How can I help them...

seven-day-weekend

sovilla wrote: »

She trashed the house because she was upset and frustrated. It's not something she does regular. Do you think I would let her look after my children if I thought she would hurt them.

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I'm sure it was because she was under great pressure - but who's to say that when she's under pressure again it won't happen again? And don't you think money problems and a husband with memory problems is enough for her to cope with without looking after a nine-year-old as well?

epitome

You didn't answer 2 questions

How old is your MIL?
How did they support themselves in Turkey?

On the first, there may be a chance at Pension Credit
On the second, I don't understand how they can support themselves for 6 years in Turkey without benefits but when they come back home they haven't got a penny.

On the thread in general,
I don't know why you are disregarding the obvious, you know that they can live on £112 a week, you know they are in a house too big for HB to cover and this causes them financial problems. You know that if they downsize to a rent that HB will cover, they will be fine. Their rental contract is finishing soon. They need to find a suitable rental property. If you have to, you could give them the extra £10 - £20 week to cover the rent if the only thing you can find is £79 or £89 a week.

I also echo the concerns about farming out the daughter, she needs to grow up with those annoying siblings it's part of her family relationship development and normal family life. She can go to a library for peace and quiet. I also echo the concerns about a stressed grandma and a dementia'd grandpa suddenly also having to cope with a 9 year old just so they can keep their 2 bed flat.

Errata

One of the problems that can sometimes occur with early onset dementia is lack of inhibition leading to florid displays of anger, frustration, euphoria and inappropriate affection and sexual behaviour.
Should any of this happen it's an extremely unhealthy environment for an emotionally disturbed 9 year old to live in, especially when coupled with a second adult in the household who is capable of behaving violently.
Whilst I appreciate the in-laws are in a sticky situation, the needs of a child shold be paramount.

seven-day-weekend

epitome wrote: »

You didn't answer 2 questions

How old is your MIL?
How did they support themselves in Turkey?

I think the OP said they are 55 (her) and 59 (him) and in Turkey they lived on savings.

Might be wrong though.

Dunroamin

epitome wrote: »

You didn't answer 2 questions

How old is your MIL?
How did they support themselves in Turkey?

On the first, there may be a chance at Pension Credit
On the second, I don't understand how they can support themselves for 6 years in Turkey without benefits but when they come back home they haven't got a penny.

On the thread in general,
I don't know why you are disregarding the obvious, you know that they can live on £112 a week, you know they are in a house too big for HB to cover and this causes them financial problems. You know that if they downsize to a rent that HB will cover, they will be fine. Their rental contract is finishing soon. They need to find a suitable rental property. If you have to, you could give them the extra £10 - £20 week to cover the rent if the only thing you can find is £79 or £89 a week.

I also echo the concerns about farming out the daughter, she needs to grow up with those annoying siblings it's part of her family relationship development and normal family life. She can go to a library for peace and quiet. I also echo the concerns about a stressed grandma and a dementia'd grandpa suddenly also having to cope with a 9 year old just so they can keep their 2 bed flat.

I answered this earlier, but it seems to have gone. Apparently, the in laws sold their house in the UK and then simply lived off the proceeds while they were in Turkey. They seem to have got through money at a rate of knots which is presumably why they can't envisage living on a basic income of benefits.

seven-day-weekend

Dunroamin wrote: »

I answered this earlier, but it seems to have gone. Apparently, the in laws sold their house in the UK and then simply lived off the proceeds while they were in Turkey. They seem to have got through money at a rate of knots which is presumably why they can't envisage living on a basic income of benefits.

I knew loads of people in Spain who did this. They all thought their lump sum would last them until retirement. All of them, bar one couple who found temporary work until they reached State Pension age, ran out of money eventually and returned to the UK, presumably to live on Benefits.

If we'd have had to sell our house and live off the proceeds in order to go to Spain, we would not have gone. Simple.

margaretclare

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I knew loads of people in Spain who did this. They all thought their lump sum would last them until retirement. All of them, bar one couple who found temporary work until they reached State Pension age, ran out of money eventually and returned to the UK, presumably to live on Benefits.

Amazing. Not something I could ever, ever imagine doing, not in a million years. Although I do know people who've lost money investing in foreign countries. My DH's stepdaughter, not once but twice - first Spain, then Turkey! But at least, they didn't go and live there (she and her husband) although they'd planned to. She's highly-intelligent, a graduate, but totally unrealistic.

Incidentally, in response to nimbo: 'anyone over 50 is classified as an older person'. You surely must have a proportion of mature students? In my group at university years ago, several of us were around 50, and some were considerably over that.

Sorry, doesn't help the OP. In fact, I'm not sure at all that there is any way out of this impasse.

epitome

to follow on from Errata's post....

....and they also can suddenly display inappropriate (general) behaviours such as standing in the livingroom and peeing on the carpet.

Dunroamin

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I knew loads of people in Spain who did this. They all thought their lump sum would last them until retirement. All of them, bar one couple who found temporary work until they reached State Pension age, ran out of money eventually and returned to the UK, presumably to live on Benefits.

If we'd have had to sell our house and live off the proceeds in order to go to Spain, we would not have gone. Simple.

Thank goodness for the HRT but a shame it hasn't been applied effectively in the current case.

seven-day-weekend

Many of the people I mentioned above bought a house out of their lump sum, but have run out of money and are unable to sell their houses. Their was a couple like this in my village, their house is still for sale three years after they have returned to the UK (they live with their son).

Especially on the Costa del Sol, you see Brits trying to scrape a living by cleaning, carbooting, doing airport runs, or a combination of these, everyone chasing the same work and limited to working for British expats as they don't speak Spanish.

As I said earlier, many loose their brains at the prospect of living in the sun