How can I help them...

Housing_Benefit_Officer

sovilla wrote: »

They came home with £3000 which is what they had left out of the £10,000. They lived with us for a while but 4 adults and 5 children in a 3 bedroomed house was tight and they didnt like the fact they had moved our 2 daughters out of their bed and was sharing with the 4 boys.

So you have 5 children - and moved your 2 daughters out to live with your 4 boys.

2 + 4 = 6?

Confused.

And yes the O/P does appear to be contemplating farming one of their children out (or at least on paper) to a couple one or both of whom appears to be suffering from mental health problems to try and maximise their benefits.

pmlindyloo

Housing_Benefit_Officer wrote: »

So you have 5 children - and moved your 2 daughters out to live with your 4 boys.

2 + 4 = 6?

Confused.

Probably just a typo.

Don't you think it's time this thread was 'put to rest'? The OP has had all the advice she needs and the most recent posts are not helpful.

OP, take a break now. There is no more help to be given and you are digging yourself into a hole and inviting some quite unnecessary criticism.

fabforty

sovilla wrote: »

I think you all need to get off your high horses, are all your lives so perfect.

My children are 9, 6, 5, 4 and 1. They are extremely well behaved, but they are children, they can get rowdy and play loud. And if you must know the 4 eldest are my step children, they were abused by their mothers partner and we got full custody. I have been a full time mum to them for the last 3 years, giving up my career prospects and taking them on as my own. They have been through a lot in their short life and the 9 year old has had her problems because of it.

She gets on extremely well with her grandparents and the love her to bits. It actually helps my FiL when she is there as he is teaching her how to play the guitar which he does very well.

We will pay the grandparents the look after her and support her. But that's got nothing to do with you lot.

There are people on here who offer some really great advice and there are others that just criticise and look for ways to put people down and have a go. I'm not taking it personally because I know I'm a good person and I work my socks off for everything I get and I support my family as best I can.

All the more reason to keep her at home with her family. Your in-laws have been abroad for the past 6 years, so they can't know her that well. Regardless of how well she gets on with them - sending a 9 year old to live elsewhere away from her parents and siblings is a massive step for that child - surely you can see that? Even if they have to share a bedroom. It's not the end of the world and there are ways of managing it so that she has some time alone.

You could simply give the in laws the CB and CTC without sending the child to live with them. Likewise, your in-laws may enjoy spending time with her, but raising a child full-time, (regardless of how well behaved she is) is a different matter.

My life isn't perfect, far from it, but I would never consider sending a child of mine to live with someone so that they could receive the child related benefits and solve their own money troubles.

I'm not having a go, but I do hope that you will reconsider that particular 'solution', for the child's sake.

GwylimT

Sovilla, you have already stated that FIL has memory problems and so would be unable to appropriately care for a child, MIL is clearly suffering severe stress as she has been trashing the place, which would be incredibly scary for a child, never mind one who has been abused, to be then put somewhere with someone destroying the place. Then if we consider that they wont have had regular contact as grandma and grandad have been out of the country for six years and your daughter is only 9.

If they move to a house out of her schools catchment area will you make her change schools? If she was 16, yes, perfectly reasonable if she wants to go, but no way would I ever send a 9 year old to live with their grandparents, and I certainly wouldn't treat any of my children as a financial package, and thankfully neither would my childrens grandparents. If you really want them to receive child benefit and tax credits then simply give them your daughters allocation of these.

sovilla

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Dunroamin

sovilla wrote: »

She trashed the house because she was upset and frustrated. It's not something she does regular. Do you think I would let her look after my children if I thought she would hurt them.

My 9 year old has an extremely good relationship with her grandparents, just because they have lived in another country doesn't mean they don't know here. We have visited a few times and they spoke over Skype nearly every night.

They have both looked after all 5 children for 2 weeks while we were on honeymoon at the beginning of August. So I have no worries in that sense.

Sending the 9 year old to live with them was hopefully going to kill 2 birds with one stone. She gets the peace and ability to have time on her own and my parents in law get a little bit more help.

I guess they are just going to have to move in with us in October and we just see what happens from there.

As your house is already so small for the number of children in it, why not just rent a larger house for all three generations to live in, taking the stress off both your children and your in laws? It would also mean that you and your husband could be on hand to look after his father as his health deteriorates.

seven-day-weekend

Great idea Dunroamin.

sovilla

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Blackpool_Saver

sovilla wrote: »

I have suggested that however my husband is reluctant. He doesn't want to be living full time with his parents. But it may be something we have to look into.

What DOES your husband want to do about it all?

Dunroamin

sovilla wrote: »

I have suggested that however my husband is reluctant. He doesn't want to be living full time with his parents. But it may be something we have to look into.

He doesn't want to but it's fine for his 9 year old daughter to do so?