How can I help them...

SandraScarlett

epitome wrote: »

to follow on from Errata's post....

....and they also can suddenly display inappropriate (general) behaviours such as standing in the livingroom and peeing on the carpet.

Or, in the case of my DH, recently, at the checkout of the Garden Centre, breaking wind very loudly, and, turning to the poor lady behind him in the queue, saying "Blimey, I'm f*rting like a stallion today!"

Alas, the unpredictable becomes part of their daily life.:(

xx

Errata

Sorry, doesn't help the OP. In fact, I'm not sure at all that there is any way out of this impasse.

The final solution is that they are evicted, present themselves to the local authority as homeless and accommodation will be found
for them: emergency B&B or hostel. http://www.hullcc.gov.uk/portal/page?_pageid=221,52802&_dad=portal&_schema=PORTAL

sovilla

Deleted...

marliepanda

Alcohol related dementia can be just as bad, or worse, than normal alzheimers.

You also have to be a pretty heavy drinker to bring that on, especially as they were only in Turkey for 5 years... You say there was nothing else to do there, then why on earth did they move and sell up everything here, to go and get a tan and get drunk 24/7??

Anyway, I still don't see how that makes it better to send your daughter there. Not only does he have a possible onset of dementia (which can escalate rapidly, believe me as I cared for my grandad with it for 2 years, along with the violence and incontinence and the rest) but alcohol problems with the pair of them, and outbursts of violence from your MIL?? I certainly wpuldnt want to put a 9 year od in that situation. I was 19 when I looked after my grandad with my Mum and I was ridiculously upset half the time from either the things he did or said, or just generally seeing my grandad, a proud man who had worked all his life, reduced to being terrified people had broken into his home because he had left the TV on and thought people were in his house. I certainly wouldnt have wanted to live there, and I would not have coped at 9! You can say oh theyre getting treatment itll get better. It wont.

So is your MIL going to work or not? If you say she wants to go back to work, then surely he will be left alone with your stepdaughter?

Put it this way i doubt if they had these money troubles you'd be sending her to live with them, at NINE. I was thinking, maybe 14-18, not nine.

I really feel for her in this situation.

Errata

The symptoms of 'wet brain' -
Staggering, irregular gait, and other muscular incoordination
Confabulation - remembering events that never happened
Inability to form new memories
Loss of memory--this can be severe
Visual and auditory hallucinations
Vision changes - including double vision, eyelid drooping, and abnormal eye movements

All the above will have a serious effect on anyone who shares a household with the sufferer, especially a 9 year old disturbed child who will be left alone with them for periods of time when the other adult in the household will be working.

OP - what help are your in-laws getting from psychiatric services that are being used by the FIL?

Dunroamin

sovilla wrote: »

As I said previously you don't know my family, a few word on a forum and you think you know us inside out. Yes he has memory problems but they are not that severe (at the moment). He is never alone with the children, MIL is always there.

She had one outburst and you all think she's a psycho who can't be around kids. She works as a home carer for disabled people, guess she best not go back to work then in case she trashes their house.

They moved to turkey with the money from their house and part of FIL's pension. They bought a place, made a lot of money on it, tried to sell and got ripped off. They tried to live off the money they had left but the sot of living in Turkey just kept rising and they had no way to make money as they were not allowed to work, so they came back their country so get jobs and earn a living again. Not sure why that's wrong.

As for FIL's illness it's more than likely "wet brain" due to the drink they consumed over there as there was nothing else to do. They are not drinking now but the damage is done. Hopefully with treatment it will be stopped in its tracks and get a bit of improvement.

Thanks to those that have giving constructive comments. To those that have criticised me, I hope you don't have to deal with any of this in your life because its not easy and we can't all make the right decisions.

And yet severe enough for him to apply for ESA - you can't really have it both ways.

marliepanda

Dunroamin wrote: »

And yet severe enough for him to apply for ESA - you can't really have it both ways.

Looking after an emotionally unwell 9 year old is way easier than working silly...

xylophone

part of FIL's pension.

If he brought his pension into payment and took the lump sum, he should be able to draw a monthly income from the balance. Have you checked that he has been given the correct information?

Dunroamin

sovilla wrote: »

As I said previously you don't know my family, a few word on a forum and you think you know us inside out. Yes he has memory problems but they are not that severe (at the moment). He is never alone with the children, MIL is always there.

She had one outburst and you all think she's a psycho who can't be around kids. She works as a home carer for disabled people, guess she best not go back to work then in case she trashes their house.

They moved to turkey with the money from their house and part of FIL's pension. They bought a place, made a lot of money on it, tried to sell and got ripped off. They tried to live off the money they had left but the sot of living in Turkey just kept rising and they had no way to make money as they were not allowed to work, so they came back their country so get jobs and earn a living again. Not sure why that's wrong.

As for FIL's illness it's more than likely "wet brain" due to the drink they consumed over there as there was nothing else to do. They are not drinking now but the damage is done. Hopefully with treatment it will be stopped in its tracks and get a bit of improvement.

Thanks to those that have giving constructive comments. To those that have criticised me, I hope you don't have to deal with any of this in your life because its not easy and we can't all make the right decisions.

It seems to be perfectly possible to work in Turkey if you have a work permit.

https://www.gov.uk/living-in-turkey

If you've been told different by these middle aged shirkers, you may not have been told the truth about everything else.

Where's your husband in all this? They're his children and his parents but all you've said about him is that he's vetoed living with his parents although he's happy to send his daughter off to live with them.

Marisco

I've read this thread with incredulity!!! :eek: To sum up, parents in law sold their house here, bought a place in Turkey, then pi**ed the rest of the money up the wall, came back broke and expect all sorts of benefits. FIL is on his way to full blown dementia, and MIL is stressed to hell and cannot cope, hence trashed flat. Benefits are not forthcoming so the OP then wants a disturbed 9 year old to go and live with them, so they can claim the child related benefits. Is that a fair summation of the story so far?

Unbelievable!!