University as a couple

DigForVictory

They're going to university together. They've sorted a lot of negotiable ground.
For everyone who shakes their head over this, at least she's not going pregnant with her mother quitting work to become full time carer. As that is happening elsewhere & will put a cramp on a great deal more opportunities.

M'self I wish Seanymph's family all the best, & *really* wish the younglings I know were as thoughtful & well organised.

SmallL

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

I know a lot of people who are still with/ engaged to the same people they were at 16/17, I'm only 21 but that's still 5 years.

Like i said earlier I'm with my OH of 6 years (I'm 21).
OH's parents got together at 17 perhaps it runs in the family

NervousHomeowner

It's perfectly possible to live together & keep a relationship going while at uni and still make the most of your time there. The idea that it will somehow 'ruin' the uni experience is ridiculous.

I live with my boyfriend, most of my friends live with their partners too and none of us are suffering some terrible existence where we never go out & have fun Your inability to hook up with other students does not somehow render you unable to enjoy yourself. Not to mention that lots of people find a boyfriend/girlfriend while at uni so although your son & his girlfriend will be one of the only couples when they first start uni, I can guarantee that it won't stay that way for very long.

daisiegg

I met my ex boyfriend when I was 16, and I followed him to uni (he was a year older than me so I guess where he went determined where I went). Everyone warned me against it and my parents thought it was a terrible idea, but I knew best!

Needless to say, it was a bit of a disaster. I didn't make any real good friends during my time at uni because I didn't need to - I had him. He cheated on me and broke up with me half way through my final year (he was on a 4 year course and me 3 years, so we were finishing at the same time) which scr*wed up my finals! (I still got a first but that period of my life was horrendous). It didn't help that we had to stay living in the same house as you can't change accommodation half way through the year!

I know a few other couples (including one who got together at 13) who went to the same uni and they all ended in disaster.

This is not to say that all relationships like that end badly, as other anecdotes on here have proved that they don't.

I wish I had listened to people who were older and wiser and not gone to the same uni as my ex. If only because I turned down an offer from Cambridge and followed him to a much inferior uni! (I did go to Cambs later as a post grad though). I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had been at uni on my own. I reckon I would have had a much better social life and made much better friends.

Still....you live and learn and everything in my past has led me to where I am now (married, good career, very happy ) so I can't really complain.

daisiegg

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

I know a lot of people who are still with/ engaged to the same people they were at 16/17, I'm only 21 but that's still 5 years.

When I was 21 I was still with the same person that I got together with at 16 and so were loads of my friends.

Now, 5 years later.........none of us are.

Just saying

kettlefish

I think they'll be fine. It's not like either of them are really putting their dreams on hold to be together; more compromising to get the best fit for them both. Yes if they break up it'll be awkward, but you're only actually at uni for something like 39 weeks of the year and I'm sure they will sort something out. If they stay together they're saving £140 per week in accomodation! :money:

I'm married to the boy (now man, obviously) I met while still doing my A levels - I stayed behind in our hometown for a number of reasons including him (turned down places at very good universities) and have no regrets. At the end of the day, if you've met the right person, you can't "un-meet" them and it'd feel like something missing to not have them there. They may break up but so do many older couples with real ties (mortgage etc) and they manage.

You are obviously much cooler than my mum though as there's no way she'd have paid half the cost of us living together :rotfl:

Person_one

Carl31 wrote: »

I personally believe that the ages of 18-25, for the majority (not everyone before i get blasted) are a period where we get out first taste of adult freedom, and therefore define ourselves over this period, we determine who we are and what we will do for the rest of our lives through the people we interact with and experiences we have. I think for those that go to Uni, this is more so than those that dont, they are escaping from the life they grew up with for a completely new one, a new location, new people.

I cant say i know anyone now (I am 33) who is still with people they were romantically linked with at 18, or for that matter have a life that they expected at 18, things change/happen, experience leads you down different paths, sometimes for the good, sometimes bad

In my own opinion i think its a bit of a shame that your child is about to emabark on a life pioneering experience such as uni with the restrictions they have, although good luck to them if it was to work out. I have friends that were in the same situation, and kind of regretted not making the most of the time they had at Uni, but you cant really tell that to someone

I agree with this.

University is a once in a lifetime experience, there's plenty of time for domestic 'bliss' living with a partner afterwards, for most people.

First of all, if the relationship is meant to last, it will last anyway, but I have to say that sharing a tiny double room while at uni and both living away from home for the first time sounds like the quickest road to a massive bust up if you ask me!

Also, people are talking about university as if the only two options are to study round the clock and behave yourself, or to drink gallons every night and have a lot of casual sex. Most people's experience of living away at uni is nearer the middle of these two!

I met friends for life at university, friends from all over the world, I travelled, I learned how to look after myself and the people I care about, how to manage my budget, how to shop and cook etc. I travelled in the way you only travel when you're young and stupid with friends, I expanded my horizons and I found my passions. Oh, and yes I drank a lot, smoked some weed and had some one night stands too, that stuff's all ok if you're safe and you want to do it!

I'm not saying all that is impossible as part of a couple, but uni will be something different when you're 'playing house' at the same time, and you don't get a second go at being 18/19 and a fresher.

(That said, for the OP, your daughter is an adult and even if you think she's making a mistake you really just have to let her. Just be there to help if/when things come crashing down, that's your only option really.)

daisiegg

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

That's strange, but of course that's not the case for everyone. Several are getting married in the next few years.

I don't think it is strange - speaking to people my age and older, and it seems to be the norm. Most people are not with their teenage sweetheart and most people don't know many people who are.

Of course it is not the case for absolutely everyone though

I was engaged to my ex too!

Not saying things go wrong for everyone at that age. Things can go wrong in a relationship no matter what age you are or what your circumstances are.

My parents are good friends with a couple who got together when she was 15 (he was quite a bit older!) and are still together 30 odd years later so of course it can work out for some people

daisiegg

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

By they're getting married I mean everything is done and paid for already, they're not just one of those 'engaged forever' couples.

That's fair enough if that's what your friends are like, I suppose we just know different sorts of people

Well, I know plenty of sorts of people including work colleagues from the age of early twenties to late sixties, friends from the two different universities I went to, friends from school, friends from all sorts of different social activities, friends from my husband's work and his social circle, family friends, not to mention friends of friends.....all of wildly varying ages, experiences, and walks of life - so it is not really to do with knowing a particular 'sort of people'.

I'm not trying to say that you and your friends are all going to break up with your partners, so sorry if it has come across that way. And for what it was worth if someone had said this to me when I was 21 I would have reacted in exactly the same way, so I understand where you are coming from good luck to you and yours

Brighton_belle

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

That's fair enough if that's what your friends are like, I suppose we just know different sorts of people

Ouch, lol.
Still, to think otherwise at 21 would perhaps be sadly cynical.