University as a couple

Dunroamin

January20 wrote: »

It's a very British thing to me, this idea of going to university "to have fun". When I went to university back home, the idea was to get a degree. Fun wasn't the main objective. I wonder if, with the increase in university fees, and the amount of debt students seem to be getting into these days, fun will be less of a focus in future?

OP, my only advice would be to NOT listen to the doom and gloom words of others, whose opinion you may not have asked for! (in RL not on this thread of course ) Every person, every couple is different and therefore what doesn't work for somebody might work very well for somebody else!

I don't think that it's so much a case of having fun as having a broad range of experience from going to university. The risk with this sort of arrangement is that the couple won't do much except study and be together and will miss out on a lot.

Employers look for a range of experience from a graduate's time at university, not just a decent grade, and those who miss this may lose out.

burnoutbabe

Not sure most of us who live with a partner could cope with a tiny studio to share.

getting seperate rooms sounds sensible, gives them more space and they can still see each other. The first few weeks of Uni is when you tend to make the most friends, as everyone on their own and heards around together but as a couple you probably won't. So you will miss out on a lot of good friendships.

And as said, if they split up after a few months, it will be mega awkward to share, and you've missed out on those early friendships as well, so harder to make new friends.

Voyager2002

ellay864 wrote: »

My 18yr old son and his gf start university in a few weeks. They've been together about 2.5 years, and I adore her so there's no problem in that respect. They are pretty level headed (well she can be ditzy but it's cute!) and sensible, they were a good influence on each other while doing their A levels, and one of the main reasons was because they were determined to get in at the same uni. They've managed this and will be living together (double room in a student halls flat of 6-8). For the past year or so they've sort of lived together anyway as they share a room at my place, and at hers and it's rare for them to spend a night apart.
When I mention to other people that they're going to uni as a couple I hear all tales of how it'll never last, they won't properly enjoy uni, it's the biggest mistake they could make. I admit to having had a few reservations at first but never really thought of it as that big a deal. I'd be interested to hear from any other people who've done this, or their kids have done it, just to see if I have lots of doom-mongerers as friends!
ETA, they're doing very different courses so they won't be totally joined at the hip the whole time

Don't listen to your friends! The fact is, this is what they have chosen to do; they planned it well in advance and worked to make it happen. Sure, their university experience will be different from that of most other students: lacking in some respects, richer in others. That is their choice.

The only thing that I think is a mistake is sharing a room. That is just too much togetherness.

System

There was a couple on my course who were together a similar amount of time before going to the same uni (and doing the same course), they are now married with a daughter. so it worked for them, but uni can and does change people. I started going out with my ex 2 days before he went to uni, we were together that year, and my first year f uni i stayed in halls, my 2nd year of uni we lived in a houseshare, but we split up at the end of that year, luckily it was amicable and we're best friends now, so it didn't work relationship wise but i gained a friend!

ellay864

One thing I am pretty comfy with is that they will both do different things at uni...they've already decided which clubs etc they want to join, some together but some not. My son is doing music tech and also plays guitar so he'll be looking to join a band so just doing that will give them time apart. If they did have separate rooms I have no doubt they'd end up spending time in each others rooms anyway, and for the past year and a bit in particular (since she turned 16 and I allowed them to share a room) they have spent most of their time together so that won't be a shock to them. They already eat, watch films etc, listen to music and study in their room here - they'll actually have better designed space at uni

burnoutbabe

though neither of them can really have new mates over if just one shared room?

course with seperate rooms they probably will spend most time together. But they don't have to is the point.

just seems so limiting to them to be shacked up so young and no chance to meet other people (as there would be ZERO chance to have opposite sex friends I'd expect) and see if its meant to be. What are the benefits of sharing? does it save much?

GwylimT

burnoutbabe wrote: »

though neither of them can really have new mates over if just one shared room?

course with seperate rooms they probably will spend most time together. But they don't have to is the point.

just seems so limiting to them to be shacked up so young and no chance to meet other people (as there would be ZERO chance to have opposite sex friends I'd expect) and see if its meant to be. What are the benefits of sharing? does it save much?

Why does being in a relationship prevent you from meeting other people?

~Chameleon~

burnoutbabe wrote: »

though neither of them can really have new mates over if just one shared room?

course with seperate rooms they probably will spend most time together. But they don't have to is the point.

just seems so limiting to them to be shacked up so young and no chance to meet other people (as there would be ZERO chance to have opposite sex friends I'd expect) and see if its meant to be. What are the benefits of sharing? does it save much?

I agree with this. Even if they do end up sharing one room to sleep in, the advantages of having an extra room for private study or personal space or to entertain friends when the other is studying is invaluable in my opinion. Ok, there's always the option of going to the library or other quiet area on campus but sometimes you just want to slob out in your pyjamas surrounded by piles of books in the comfort of your own space.

Carl31

I personally believe that the ages of 18-25, for the majority (not everyone before i get blasted) are a period where we get out first taste of adult freedom, and therefore define ourselves over this period, we determine who we are and what we will do for the rest of our lives through the people we interact with and experiences we have. I think for those that go to Uni, this is more so than those that dont, they are escaping from the life they grew up with for a completely new one, a new location, new people.

I cant say i know anyone now (I am 33) who is still with people they were romantically linked with at 18, or for that matter have a life that they expected at 18, things change/happen, experience leads you down different paths, sometimes for the good, sometimes bad

In my own opinion i think its a bit of a shame that your child is about to emabark on a life pioneering experience such as uni with the restrictions they have, although good luck to them if it was to work out. I have friends that were in the same situation, and kind of regretted not making the most of the time they had at Uni, but you cant really tell that to someone

Seanymph

the rent is cheaper - for a single room it's £170 a week - for a bedsit for two £200.

So my daughter and her fella are both saving quite a bit over the year.

Also they are on a lease with only each other - whereas in shared accomodation (allocated) they lose their deposit if a room mate (which they didn't choose!) doesn't pay - which happened to YD's boyfriend last year.