University as a couple

ellay864

My 18yr old son and his gf start university in a few weeks. They've been together about 2.5 years, and I adore her so there's no problem in that respect. They are pretty level headed (well she can be ditzy but it's cute!) and sensible, they were a good influence on each other while doing their A levels, and one of the main reasons was because they were determined to get in at the same uni. They've managed this and will be living together (double room in a student halls flat of 6-8). For the past year or so they've sort of lived together anyway as they share a room at my place, and at hers and it's rare for them to spend a night apart.
When I mention to other people that they're going to uni as a couple I hear all tales of how it'll never last, they won't properly enjoy uni, it's the biggest mistake they could make. I admit to having had a few reservations at first but never really thought of it as that big a deal. I'd be interested to hear from any other people who've done this, or their kids have done it, just to see if I have lots of doom-mongerers as friends!
ETA, they're doing very different courses so they won't be totally joined at the hip the whole time

SmallL

I'm 21, my OH is 21. We met at high school when we were 15 and went to seperate universities (in the same city, due to OH not attaining great A-levels he's at the poly tech :P) sharing the same house.

Obviously we are still together, engaged and very happy

Lots of people tried to stop us with the good old 'your supposed to have fun and meet new people' 'your supposed to party'. Neither of us drinks alcohol or likes parties!
Regarding meeting people, you meet plenty on your course!

We were much more isolated than your son will be as we are renting a house. BUT we aren't massive socializers and prefer to have a few good friends rather than loads of semi-friends.

I actually would have hated halls, i love my own space (including kitchen!).

Please don't listen to the scare-mongering, if your son is sure this is what he wants he will have the best time he could possibly have!

I have just graduated, OH starts his 4th year in sept and has secured a masters at the 'better' uni in the city.

lika_86

I know a couple who did this and who are now married so it can work.

But I wonder about the logistics of sharing a room. Have they thought about what will happen if one needs to pull a late/all-nighter before a deadline and so needs to be awake and using the desk etc to study/write an essay? Have they thought about what they will do if one of them goes on a night out but the other has an early morning the next morning?

Also, is there enough space for them both to study at the same time if needs be?

The couple I know had two separate rooms in the first year (different halls), although stayed together most nights but it meant they had their own space, once we moved into a house in second year they rented two rooms (one a tiny box room) to get around those issues).

Worst case scenario, have they thought about what would happen if they split up? Who stays? Who goes?

I'd advise they seriously think about these things and decide if they can actually deal with the realities of living in one room.

meritaten

the relationship will survive - or it wont! its life, things happen and either the relationship gets stronger or it dies. whether its going to uni together - and if they went to separate unis would that be good or bad for the relationship? its six of one and half a dozen of the other!

SmallL

I never had to pull an 'all-nighter', its just basic time-management! Do an hour of essay a day keeps the deadlines away :P

Mojisola

ellay864 wrote: »

When I mention to other people that they're going to uni as a couple I hear all tales of how it'll never last, they won't properly enjoy uni, it's the biggest mistake they could make. I admit to having had a few reservations at first but never really thought of it as that big a deal. I'd be interested to hear from any other people who've done this, or their kids have done it, just to see if I have lots of doom-mongerers as friends!

My son and his GF had been together for some years before uni. They went to the same uni though on different courses and they didn't live together but, naturally, spent a lot of time together.

They're still going strong now, several years later.

~Chameleon~

SmallL wrote: »

I never had to pull an 'all-nighter', its just basic time-management! Do an hour of essay a day keeps the deadlines away :P

A great one for me to remember this year!

littleemmie

My husband and I went to University together. We met at school when we were 15 and I moved from college to the same sixth form as him (stopped us skipping lessons to see each other if we were able to spend free time together!) We then decided to go to the same uni. We had seperate rooms in a shared flat of 6 for the first year, lived in seperate houses in the second and third years (the lads and girls from 3 flats in the first year moved in together) and then moved in together just the two of us after we graduated. 11 years after getting together we have bought our own home, got married and just had our first child. It's not all doom and gloom and it can work!

Mojisola

lika_86 wrote: »

But I wonder about the logistics of sharing a room. Have they thought about what will happen if one needs to pull a late/all-nighter before a deadline and so needs to be awake and using the desk etc to study/write an essay? Have they thought about what they will do if one of them goes on a night out but the other has an early morning the next morning?

Also, is there enough space for them both to study at the same time if needs be?

Worst case scenario, have they thought about what would happen if they split up? Who stays? Who goes?

I'd advise they seriously think about these things and decide if they can actually deal with the realities of living in one room.

My son and GF were sure they would stay together but were also sensible enough to think about the points lika raises. That's why they went for separate accommodation in the first year.

NoAngel

My OH and I were together from when I was 15 and he was 16. I went to a local uni, he didn't go to Uni as he works in a trade. We lived together in a student house with a mutual friend for my first year sharing a room (though we had 2 rooms in the house, the other was his gaming room!). After the first year we bought a house together. We've been together since, we are now 27 and 28, married and have a baby due any day!

So it can work. It might not, but whatever will be will be. If they split up, one of them simply gets another room. If they stay together then they have simply found happiness young.

I didn't find that I missed out on anything particularly at Uni due to being part of a couple. We went out together and separately and have mutual and separate friends. Good luck to them

Turtle

Some friends of ours daughter went to the same uni as her boyfriend and shared a house, just the two of them. I thought this was crazy, I must admit, and I was surprised her parents thought it was ok.

She graduated with a first class honours this year so it obviously didn't impede her studying. They've now been together about 5 years and the relationship is still going strong.