University as a couple

January20

It's a very British thing to me, this idea of going to university "to have fun". When I went to university back home, the idea was to get a degree. Fun wasn't the main objective. I wonder if, with the increase in university fees, and the amount of debt students seem to be getting into these days, fun will be less of a focus in future?

OP, my only advice would be to NOT listen to the doom and gloom words of others, whose opinion you may not have asked for! (in RL not on this thread of course ) Every person, every couple is different and therefore what doesn't work for somebody might work very well for somebody else!

Bluegreen143

I had two friends who were a couple and lived in my halls of residence - they had a single room each but they were next door to each other. they really slept in one and used the other as storage tbh.

It worked really well for them and they got a flat just for the two of them after halls and they stayed together throughout, very happily.

The one problem as when they split up (two years after graduating so didn't affect uni life at all) all their friends were joint friends as they made them all at uni. This made things awkward for us as they had the kind of break up where they couldn't socialise together and it ended up splitting the group a bit (so we used to have a very mixed group of friends and now we all seem to be girls, for example). This was happening a bit anyway with post-graduation moving around, lifestyle changes etc, but would have been a nightmare if it had happened during uni.

I think it's harder to make your own group of friends if you live with a partner at uni, and we all loved being one group of guys and girls, but encourage them to make some friends of their own, not always go out together and have a bit more space generally.

GoldenShadow

The fact they both want this enough to set it all up is positive. I wanted to go to the same uni as my ex OH but he didn't even want to go in the end. Luckily we broke up aged 17, when I still had my A2's to do and refocus on what I should really be doing.

I would be a bit worried re potential splitting up and how close they will have to be by sharing a room. Perhaps they are both uber studious but if someone tries to encourage you to go out its hard to say no if best friend/significant other says 'yeah lets go!!'. You can end up drifting if you're not careful. Saying that I am Queen of Procrastination, even now in my final year at uni!

First year usually doesn't count though providing you pass and they can always re evaluate the room sharing situation if/when they go for a shared house option instead. To be honest I've not known anyone enter uni a couple and leave a couple, whether at the same one/living together or not. My friends are perhaps a bit fickle, when it comes down to it!

Valli

This smacks to me of people who are of the opinion that the young people involved should be going to Uni to 'sow their wild oats'.
Well some people go to Uni and go mad...and some people go to Uni and are so incredibly homesick they give up straight away.

None of us know what the future holds...if it were my son and his GF going together (they're not; one's going to Leeds and one Manchester) they would go together with my blessing.

When the going gets hard they will each have someone who's 'there' for them, hopefully.

ellay864

Wow so many replies, thanks everybody. They've already thought about the aspect of studying at different times and they feel that's less of an issue. There is enough space in their room, but my son will most likely be in the music studios rather than at a desk anyway. They already got very good at planning when they were doing their AS/A2 revision and would set up schedules for when they watched stuff (they watch online rather than live TV anyway) and when they'd work - I was actually quite impressed at how organsised they were
If they split one will have to move out but their contracts are as individuals; if one moves out the other has to pay a higher rate in the double room but they've already asked about the potential to move to a single room and apparently that should be quite do-able.
They have quite similar outlooks on going out, and both are already talking about the clubs etc they want to join, both together and separately.
I guess, as has already been said, it could work, it could fail anyway, but nice to hear of several positive experiences. Deep down I think it might have been a bit better for separate rooms but it's their decision and I do hope it all works for them.

lostinrates

Dunroamin wrote: »

It wasn't uncommon back in the sixties but ten years or so ago, shared rooms in halls of reidence were as rare as ducks' teeth!

I knew a lot of toothy hens then!

They were phasing out, with the single study room certainly more dominant by then, but the single study room was new on my campus just a few of years before that . Certainly not the sixties!

Jonesy88

I met my now husband 3 weeks before the start of university. We went to separate universities (but they were only 10 mins apart so more or less lived together). I graduated with a 1st so i really dont think a relationship is detrimental to grades, as a previous poster has said.

However i had friends who were part of a couple pre-uni, moved in together and split mid-way through 2nd year. Very messy as they still had to share the same house and couldn't get a clean break.

My point is some couples stay together and some couples break up regardless of being at uni together or not.

Seanymph

I am so pleased to read this!

My daughters b/f went to uni last year, she has visited every week for several days (whilst doing her A Levels) and only applied to one university, only got one offer and got the grades to join him this September. They have rented a one roomed accommodation.

I found it really difficult to begin with - after all there are different (and I thought better!) universities offering her degree, I even dragged her reluctant self around the country looking at them. So I'm afraid I was firmly in the camp of your doubting friends.

However they have talked to me at length, discussed things like sharing space, responsibility for rents, how they will organise money to pay for housekeeping. And everything is thought out and discussed between them.

In fact, they go with my blessing (and my paying half the rent this year!) - because I think they have a better chance than I did when I got married.... They are much more sensible. The spend all their time together, and their choice this year for holiday was a week in a tent.

I have changed my opinion, they are making their choices, my daughter is calm but committed, and I will do all I can to support her with her choice, he's a lovely lovely lad, and they seem to be very settled.

they may not stay together, but then they might - and that would be the same no matter where they went.

[Deleted User]

NoAngel wrote: »

...So it can work. It might not, but whatever will be will be. If they split up, one of them simply gets another room. If they stay together then they have simply found happiness young....

^^ This! the world is full of people ready to offer unwanted opinions on what others "should" be doing but in your son's situation I'd be ignoring them

beluga

I got married before going to university, so DH and I moved and bought a house in the city I went to uni in. I had a year out after a levels, so was 19 when I started my degree. It wasn't a problem for us, DH worked while I went to uni, we socialised together and separately. I still went out and partied and met people, but I'd been doing that before I started uni, and it never involved cheating on DH! I met my now best friend at uni, and she was in a similar situation in that she was with a long term boyfriend (they're still together) so it can work!
A lot of people thought we were nuts at the time, and I did choose my uni based on where we could live together as a couple, but we've been married for over 12 years now, and my studying has never suffered, in fact I'm doing a second degree atm!