TallGirl's getting back on track diary

TallGirl

Ok so I know where my money goes and looking at this budget I wrote earlier this month it needs to be changed:

Budget for extras:
Coffee £20
Lunch at work £40
Golf (range balls and green fee) £50
Presents £30
Christmas savings £40
Flights home £25 (2 a year)
Holiday likely to be Gambia again £85
Clothes £40 (I buy second hand but need long tall Sally for trousers)
Car £0 should be included in £300 but this year I had to pay MOT and insurance myself even though I shouldn't.
Entertainment £50

Well clothes is definitely above budget, £16 on a pair of shorts three weeks ago and yesterday £34 on sandals and today Monsoon sale at the station shop so £90 later all work clothes 1 skirt 1 top and 1 dress. To be fair I needed new dress for award dinner next week and I saved £10 in the dress and the others were 1/2 price.

So new realistic spending budget looks like this

Budget for extras:
Coffee £20
Lunch at work £40
Golf (range balls and green fee) £50
Presents £30
Christmas savings £40
Flights home £25 (2 a year)
Holiday likely to be Gambia again £85
Clothes and shoes £80(I buy second hand but need long tall Sally for trousers)
Car £0 should be included in £300 but this year I had to pay MOT and insurance myself even though I shouldn't.
Entertainment £50

That leaves me £60 down next month and I'm going to Denmark oh dear. Don't think I spent much in May on clothes.

Work is still mad manic and now the person I'm covering who is due Monday won't be in as her baby is ill in hospital. I don't know what happens longer term as we have three weeks handover so that's fine (he's got an immune system thingy but he can grow out of it.). I did find out my job will be advertised next week with interviews before I go on leave hopefully only being advertised for two weeks.

DG on her way back from her mums miss her when I haven't seen her all day can't remember being like that with ex oh maybe only the first three years we lived apart.

bugslet

Clothes and chocolate are my downfall.

I did look at Matched Betting once and should look again, if only to pay off the debt from doing the garden make over. I think if it's a weak point for you, you need to be careful, on the other hand you are in a happier place now and that can make a difference.

Well done on the cheap flight! I had to fly four drivers out to Esbjerg (flew into Billund - no space on the ferry for people, only trucks!) and was very surprised by how cheap it was, something like under £50.00 each and that was the weekend before the Neverendum.

TallGirl

wow that is cheap mind you who wants to go to Esbjerg my family are Odense or about an hour South of Copenhagen so not great for me.


Re match betting I did check the other day and something like William Hill Sportsbook now pays £1 cashback on Quidco I think when I was doing it you got £25 plus they gave you a £25 free bet far better guess they have cotton on to it. Not going to go back was actually quite boring in the end but handy to do as I worked from home.


Work is weird today no one about all quiet and no news of person coming back so assume I am still in charge Monday I cannot really vacate this lovely private corner office as I cannot divert the phone (well that is my excuse).


Was going to a Chambers party this afternoon but its raining and I don't feel like it. Also want to see friend tomorrow and play golf so handy if I don't drink lol.


Cannot remember if I wrote on here that my neighbour had found my ex in the house with black smoke from a burnt pizza and smoke alarms going off. Ex was just sat on the sofa with it all going on. I think he must just have woken up from having passed out on whisky it was late afternoon. My neighbour got a fright and told him off. Anyway I emailed ex FIL expressing my concerns about it here is the exchange interested in your take on it. I haven't replied yet.


To Ex FIL


As you know I get XX to go over and feed the cats and she contacted me yesterday because she was extremely concerned about what she found. She had gone over late afternoon (Tuesday) to find the kitchen full of smoke, the smoke alarms going off and a pizza burnt black in the oven. Ex DH was sat up in the lounge she obviously got a scare but she wasn't sure if he was even aware anything was wrong. She turned the oven off and "told him off" she was wondering if it as safer to disconnect the cooker and just let him use the microwave. I said I would contact you to see what you think as I don't really know where you are with doctors appointments etc.

I know the cats would just run out in a fire but there are other implications such as him being burnt and also insurance is unlikely to cover negligence.

I am down on xx if you want to chat I think some safeguards needs to be put in place. I know this is really difficult for you.

Love TG


From Ex FIL
thank you for your E mail. I was aware of the situation, I went to the house after xx had been. please thank her for her action and for " telling him off". I don't think we should dramatize it too much, whilst it was serious,it was a case of putting something in the oven to cook and then being distracted to forget and was sitting in the lounge watching television. Easily done- I have done it myself.


Now - ex DH does not normally use the cooker. He has only used it once since he has been on his own. He did a sausage/egg/ bacon pie -all on his own, with me sitting in the lounge, but helping when requested- no problems.


This time he was on his own. He was fedup with microwave meals and had bought himself a Pizza from Tesco, which stated oven cooking-which he tried. unsuccessfully.


Ex DH has already decided to go back to to the Microwave. We can discuss during your visit next weekend please let me know when and where, so that I can plan my other activities.


love- Ex FIL

safehouse

Hi TG sounds like your ex FIL is in denial of his sons problems....sounds so familiar....the line "I don't think we should dramatize it too much" hit a chord with me, OH family are exactly the same, used to hear very similar things....thought I was going mad, "but they were not the nicest of people and the things they said were sometimes intentionally aimed to hurt me" .Your ex FIL sounds like a nice person who definitely is out of his depth and doesn't want to face up to the truth Xx

TallGirl

Thanks Safehouse I was hoping you might read it and rings bells with you. He is nice my ex FIL but he's 91 and has too much on with his own large house and the business to run as well. I've not replied but I want to say something along the lines I want to meet as I need to know if any progress is being made or the cats will have to be rehomed. Once they are gone there's no need to keep the house so I would seek to resolve that situation. I promised ex bil I wouldn't do anything until December but that time scale would work anyway as I need a job first. Safehouse my mother in law couldn't hold her drink or she drank a lot I'm not really sure what she definitely drank every day but only after dinner which in my in laws eyes then you're not an alcoholic. Ex BIL said my ex FIL had finally started calling OH an alcoholic but he goes to Avalon and gets sessions so I'm hoping they have helped him at least see that far even if he is in denial.

Just been speaking to the guys here (they are lovely by the way) they want to rent some parking spaces out so we can pocket the money to pay for broadband and other things. They think we can rent out at £150 a month and there's at least 4 rentable spaces and still room for our cars. I said bring it on nice extra money obviously not something you should do but who would know.

TallGirl

Morning strange being in work and the lady I have covered for isn't back today so assume baby must still be unwell. I have got loads to do so that is fine. I think its also holding up them advertising the new job I want to apply for she is the director to they are likely to want to ask her stuff before putting it out there. Well we shall see.


Not that spendy a weekend for a change, had lunch out with friend Saturday (major hangover from Friday so no alcohol). Then golf and Sunday golf too but DG's lesson was cancelled or the Pro forgot to turn up so played somewhere else. Brought picnic and drinks so only cost 1 bucket of balls and 1/2 shandy each afterwards. Very good.


Shopping done at Lidl and a little bit at Tesco they do lovely fresh ryebread like the Danish stuff so we slice it and freeze it and its just as nice and easy quick dinner with fish or other toppings.


Still got money in the bank the sweep thing has put £190 in my savings account which I had already topped up so might have to claw that back will see how I go. Got 2 weeks and 4 days until I am off to Denmark and this job ends I really hope I am frugal and productive giving myself the best chance of my next job as well as saving up so I can take some time out without it impacting on my savings.


Better get on with some work have a lovely Sunny Monday all of you

bugslet

I'd not worry about the £150.00 for the parking - it's a small issue.

I agree that your ex FiL is not taking it as seriously as he should, but I'm not sure what you can do, bar putting pressure on him. Do you think that your ex has stopped using the oven now?

TallGirl

Hi Bugslet thanks for popping in yes according to his email reason for using oven was that "he was sick of microwave meals" and he had bought the pizza himself in Tesco and it said oven only. But now he is back to using the microwave.


I replied in the end saying when I would be at the house Saturday and I would try to explain the cats would be rehomed unless there is an improvement e.g. he accepts treatment. I also asked that FIL should try and explain it too. I gave the timescale again for the cats, op for Jack in early Aug then need someone to look after him as ex DH certainly cant then rehome. Once rehomed I would like long term resolution for house to be started either he buys me out, we sell or I buy him out if I have a job by that time. I also said I know things take time and he needs time to adjust.


I wasn't aggressive but the cats are the only real reason I have let him stay there for free for this long. At least FIL is now paying the bill money straight into the joint account from the company and ex DH hasn't got access (took his card).


Anyway best get on with work

bugslet

All seems reasonable. The ex has been lucky, you've subsidised him for quite a while and there's nothing wrong with that, I think it's normal human reaction to care at some level for someone that we once loved and is now incapable of helping themselves.

However, it's not something you can do forever and if anything were to happen to the cats, you'd feel awful for letting them down.

TallGirl

Thanks Bugslet as much as I don't want to give the cats up it totally breaks my heart they are not happy being neglected and if I can find them a nice home that would be so so much better for them. FIL has clearly stated he doesn't want to look after them even temporary hence why next door does it now. I need to see real improvement from ex DH before that changes I am still hoping he has reached rock bottom but I fear there is more to come. He is only being paid £500 a month now rather than his full salary (rightly so as he is not there) so he will run into his £2000 overdraft and the charges will start. I predict he will start selling stuff in the house for booze or give it away for nothing or maybe even stealing could be possible. I want to get as much out that I care about and to be honest there isn't much he could sell that would fetch anything its all Danish glasses pictures etc. Expensive but doesn't mean anything here as he wont be listing on Gumtree or anything like that.


Spent £1.50 on coffee for lunch queue too much for free one in Waitrose naughty I know but work really got to me. One of the team leaders is now saying monitoring the teams performance is her job but not the quality of the work. I cannot do anything it has to be dealt with by the person coming back. I feel crap but my manager has assured me there is nothing I can do. Feel a bit better.


My last board meeting tonight need to read the papers and prepare get toil for it so not so bad.


Also almost forgot my "new job" that I have to apply to get will be advertised later today and closing date is 18th July with interviews 21st July so my last day. I also have coaching as part of my leadership course so now taken the day as toil as it got too messy. I really would like time off after this job but that should be possible as I cannot see them wanted me to start in the middle of August. Still need to get the job first.


Right back to got a volunteer to do all my stats and then gave her an unfiltered list so now have to redo it how stupid of me.