Have anyone have had a boss who is a psychopath?

meg72

Coraline wrote: »

That is the reality of the situation, and what happened to my colleague the other day. Trying to help, bringing something to the boss's attention ahead of time, then getting screamed at for not doing it earlier (the deadline is a month from now).



Thank you for understanding. That pretty much sums it up, as this is my direct boss. There is a track record with this person. Like I mentioned before, one person just quit and my colleague is considering it this weekend and might not even show up to work Monday.



Yes....that's what it looks like. This person will not change.



I think you are right--raising an official complaint will come back to bite me in the !!!!, that's what my gut tells me. I think the best strategy is figure out how to bow out of the job with some excuse and never say that I'm leaving because of the boss's behaviour. Can't ever badmouth your former employers you know...

I think you have reached the right decision, go with your gut feeling, having a definite diagnosis is really not going to help you,
personally I would say your Boss is a Bully, and as such is going to make your working life a misery. Keep your head down, dont invite trouble by offering to help, this will just put her on the defensive and even more aggressive, and make your plans to get out from under this poisonous situation. Good luck.

Coraline

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

It's the NHS - how many people get fired from there?

The best way for you all to deal with this is for ALL of you to put grievances in to HR for different things and all of you not to admit you know about each other's grievances. Although it would have been better done before the cost of tribunals was brought in.

Any HR dept getting more than 3 grievances about a manager will sit up and take notice. Esp if there is bullying and the potential for stress related sickness on the horizon.

Or - all of you use my usual tactic for bullies. Stop what you are doing, get a pencil out, slowly lick the end of the pencil, open your notebook, look at your watch and make a very long and detailed note of exactly what happened, when, what was said and who was present. If the bully asks what you are doing - you say 'I have been advised to make detailed notes of every instance of bullying' and say no more.

That's very good advice and food for though FBR... heck already I'm in the NHS mental health services being treated for stress/anxiety/panic attacks and that's all on the record. Things aren't as bad now for me as they were two months ago but that doesn't mean it will get better.

I really need to think this through though, whatever I choose to do (most likely find another job, I don't know if I can handle the stress of going through the grievance procedures and convincing colleagues to the same).

I don't have much faith in HR...well I assume it would have to HR in the Corporate office a level above, not our HR department. As large as the NHS is, it seems to me a really small "club" with lots of cliques. Sometimes it reminds me of that reality show "Survivor." Or maybe I'm just going nuts

Southend1

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

It's the NHS - how many people get fired from there?

The best way for you all to deal with this is for ALL of you to put grievances in to HR for different things and all of you not to admit you know about each other's grievances. Although it would have been better done before the cost of tribunals was brought in.

Any HR dept getting more than 3 grievances about a manager will sit up and take notice. Esp if there is bullying and the potential for stress related sickness on the horizon.

Or - all of you use my usual tactic for bullies. Stop what you are doing, get a pencil out, slowly lick the end of the pencil, open your notebook, look at your watch and make a very long and detailed note of exactly what happened, when, what was said and who was present. If the bully asks what you are doing - you say 'I have been advised to make detailed notes of every instance of bullying' and say no more.

OP if you follow this advice the bully is likely to turn it back on you and your colleagues and make out she herself is the victim.

For your own sake, don't try to take on a psychopath. She may not win in the end but she will make you seriously ill or worse in the process.

Coraline

Southend1 wrote: »

OP if you follow this advice the bully is likely to turn it back on you and your colleagues and make out she herself is the victim.

For your own sake, don't try to take on a psychopath. She may not win in the end but she will make you seriously ill or worse in the process.

My partner and I were discussing the situation this morning and we came to the conclusion that this nutter has probably gotten so far in his career precisely because of what you said--making out being the victim and that nothing is his fault.

It's interesting to see how things are carefully manipulated so that if anything goes wrong, there's always someone to take the blame for it.

If I was a psychology student I could probably write a thesis on all of this!!!

Southend1

Coraline wrote: »

My partner and I were discussing the situation this morning and we came to the conclusion that this nutter has probably gotten so far in his career precisely because of what you said--making out being the victim and that nothing is his fault.

It's interesting to see how things are carefully manipulated so that if anything goes wrong, there's always someone to take the blame for it.

If I was a psychology student I could probably write a thesis on all of this!!!

I've been through similar, so between us we could probably write a fantastic thesis!

The conclusion I came to is that these people will go to any lengths to get what they want and destroy anyone in their path they perceive as a threat. Hence my advice to get out and not to get involved. I fought tooth and nail to expose my bully however the psychological damage is not worth it even if you "win" in the long run.

ticiag

Just read this through and having been on the receiving end of a senior manager psychopath actions in a big organisation I wanted to add my support. I hope you don't mind me butting in.
I used HR and the union. I went through all the processes and the manager just took it out on me even more. Also had a brush years ago with a partner. They both enjoyed the games so much and were expert players! I had no peace at all until I was well away from them both.
Can I make a suggestion? Go to HR and say you are looking for promotion, a different field, a new area and if they can guide you how to move on and further your career.
Nothing I ever did stopped the bullying and it was not worth the grief.

Southend1

Missme wrote: »

People must decide for themselves the lengths the wish to go to in any given situation. I won't witness abuse without at least saying something whether that gets me a positive response from the victim or not. Others may 'prefer not to get involved' or outright lie. They make the choices they can live with and I make mine.

I can't see myself chained to railings or throwing myself under race horses but I am ever grateful to the women who did.

The OP will do as the OP will do and that is her choice.

Of course OP should do what she thinks is for the best. However, from my own experience, these people will cause you so much damage it's just not worth the fight. Best to get out with your reputation and mental health (hopefully) as intact as possible.

Coraline

ticiag wrote: »

Just read this through and having been on the receiving end of a senior manager psychopath actions in a big organisation I wanted to add my support. I hope you don't mind me butting in.
I used HR and the union. I went through all the processes and the manager just took it out on me even more. Also had a brush years ago with a partner. They both enjoyed the games so much and were expert players! I had no peace at all until I was well away from them both.
Can I make a suggestion? Go to HR and say you are looking for promotion, a different field, a new area and if they can guide you how to move on and further your career.
Nothing I ever did stopped the bullying and it was not worth the grief.

Thank you ticiag, of course I don't mind you butting in . Oh god I can't even imagine having to deal with two of them tag-teaming!

That's a good suggestion, thanks (about looking for a promotion) but it's strange scenario as I was promoted into this area just a couple months ago--I think I need to find a lateral move into a different NHS organisation. Luckily I have some leave to use up and will use that time to clear my head and a good exit strategy!

Coraline

Southend1 wrote: »

I've been through similar, so between us we could probably write a fantastic thesis!

The conclusion I came to is that these people will go to any lengths to get what they want and destroy anyone in their path they perceive as a threat. Hence my advice to get out and not to get involved. I fought tooth and nail to expose my bully however the psychological damage is not worth it even if you "win" in the long run.

I saw we aim high and pitch it to BBC as a new miniseries about psycho-bosses. But on a spaceship, it has to be different. Like "Swimming with Sharks" crossed with "Star Trek."

I agree, and I think the way this one works is to wear people down until they leave and that way it keeps him/her in the clear...because people don't want bad references or like you say going through the painful process of grievances/tribunals whatever.

With money being an issue and it took me a long time to find work here gotta play it smart. My plan is to fly under the radar, not raise any attention, definitely not gossip or talk about it with other colleagues, and when the right opportunity I find comes along jump ship.

Thank you all, you've been great with your advice and thoughts

ticiag

Good luck

ps By co-incidence this year 2 different men have told me stories about a boss they encountered who bullied their work colleague so much they committed suicide! Two lives! They were both in manual industry. I didn't share my experience as theirs was so shocking.