Birthday/Christmas presents for married children and partners

lostinrates

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

I agree with the OPs friend in that I intend to treat all my DILs the same when the time comes.

The thing is that that doesn't factor their wishes into account. Personally,I prefer to choose my own things and would rather buy my own gloves but would be delighted that the children's grandmother and dh's mum had bought them a pair. Wouldn't feel slighted if sister in laws had been given some and I hadn't. A mil that new me would do omething quite different.....probably get me a drink while the others tried the gloves on.

2gorgeousgirls

We've been married 18 years and I've only once had a birthday card from my MIL, simply because my husband threw a 40th party for me otherwise I wouldn't even have got that.

Can honestly say that it doesn't bother me, especially as I know it is not just me, she doesn't remember any of her "in laws" birthdays. As long as she remembers my children's birthdays (and she does because I always make sure to mention upcoming birthdays the previous week;)) then I'm happy.

Hubby is her son so of course his birthday is going to mean something to her whereas mine is just is not on her radar.

Mind you with 14 grandchildren and 7 great grandchildren she has enough to remember.

DevilsAdvocate1

lostinrates wrote: »

The thing is that that doesn't factor their wishes into account. Personally,I prefer to choose my own things and would rather buy my own gloves but would be delighted that the children's grandmother and dh's mum had bought them a pair. Wouldn't feel slighted if sister in laws had been given some and I hadn't. A mil that new me would do omething quite different.....probably get me a drink while the others tried the gloves on.

But she doesn't do that either. She does nothing for me at all. It is like she is saying "This is my family and you aren't a part of it." Why give her own husband gloves in MY house. Why doesn't she give him his when they are at their own home?

lostinrates

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

But she doesn't do that either. She does nothing for me at all. It is like she is saying "This is my family and you aren't a part of it." Why give her own husband gloves in MY house. Why doesn't she give him his when they are at their own home?

Because its polite to arrive bearing gifts?

I can see its hurtful to you, and don't mean to dismiss your feelings, but she brings your kids gifts. I'd just try and bulldoze her with charm while being grateful you don't have to wear the ghastly gloves to be polite! Get yourself some gloves you have actually chosen!

Treevo

lostinrates wrote: »

Because its polite to arrive bearing gifts?

I can see its hurtful to you, and don't mean to dismiss your feelings, but she brings your kids gifts. I'd just try and bulldoze her with charm while being grateful you don't have to wear the ghastly gloves to be polite! Get yourself some gloves you have actually chosen!

I can't say I've ever thought it very polite to arrive somewhere bearing gifts for someone I've arrived with, while pointedly ignoring the host. But each to their own.

lostinrates

Treevo wrote: »

I can't say I've ever thought it very polite to arrive somewhere bearing gifts for someone I've arrived with, while pointedly ignoring the host. But each to their own.

Apologies, I'd misread as her giving gloves to devil's husband and the mils son, and their kids..


If she's giving glove to her husband in someone else's home she's just odd. . Devil, try and take a twisted pleasure in the odd woman distancing herself from you!

Treevo

lostinrates wrote: »

Apologies, I'd misread as her giving gloves to devil's husband and the mils son, and their kids..


If she's giving glove to her husband in someone else's home she's just odd. . Devil, try and take a twisted pleasure in the odd woman distancing herself from you!

I did think it strange that you'd gone a bit mad!:D:rotfl:

Goldiegirl

I was my parents only child, and my mum and dad used to give me and my DH presents of around equal value. Not that it was about money, as they weren't loaded, but they were nice thoughtful little gifts.

I don't have any children of my own, but if they were grown up and married or in a long term co-habiting relationship, I'd treat the OH the same as my child.

My DH is also an only child, and again, my MIL didn't have much money, but it was obvious that she spent more on my husband than she did me. It did bug me a bit, but not regarding the value, rather it was the present itself.

For example, my if my husband got a nice shirt, I'd get a pack of three tea towels!

I'd didn't let it upset me, but it was something I was aware of

GoldenShadow

I don't like presents and I'm quite different to a lot of people so my OH's family generally don't have an easy job buying for me! I wouldn't have a problem if they didn't get me anything. The fact they do is really nice, I think. At the end of the day my OH has chosen to be with me its nothing to do with his family, they have no choice in the matter anyway!

Thinking about it BIL and SIL always get similar value gifts, as do we from BIL and SIL. None of us really care, if you find something amazing for £50 for one, and something amazing for £5 for another then that's fine and we'd be really pleased to have a gift which had been bought with such care, regardless of cost. MIL and FIL got me something for my birthday which I know wouldn't have cost a lot, and it wasn't amazing quality either! It was bought more (I think) to show that they'd tried really hard to pick a gift that was suited to me, and I was really happy with it. I don't use it but I really like it, I know they would have spent a long time deciding on it

cats2012

This is really interesting. I'm in my twenties and only been married 5 months but since I finished Uni the amount my parents give me has diminished - completely understandably as I now have my own money and they need theirs more as they look to retire!

They never give us cash though, but I do think they spend a little more on me than OH - maybe an extra 1/3? But his parents are the same. I imagine over time it will go down though, once we have kids I'd much rather they spend money on them and just get us a bottle of wine to share!