Birthday/Christmas presents for married children and partners

sulkisu

Wow. No wonder so many people 'don't do Christmas' anymore.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

That's such a clear message!

"I value my son exactly 10 times as much as I value the woman he has chosen to share his life and create a new family with (and who is possibly the mother of my grandchildren)."

Of course parents usually feel stronger emotional connections to their children than to their in-laws, but its not particularly welcoming or inclusive to put an actual figure on it and make sure they are aware of it!

We're very lucky. My parents both adore DH, and actually probably get on with him better than with me:rotfl:. They refer to him as their son (long pause, then quietly) in law or my mother, sometimes says, this is my son, losts husband, the son I never had but now do...

It 'helps' we lived with them for awhile and so they know him really well, and now one of them lives with us.

If asked what we want we just shrug and say nothing or how about lunch, to the one that doesn't live with us. We don't really want for much and if we do we'd rather get it ourselves. It must be very much harder in a situation where needs are keen and things are spread very thin and inequality is felt very keenly in a real material way I think.

CH27

ognum wrote: »

friends OH just ends up giving her his money, it's not like they need the money it's just a point. Interestingly the same MIL also gives different monitory valu to her two grandsons!

That's naughty!

Kynthia

I think it depends on the intention behind it. My parents spend more on me but they love my OH and get him a decent value gift that they have put thought into. He's very happy and was uncomfortable when they once gave him cash/vouchers as I think the value was too obvious and higher than he's used to from his family. His family love me and due to their circumstances get us both a small gift of a similar value. However I wouldn't be bothered if they spent more on him as I know it wouldn't be a statement to me.

melanzana

I just don't understand this present giving business. And I'm not a bah humbug either.. I have been through a very tough time of late, and it has reinforced my view..

Being together, enjoying family and friends, and loving our loved ones every day is whats important, not the monetary value of anything.

And when we know this, why do we need more than a card or a text with a nice greeting, and maybe a get together if that is feasible.

Can anyone remember the Xmas present from anyone three years ago?

Love them, hug them, buy a scratch card maybe to put in the card. But hug them and tell them you love them. That is more important.

Always.

Spirit_2

My mum used to spend more on me for my birthday than she did on my husband. Christmas gifts were usually largish sums of money with which we chose ourselves presents - sometimes joint, sometimes individual. My OH had a bike for Christmas for the last Christmas gift that he bought with his share of money from my mum plus some money we added, I had a kitchenaid.

From my father-in-law we had some wonderful joint gifts and also some hilarious lapses in taste...matching fairisle jumpers:eek:

All welcome, all appreciated in their own way, never a cause for complaint or injury. We were lucky to have them..the parents..the gifts, however oddball, were a bonus.

onlyroz

I wouldn't really expect someone to spend as much on an in-law as they do on their actual child - but it's pretty obnoxious to *expect* a present at all.

My parents tend to get us a bag of bits each, and then some money for us to have a night out together with a promise of baby-sitting. When hubby's dad was alive he made a point if giving everyone exactly the same amount of money - which I thought was a bit odd, but I was always grateful.

With my brother and his wife I tend to get them a small thing each and then something to share.

meritaten

I spend or give exactly the same amounts to my own children and their partners.
I spend/give the same amounts to the grandchildren.
I don't understand why if you accept a partner into the family they are not treated the same.
my sons partners (now wives) were treated as daughters by me and my daughters partner (now husband) is treated as a son. They are family now so get treated as such.

Person_one

melanzana wrote: »

I just don't understand this present giving business. And I'm not a bah humbug either.. I have been through a very tough time of late, and it has reinforced my view..

Being together, enjoying family and friends, and loving our loved ones every day is whats important, not the monetary value of anything.

And when we know this, why do we need more than a card or a text with a nice greeting, and maybe a get together if that is feasible.

Can anyone remember the Xmas present from anyone three years ago?

Love them, hug them, buy a scratch card maybe to put in the card. But hug them and tell them you love them. That is more important.

Always.

I put a lot of thought into the presents I buy the people I love. I try to get them something they'll love but that they'd never think to buy for themselves. I do remember what people have given me, and I know for a fact that people remember things I've given them.

I don't think its fair to be so dismissive of what some of us view as a valuable way of showing affection and appreciation.

DevilsAdvocate1

My inlaws spend an equal amount on my husband and I at Christmas. However, I have noticed that he gets more for his birthday. I get £15 and I think he gets around £60. This doesn't bother me.

What does bother me is that during the year she will sometimes come to our house with presents for everybody. Everybody, that is, except me. She even brings a present for her own husband. So, one time, she brought everyone gloves in early November. There were gloves for her husband, my husband and my three children, but nothing for me.

Its nothing to do with the cost. It makes me feel like I am not part of the family, even though I am the mum of 3 of her grandchildren.

I agree with the OPs friend in that I intend to treat all my DILs the same when the time comes.