Birthday/Christmas presents for married children and partners

ska_lover

My parents tend to spend more on me than my OH, and his parents do the same - spend more on him than they do on me.

I have never felt anyway about it, or even considered it until right this moment

lostinrates

ska_lover wrote: »

My parents tend to spend more on me than my OH, and his parents do the same - spend more on him than they do on me.

I have never felt anyway about it, or even considered it until right this moment

We've thought about it because my sibling raised it as a complaint...that my DH gets the same as she and I do.

My parents pointed out her two children get exactly the same too and I have no hard feelings! Tbh, we'd be happy with cards or a nice email or....a phone call these days, I don't really see the fuss. I dislike receiving a gift for the sake of it as opposed to something they genuinely think I would like (its been cash since a kid and while I know a lot of people hate the idea I genuinely prefer this option and am more grateful for it)

daisiegg

My husband's mother usually gives us a bag of random gifts at Christmas (usually wine, chocolate, a bath gift set that is pretty gender neutral and M&S vouchers). It is not entirely clear whether they are meant for just my husband or for both of us.

I have never received a birthday card from her and I don't think she even knows when my birthday is.

My parents give my husband smaller Christmas and birthday presents than they give me. My mum's parents give my dad less than they give my mum, although sometimes they give joint presents. My dad's father gives money and I think for Christmas, he gives daughters and sons in law the same amount of money as his children, but I think for birthdays he gives the children in law less money than he gives his offspring.

I don't think my husband feels remotely offended that he gets less from my parents than I do - he is just touched and grateful to get anything from them. I have never received a card or present from my husband's mother (with the exception of the Christmas present which may or may not be intended for us both) and it doesn't bother me. I think your friend is being unreasonable.

Mojisola

ognum wrote: »

I think that this is my friends point, she wouldn't care if her MIL bought her a carefully thought out gift, the monetary value wouldn't count, but, it's always money and she gets £10 and her hubby gets £100.

her MIL could just give them a joint pressy but she insists on separate pressy for them.

That's a massive difference! It does sound as if she's making a point.

If this was happening to us, my OH would have had a word with his Mum about it - equal presents or don't buy either of us anything. During the years it had happened, he would have made a point of saying that we were combining the money and buying something for "us" or that he was splitting his money with me.

It's like treating step-children differently. In both our families, everyone is treated the same, whether they have the same genetic links or not.

Person_one

ognum wrote: »

I think that this is my friends point, she wouldn't care if her MIL bought her a carefully thought out gift, the monetary value wouldn't count, but, it's always money and she gets £10 and her hubby gets £100.

her MIL could just give them a joint pressy but she insists on separate pressy for them.

That's such a clear message!

"I value my son exactly 10 times as much as I value the woman he has chosen to share his life and create a new family with (and who is possibly the mother of my grandchildren)."

Of course parents usually feel stronger emotional connections to their children than to their in-laws, but its not particularly welcoming or inclusive to put an actual figure on it and make sure they are aware of it!

neverdespairgirl

Person_one wrote: »

That's such a clear message!

"I value my son exactly 10 times as much as I value the woman he has chosen to share his life and create a new family with (and who is possibly the mother of my grandchildren)."

Of course parents usually feel stronger emotional connections to their children than to their in-laws, but its not particularly welcoming or inclusive to put an actual figure on it and make sure they are aware of it!

I think that it being cash does make a difference.

If I add up what my parents spend on me and OH, it is different, but my mother is always careful to think about OH, consult me, and get something he really likes, enjoys, etc.

So it isn't an "in your face" like handing over a bundle of tenners to one and a tatty fiver to the other.

ognum

Mojisola wrote: »

That's a massive difference! It does sound as if she's making a point.

If this was happening to us, my OH would have had a word with his Mum about it - equal presents or don't buy either of us anything. During the years it had happened, he would have made a point of saying that we were combining the money and buying something for "us" or that he was splitting his money with me.

It's like treating step-children differently. In both our families, everyone is treated the same, whether they have the same genetic links or not.

friends OH just ends up giving her his money, it's not like they need the money it's just a point. Interestingly the same MIL also gives different monitory valu to her two grandsons!

peachyprice

ognum wrote: »

I think that this is my friends point, she wouldn't care if her MIL bought her a carefully thought out gift, the monetary value wouldn't count, but, it's always money and she gets £10 and her hubby gets £100.

her MIL could just give them a joint pressy but she insists on separate pressy for them.

Sorry, but that's worse than giving nothing at all, it's like leaving a 50p tip in a restaurant where you've had poor service, an insult.

At least if she just gave the son the £100 they could happily assume it was a shared gift.

I'm glad my OH isn't the only one with a screwy mother.

BOBS

ognum wrote: »

that's interesting, does that mean that that is what you would do?

never thought of that - we just give them same amount of money each year. They are impossible to please so no point wasting time trying to buy anything !!

Molly41

My parents always have given me a greater sum. My hubby is not concerned in the least - we a re just grateful x