Birthday/Christmas presents for married children and partners

ognum

marisco wrote: »

I think your friend should just be grateful for any gift she receives, and be adult enough to not compare it to what someone else gets. If she can afford to buy something nice for herself with the money given then that is all that matters surely. It is the mother in laws prerogative to give what she wishes to whom. Maybe your friend overlooks all the little things her mil does with her like coffees, lunches etc and doesn't see where extra cash is spent on her throughout the year. It probably balances out fairly, far more than she is letting on.

Interesting though though actually I don't think there are any of those little things!

InsideInsurance

Wow

That would probably be the full sum of my post but I need more characters so will go on.

In our case for Xmas we mainly get a joint present rather than individual ones from the MIL. Birthdays tends to be just a card/ phone call unless we happen to be in the country at the time and then a present is the norm.

My mother we don't speak to and she's never given my wife a present but we get a card to Son & Wife each Xmas, I get a card on my b'day but my wife doesnt get one.

Nicki

I've been married for 22 years to the same person and to be honest I have no idea!

Just seems really odd to me to calculate how much a gift cost and whether someone else's cost more. All I am interested in is whether the gift is thoughtful or not. I'd be miffed if my MIL (or anyone else) was buying me a pair of men's y fronts even if designer name, but would be thrilled with a second hand paperback from a favourite author. My DH feels the same way.

Person_one

I always buy my sisters in law presents of exactly the same value as the ones I buy for my brothers. They are equal members of the family, DNA isn't everything.

I don't think anybody needs to be grateful for a gift that sends a message about how low down you are in the family pecking order!

Torry_Quine

My husband and I do get exactly the same value from parents on both sides and I think that's lovely but it wouldn't have bothered me if less from the in-laws.

maman

Just realised I may be guilty of the same crime.:eek:

Only last week, we gave our 2 DDs a cheque each. We've stopped doing Christmas gifts for adults so now we treat them during the year. DD1 is single but had the same cheque as her married sister. Technically, SIL got nothing but he said thank you anyway as it'll be used for holiday spending money etc.

For birthdays we treat both girls the same, generally get them some clothes or whatever they want (maybe £200). SIL got a bottle of Scotch.:o

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

I always buy my sisters in law presents of exactly the same value as the ones I buy for my brothers. They are equal members of the family, DNA isn't everything.

I don't think anybody needs to be grateful for a gift that sends a message about how low down you are in the family pecking order!

I agree with this. My parents always treated my OH the same as me and his parents spend about the same on us both.

If they didn't, it would say to me that I wasn't as important as my OH. None of us expect presents but loud messages can be given out by the choice of present.

peachyprice

You think you've got problems? My inlaws spend more on me than they do their own son, he does have a seriously screwed up mother though.

Kayalana99

Mojisola wrote: »

I agree with this. My parents always treated my OH the same as me and his parents spend about the same on us both.

If they didn't, it would say to me that I wasn't as important as my OH. None of us expect presents but loud messages can be given out by the choice of present.

I think this is where it gets comlicated when you start bringing 'sister in laws' into it.

The way I see it, you will always go nuts on your kids at xmas...then you get a partner even though they are now part of the family can you imgaine the xmas cost if everyone thought this what happens when you've got 3 kids who then have grandkids and partners....that £200-300 xmas bill goes up to £600-£700 if your to 'match' what you already spend on your own kids...the only way to do it this way would be to spend less on everyone...and I for one would rather have my small presents of MIL then have her giving less to her son for me. Infact, I would rather not have a present at all if it meant my child got more gifts of her but I know she would never do it lol.

That said, I would spend the same amount on my sister as I do my BIL....because I see it as unfair otherwise...I can't really explain why I feel that way but I think its natural to *spoil* your own kids...

neverdespairgirl

Mojisola wrote: »

I agree with this. My parents always treated my OH the same as me and his parents spend about the same on us both.

If they didn't, it would say to me that I wasn't as important as my OH. None of us expect presents but loud messages can be given out by the choice of present.

It never said anything of the sort to me when OH's parents did it to me, and I don't think it does when my parents do it to OH. It merely seems obvious to me, because I'm their daughter, and OH isn't.