Birthday/Christmas presents for married children and partners

ognum

Had a discussion today with a good friend, she has had a MIL for 35 years and every Christmas/ birthday is insulted that she gives a larger monetary gift to her son than she does to her

She is careful to give the same amount to her children's partners as she does to her own kids.

Is she being super sensitive?

tea_lover

She's being incredily ungrateful imo.

BOBS

My MIL always buys DH a much more expensive Christmas present than me - I get a token acknowledgement gift. It has never really bothered me almost 20 years on,..... what ever she wants

ognum

BOBS wrote: »

My MIL always buys DH a much more expensive Christmas present than me - I get a token acknowledgement gift. It has never really bothered me almost 20 years on,..... what ever she wants

that's interesting, does that mean that that is what you would do?

lostinrates

My fil buys none of us gifts, he never remembers, that's fine, we're grown ups. We send him a card, E cause I remind DH to.

My parents give DH and I the same cash value. Sme times my mother gets DH a gift rather than cash because he likes gifts. We always give my parents gifts.

( the main difference with parents is we are geographically closer to my parents than His dad)

marisco_2

I think your friend should just be grateful for any gift she receives, and be adult enough to not compare it to what someone else gets. If she can afford to buy something nice for herself with the money given then that is all that matters surely. It is the mother in laws prerogative to give what she wishes to whom. Maybe your friend overlooks all the little things her mil does with her like coffees, lunches etc and doesn't see where extra cash is spent on her throughout the year. It probably balances out fairly, far more than she is letting on.

balletshoes

ognum wrote: »

Had a discussion today with a good friend, she has had a MIL for 35 years and every Christmas/ birthday is insulted that she gives a larger monetary gift to her son than she does to her

She is careful to give the same amount to her children's partners as she does to her own kids.

Is she being super sensitive?

Yes she is ~ because every family does christmas their own way so what she does has no bearing on what her MIL chooses to do.

neverdespairgirl

My parents only have one to consider - I'm one of 4 children, and the others are all single.

My mother (she does the buying and deciding, and shoves a card at him so he can scrawl "Love Dad" on the bottom) buys Christmas and birthday presents for my OH, but definitely spends quite a bit less on him than on her four children.

I never get cash from my parents, because my mother likes to give us things that we will enjoy, but wouldn't splash out on. So she usually gives me a cashmere jumper for Christmas, for example, and some nice perfume.

Before OH's parents died, the same was also true that way round, his parents gave me something for my birthday (not Christmas, they were Jewish) and much larger gifts to OH.

Same was true, though, for my grandparents - they tended to give something smaller / cheaper to the married-to-their-child rather than their own child.

Nothing wrong with that, I'd have thought.

TeamLowe

to the extent that you should expect a gift from anyone, I expect that my in laws will get me a token present of less worth than that of what they get DH but I've never actually checked. Although even then they are quite a bit more generous than my parents are but they only have a small family - 7 including me whereas my parents have around 30 to buy for

If my parents were to give DH cash I think they give him about half what they give me, they usually get him a t shirt, which is their standard 'male adult' present.

Not that they have to justify it in any way but maybe that's the difference- they have a lot more people that they buy presents for so have to be a bit less generous to afford them all

Both of us are very grateful for any gifts we receive no matter how big or small as it's the thought that counts and nobody is obliged to get you anything.

Kayalana99

Strange question. Can't belive people think this way.

My MIL (to be) buys my partner a big present - usally around £100 because thats what shes always done, now I am in the picture she generally buys me nice things...usally about 5 gifts or so but equal no more then £20...but I appreicate it all same.

My mother gives me around £80, my dad as divorced gives me about £100 and my Nan usally gives me around £60...OH usally gets a crate of beer of some kind from each.

Its never occured to me that they should be giving us equal as not everyone is made of money and end day although we as thier partners are 'part of the family' it doesn't make us thier kids.

hgotsparkle

My mum bought my OH a few things for his birthday, totalling £60, And I believe she gave me double that for my birthday, my OH was more than pleased with what he got, yet his mum didn't get him anything for his birthday and gave me a few small token pieces for mine. Very odd!