Your thoughts please.

January20

I'm not going to give too many details just in case but I would welcome people's thoughts on my little problem.

I turned down a man a good while ago.
As a consequence, he stopped talking to me altogether ie wouldn't say even "hello" (as he would have previously).

Now, he stares at me. All the time that he sees me, he stares at me. He will be standing at his window and watch me walking home for instance. Blatantly. (There are several other examples I could give but won't as I don't want to risk anonymity - this is a popular forum!)

I tried to ignore it, as I see myself as a strong, independent woman who is not unduly scared but I've noticed he stares at me more and more intently, more and more blatantly and as much as I try and ignore him (ie not look at him etc) it's starting to freak me out a little.

I don't know what to think, what to do ie should I be worried? Or carry on ignoring the behaviour as I have? I'm not scared. I'm annoyed!

pollypenny

I would certainly tell someone else, so you have some confirmation if things escalate.

Keep a record, too.

Is there any possibility if having company to walk past his house? You could do with a witness.

How long has this been going on? If recent, hopefully he will get fed up.

January20

pollypenny wrote: »

I would certainly tell someone else, so you have some confirmation if things escalate.

Keep a record, too.

Is there any possibility if having company to walk past his house? You could do with a witness.

How long has this been going on? If recent, hopefully he will get fed up.

I have told a couple of friends and been told to be careful.

We don't live in houses.

It's been going on for months. It seems to be getting worse, in the sense that he is more and more upfront about staring at me.

Guest101

Legally you cant stop him looking at you, which im sure you've worked out. Just need to be clear if he ever approaches you.

DUTR

January20 wrote: »

I'm not going to give too many details just in case but I would welcome people's thoughts on my little problem.

I turned down a man a good while ago.
As a consequence, he stopped talking to me altogether ie wouldn't say even "hello" (as he would have previously).

Now, he stares at me. All the time that he sees me, he stares at me. He will be standing at his window and watch me walking home for instance. Blatantly. (There are several other examples I could give but won't as I don't want to risk anonymity - this is a popular forum!)

I tried to ignore it, as I see myself as a strong, independent woman who is not unduly scared but I've noticed he stares at me more and more intently, more and more blatantly and as much as I try and ignore him (ie not look at him etc) it's starting to freak me out a little.

I don't know what to think, what to do ie should I be worried? Or carry on ignoring the behaviour as I have? I'm not scared. I'm annoyed!

As per reply #4
If you are 'simply' annoyed, although you say he doesn't speak to you, does he respond if you speak to him?
Do you / he have a new 'friend'?

Perhaps he has taken really badly and is harmless or he could be the next Ted Bundy.

January20

Guest101 wrote: »

Legally you cant stop him looking at you, which im sure you've worked out. Just need to be clear if he ever approaches you.

Lol! I know I can't stop him looking at me! there is however a big difference between looking at someone and staring at them, isn't there?

As for him approaching me, that's partly why I have posted here. He has asked me out. I turned him down. I suppose I'm concerned about what he might do next since he seems to be more and more upfront about staring.

aliasojo

January20 wrote: »

I turned down a man a good while ago.
As a consequence, he stopped talking to me altogether ie wouldn't say even "hello" (as he would have previously).

This isn't normal behaviour. Therefore don't assume normal ways of dealing with this (like ignoring for example) will work.

January20 wrote: »

It's been going on for months. It seems to be getting worse, in the sense that he is more and more upfront about staring at me.

This clearly isn't *just* a case of 'nose out of joint after having been knocked back', this is more. Imo. It's verging on deliberate intimidation.

I'd be asking the local Bobby to have a friendly word. No need for heavy tactics or an official complaint, just a 'lay off' type message.

January20

DUTR wrote: »

As per reply #4
If you are 'simply' annoyed, although you say he doesn't speak to you, does he respond if you speak to him?
Do you / he have a new 'friend'?

Perhaps he has taken really badly and is harmless or he could be the next Ted Bundy.

The first time I said good morning to him after I turned him down he just looked at me really nastily and didn't reply. So now I don't speak to him at all. I will not try and speak to him at all because I think he got the wrong idea because I would just say hi and pass the time of day.

I do think he has taken it badly but the initial incident was a few years ago and at first there was no staring. This started a few months ago.

This is it DUTR, he could be the next Ted Bundy but I don't want to have to live my life as though he would do something.

I don't have a new "friend". I have no idea about him.
The one thing that has changed is that I live alone now.

January20

aliasojo wrote: »

This isn't normal behaviour. Therefore don't assume normal ways of dealing with this (like ignoring for example) will work.



This clearly isn't *just* a case of 'nose out of joint after having been knocked back', this is more. Imo. It's verging on deliberate intimidation.

I'd be asking the local Bobby to have a friendly word. No need for heavy tactics or an official complaint, just a 'lay off' type message.

I don't think it's normal behaviour. I think it's normal to be a bit embarrassed when you ask somebody out and they turn you down. Or disappointed. But to stop just being polite is something else.

I'm not sure I have any reason to take the police route, although on reflection I wouldn't mind their advice on the situation and certainly protecting myself.

SailorSam

Blimey if i stood at the window staring at every woman who'd turned me down i'd be there all day. He does sound odd, you're lucky you never went or things could be worse.

January20

SailorSam wrote: »

Blimey if i stood at the window staring at every woman who'd turned me down i'd be there all day. He does sound odd, you're lucky you never went or things could be worse.

Ahah! Thanks you made me laugh!