Your thoughts please.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

If you get plain nets; with no pattern; and maybe not bright white; they look lovely. I used to use muslin - I had one window in my last house that went from under the roof to the ground; just next to the stairs; so I made a really long one piece muslin net for it.

Mojisola

January20 wrote: »

I did a search online to see if there would be any useful info/ ideas or whatever and it seems that a lot of advice to people who've had similar situations is "ignore it/ them".

Easier said than done as, until you find yourself in that situation, you just don't realise how uncomfortable it can be!

I had an ex (well, if you can call someone you went out with twice an ex!) who started behaving the same way - driving slowly past the house, staring, etc.

I did the ignore thing, too, until one of his workmates told me that he had started carrying an axe in his car and that his behaviour was starting to worry them.

Savvy_Sue

Rather than nets, what about a plain roller blind, or IKEA do pleated ones which are quite nice. They do cut the light out more though.

Kynthia

As it's been going on for months then it's clear he's creepy and odd. However there are lots of strange, odd and creepy guys who aren't violent. So be careful but don't let it ruin your life. If he's not followed you and you've not seen him away from where you both live then that's a good sign, same with harassing people you know. If he's also never threatened violence it's also good. The Network for Surviving Stalking has good advice and things to watch out for but they also advocate listening to your instincts.

pollypenny

January, you could try those cafe curtains, in a heavy sort if Dutch lace. They might look okay.

Don't know what your de or is, of course.

I don't think you are paranoid, at all. I would be very uneasy, too.

paddy's_mum

January - perhaps you can explain why you are using logic and reasoning to shut up your gut instincts?!!

Persistent, determined staring (or would the word 'glaring' be more accurate?) is aggression however subtle it may be - it's meant to be intimidating and that is exactly the result he is achieving, whether or not he knows it.

To the Police, my girl, pronto ...better to be a living 'neurotic old b ee tch' than waking up dead in a ditch some fine morning.

Prothet_of_Doom

As a single male friend once said to me " Just because I'm staring does not mean I'm stalking.......mind you it doesn't mean I'm not..." oh how we laughed. He was refering to a woman at work who had made an allegation to HR about the way he looked at her. I think he was actually very upset, but I got him a bit drunk and he sort of saw the funny side.

IMHO, he's staring because he knows it freaks you out. And he knows it's the only legal way of freaking you out.

What you could do is ignore it.

January20

It's really interesting to see all the different points of view from the various posters. It's really giving me food for thought!

Prophet of Doom, your post reminded me of a comment a male friend made to me at the time this guy asked me out. I was completely dumbfounded as to why he had, I was questioning whether I had given signals? My mate just said "you just need to talk some guys for them to think you're interested". And we laughed too!

Why am I using logic and reasoning Paddy's mum? Because I was shocked when he asked me out and a friend said "do you think he'll do anything? " when I said he had stopped talking to me and that put me on my guards. I have been on my guards ever since, I'm very careful when I'm out and about, I'm very careful not to be in his proximity, I avoid looking at him, etc. Consequently, I'm very aware I could easily succumb to paranoia.

And yes, the word glaring is actually more appropriate to what he is doing.

In the spirit of MSE, ie saving money, I spent yesterday morning going through my stash of fabrics and I fashioned a curtain for my kitchen window. It's a light fabric and is letting enough light through so at the moment it is closed and will remain so for the time being. I thought I would resent having the curtain up but in fact I'm enjoying being hidden! I'm thinking in terms of weaning him of this habit of staring into my window.

For the moment, I have decided to ignore him, whilst keeping in mind the warnings from many posters on here and therefore remaining alert.

Those of you who have urged me to go to the police, don't feel offended that I am not doing so at the moment. I am not ignoring your advice. I've taken it on board and I may yet go and get some advice. I'm just very wary of making this situation worse. I'm also very aware that because I live on my own now, I feel more vulnerable. I'm not scared but it's not the same as living with another 2 people is it?

Many, many thanks to all of you who commented on this thread.

aliasojo

January20 wrote: »

Those of you who have urged me to go to the police, don't feel offended that I am not doing so at the moment. I am not ignoring your advice.

Don't be daft. I for one am not in the least offended nor will anyone else be I'm sure.

I shall just go sob quietly in the corner because you have completely disregarded my caring warnings and advice.

Just kidding! Be safe. x

ostrichnomore_2

My new flat faces directly into a massive retail park car park and I felt like I was living in a goldfish bowl. I too hate net curtains but had to do something. Dunhelm mill do a big range of voile curtains that do exactly the same job but look nothing like granny net curtains. Done all my windows in them and very pleased with the effect - no more gawpers and they actually look nice not naff. Well, some of the designs were a bit yuk but most looked good.