Your thoughts please.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

January20 wrote: »

So far on this thread we have been having a very nice discussion where nobody has got annoyed with any body else. I would like it to remain so, please?

My reply to you was not antagonistic or nasty. Of course, I am aware that you can't read mind. There is no need to be short with me.

I suggested you were misunderstanding me because in my 1st post, I gave the example you referred to and said that I could give other examples but wouldn't do so.

Where did you get the idea I was staring at him?

From you saying that he looks up at your windows! You must be looking out of the window to see him staring up.

I have no idea why you have taken umbridge...I asked one question and you told me I was misunderstanding you...then you gave different information and I've asked another. I really can't mind read..so I am trying to point out that actually; you only know he is staring at you because you are staring at him. Otherwise how do you know? Have you got other people telling you that he is staring at your windows?

If you don't want anyone asking actual questions you should have said so.

Teenie_D

jaqs_back wrote: »

Kurt Cobain sang those words in Lithium

Territorial P!ssings you mean

My first reaction when I read the OP was to stare and wave at him but that might not be the best idea, like someone else aid though, the odd glance to show you know he's watching might hopefully, eventually do the trick. Not a nice position to be in

Funky_Bold_Ribena

jaqs_back wrote: »

You're being a bit sharp their FBR.

Am I? I thought I'd just asked a question.

Thanks for the PM telling me I am a 'Rude !!!!!!' though.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

jaqs_back wrote: »

Can you stop being so confrontational?

And your advice is...oh yes that he is unhinged.

Mine is - to ask questions to see if there might be something else going on.

You stick to yours and I'll stick to mine. There's a love.

January20

I've removed the content of this post because there were too many details I really didn't want to leave online. Sorry!

Funky_Bold_Ribena

No, I hadn't taken offence! I was just to the point with no hugs and stuff!

Ok - so he lives in the same building/near as dammit and you really can't duck and dive so as not to 'see' him? Can you get a net curtain for your kitchen window etc and just ignore the watching for now and then possibly look at moving in the future?

One of the things that my ex-boss used to do when people stared was to tap his nose making out that they were being nosey - it worked every time.

BitterAndTwisted

My sister has a neighbour who acts in a similar way although she hasn't been asked out on a date but would have turned him down anyway as he's not in the least interesting or attractive, and very possibly a homosexual given what little we know about his living arrangements. He's an interfering busybody who annoys most of the other neighbours, too. He lives in the flat next door and I caught him peering in the window while he stood on his balcony one afternoon. I gave him a wave and then drew the curtains on him.

Since then my sister has invested in some blinds so he can't look in any more and I suggest you do the same in your kitchen. Then, he can't see you if he's staring up, so he won't be aware whether you can see him or not. He's possibly a passive attention-seeker so it might be best if he can't elicit any attention from you whether good or ill when you're quietly inside your home minding your own business

Funky_Bold_Ribena

I can't stop myself from looking at houses I've previously lived in when we drive/walk by...it's not sinister - I'm not looking to break in and sit down in the front room or smell the carpet or anything.

Fluff15

OP I do feel for you, to outsiders it may look like nothing, but to you it certainly feels sinister.

I really like Funky Bold Ribena's idea of getting a eat curtain - that will cut his view of you off in your own home. I would secondly also tell as many people as you know about how he's behaving, including your neighbours, colleagues and friends. They will be there to support you and maybe some will walk you to your car, or you can knock on their door in an emergency (I hope it never comes to that).

I can see why you don't want to contact the police incase it antagonises him. If I were you, before leaving the house I would dial 999 on my phone without calling, then carry my phone in my hand whilst I'm walking until I get to my destination. That way, they are only one button away. Keep your keys in between your fingers in your other hand.

If he approaches you, yell 'fire' as loud as you can. Unfortunately, there's many cases, studies and psychology behind the fact that people will respond to somebody shouting fire rather than help, or screaming. I think they call it the bystander effect.

And OP, I am so sorry you're going through this. When I was 19 I used to get a bus to work, and one day it came to a stop and an old man in dirty clothes walked off the bus. I was still seated (in the opposite direction to the front) and as he was walking down the isle, he groped my breast. At first, I thought it was a mistake, as he was old and could have lost his footing, but as weeks went on, he would sit next to me at every opportunity, even on an empty bus; stand in the same shelter as me (even though there were several others and I was sitting in the wrong one for the bus I'd use); the tipping point came when there was two busses at the same time and I got on the different and more expensive one to get away. He followed me on to the empty bus and sat right behind me. After that, I told the bus conductors and they refused him onto their busses in the future.
This was him doing 'nothing', but it made me uncomfortable as hell and I cried a few times because I was so scared. I know how you feel all too well and I'm sorry its happening around your own home. Stay safe x

Mojisola

jaqs_back wrote: »

one of my favourite musicians said that. although I wouldn't want to recommend following his lead!

Isn't it from Catch 22?