Your thoughts please.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Perhaps he IS there all day?

Are your movements so fixed that he knows when exactly you are going to walk past? Or does he just sit and watch all day and when you have gone, stop watching?

January20

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Perhaps he IS there all day?

Are your movements so fixed that he knows when exactly you are going to walk past? Or does he just sit and watch all day and when you have gone, stop watching?

Ah you're misunderstanding me! this was just an example. There are many other instances/ examples in various situations around my home where it has happened. I don't want to give too many precise examples just in case.

My movements are not fixed but his are so, for instance, I know that if he leaves the building, as he walks out he will turn round and look up at my windows. Always! And it is my windows, not a general look at the building.

DUTR

January20 wrote: »

The first time I said good morning to him after I turned him down he just looked at me really nastily and didn't reply. So now I don't speak to him at all. I will not try and speak to him at all because I think he got the wrong idea because I would just say hi and pass the time of day.

I do think he has taken it badly but the initial incident was a few years ago and at first there was no staring. This started a few months ago.

This is it DUTR, he could be the next Ted Bundy but I don't want to have to live my life as though he would do something.

I don't have a new "friend". I have no idea about him.
The one thing that has changed is that I live alone now.

I can imagine it can be uncomfortable and more so the fear of not knowing, what makes it sound more creepy, is the no mention of friends (his side) , as I can see what you mean from another reply,
if for instance you went to the police and they had a word and it was all harmless then you may feel guilty about following that route.
But if you do nothing and it escualtes it could be too late,
perhaps he is not the 'full ticket' or is just one of those people that stare or appear to be staring (my sister fosters a young male and he is soft as cheese, but his eyes are spooky made worse as he does not speak much)

SailorSam wrote: »

Blimey if i stood at the window staring at every woman who'd turned me down i'd be there all day. He does sound odd, you're lucky you never went or things could be worse.

Nobody turns me down....nobody :rotfl:

Mojisola

January20 wrote: »

The one thing that has changed is that I live alone now.

That's the bit that would worry me. Even though you don't have anyone else in your life, you still don't want him. If his view of the world is distorted, that might be the trigger that's making him obsess over you.

I would talk to your local police. They might not do anything yet but make sure they make a note of your worries and, if things escalate, they will know it's a long running problem.

gwen80

OP from what you've described it seems that most of this behaviour happens around your home...I realise it's not ideal and it really shouldn't be necessary, but could you move at all?

His behaviour sounds quite creepy and intimidating. He may be deliberately trying to intimidate you as 'revenge' for your turning him down or he may not realise how creepy his behaviour is. Either way it's not really normal behaviour.

January20

DUTR you've got it exactly! (no wonder you never get turned down - you understand women so well )

Although a couple of people have mentioned the police, my concern is that if I seek their help, they will take over and do whatever they think is appropriate and it may be the totally wrong thing. Or I would be wasting their time as, as somebody pointed out earlier, it's not a crime to look at someone! But at the same time, I have to look after myself.

Misojola, the staring started before I was on my own but it's true that it has become worse since. And it's true that I feel a little more vulnerable now I'm on my own.

January20

jaqs_back wrote: »

you are sounding slightly paranoid maybe now you live alone, it means you have more time to ruminate on things such as this, are are perhaps seeing an issue where there is none.

It's a very good point. I've thought about that. I don't think so. I'm careful but we all have to be careful, don't we? I'm not scared. I don't view strangers as a threat and when I see a man looking at me, I mostly hope it's because they like what they see I don't see it as a threat.

gwen80 wrote: »

OP from what you've described it seems that most of this behaviour happens around your home...I realise it's not ideal and it really shouldn't be necessary, but could you move at all?

His behaviour sounds quite creepy and intimidating. He may be deliberately trying to intimidate you as 'revenge' for your turning him down or he may not realise how creepy his behaviour is. Either way it's not really normal behaviour.

I really only see him around my home.
Moving is something I am considering (but not because of him!) but it won't be possible for a while yet.

marisco_2

This guy sounds quite unstable to me. His reaction to you turning him down and his behaviour since is not normal. Whilst him staring at you does you no physical harm, it is causing you anxiety and to feel intimidated. I am not surprised that you also question what he may do next. He may do nothing but why should you be left wondering if things could escalate. I think it would be worth contacting the police, explain to them what is going on and that you worry for his state of mind. They will advise you how to handle things from now on and will hopefully make a visit to him and check out how he is.

SailorSam

jaqs_back wrote: »

you are sounding slightly paranoid maybe now you live alone, it means you have more time to ruminate on things such as this, are are perhaps seeing an issue where there is none.

"Just 'cos i'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me"
Who was it said that ?

The situation is making the Op feel uncomfortable, even if it were in her imagination it's better she lets other people be aware of what's going on.

January20

marisco wrote: »

This guy sounds quite unstable to me. His reaction to you turning him down and his behaviour since is not normal. Whilst him staring at you does you no physical harm, it is causing you anxiety and to feel intimidated. I am not surprised that you also question what he may do next. He may do nothing but why should you be left wondering if things could escalate. I think it would be worth contacting the police, explain to them what is going on and that you worry for his state of mind. They will advise you how to handle things from now on and will hopefully make a visit to him and check out how he is.

I'm quite happy to get advice from the police but I wouldn't be terribly happy about them contacting him. He hasn't done anything wrong and them having a word with him could possibly worsen the situation if he is really unhinged or vindictive. The police would have a word, leave and I'd still have to live here and deal with him.

And of course, it would show him that he's got to me!

I know, you might think I'm not very logical or realistic but....


Thanks SailorSam. It is making me feel uncomfortable. I posted here to see what other people, who don't know me, would suggest because friends often tend to tell you what they think you want to hear. And even being told I could be paranoid is useful because it's making me reflect on my feelings. And I could be paranoid and in danger lol!