Nice People Thread Part 9 - and so it continues

lostinrates

GDB2222 wrote: »

I'm lost. What should I be horrified about? I need to know, so I can work myself up into a frenzy of indignation.

Ok, that's good, so long as I haven't offended everybody. I'm sorry I overstepped comfort for some, but I don't think I was too outrageous.

I still think its an important public health message that in some circumstances in monogamous relationships there is no safe alternative to a condom. There are lots of people who don't know that, sti's increase and peoe are talking more about sex, especially in middle aged women and 'naughty books' but that same demographic maybe don't have access to the same sort of information because people assume they know or have the information since the 80s.

silvercar

GDB2222 wrote: »

How does this work if you do have serious issues to discuss with him? Do you always manage never to be critical? Do you never argue?

I took it to mean, "in front of other people".

For what its worth, we occasionally have disagreements, but rarely argue.

michaels

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I feel very uncomfortable indeed when I hear other people criticising their spouses - I remember a work colleague telling me how awkward his wife was about getting their eldest to school on time - when she had a 1 year old and was 8 months pregnant. My sympathies were entirely with her, trying to sort out 6 year old, baby, and large bump, but even if they'd not been, I disliked hearing him say how useless she was at getting eldest to school on time!

I think there my be a difference for men and women in terms of what outlets they have for discussing these matters. I suspect women may be more likely to discuss such things with their mums, sisters or best friends whereas men may actually feel more comfortable having a general moan to someone who they don't know that well and is completely independent from the situation - such as a work colleague. I'm not saying it is the right thing to do but I can see why it might happen. I know I sometimes moan about DW on here when we disagree and I am unable to understand her point of view, apologies if that makes you lot feel uncomfortable.

lostinrates

Hit the deck.. The man here to repair the woodburner freaked.

Eye clinic this afternoon....going to tell them I'm going down a lot.

And also, weirdly that I think my eyes have changed colour a little...vain or possibly relevant?

I seem to recall from things I was never interested in that some hormonal things can impact on eye colour but cannot for the life of me think what. Can age dull eye colour other than cataracts?

michaels

lostinrates wrote: »

Hit the deck.. The man here to repair the woodburner freaked.

???? I thought the wood burner was abandoned to the lawyers and you were sourcing an alternative ??????

lostinrates

michaels wrote: »

???? I thought the wood burner was abandoned to the lawyers and you were sourcing an alternative ??????

No, that's the wood pellet boiler . This is the wood burner,....in the fire place. Which needed servicing and repair....( new firebricks, baffle and glass)

neverdespairgirl

GDB2222 wrote: »

Leaving aside a relatively small number of "open marriages", I doubt that many women are prepared to turn a blind eye. However, when the occasion arises, they find they have very limited choices. At least, I assume that that is why some women remain in abusive relationships, rather than fleeing.

Many people do not have your education, your ability to earn a living independently, and your supportive family. In the absence of those, they may feel trapped.

Yes, I'm lucky - I love OH, and I want to be with him, but I don't need him, I could look after myself and earn my own living, if I had to. That makes being with him a positive choice, rather than something I'm stuck in.

GDB2222 wrote: »

How does this work if you do have serious issues to discuss with him? Do you always manage never to be critical? Do you never argue?

I mean, I don't like to criticise him in front of other people. If there is something I (or he) wants to talk about, change, get done, not have it being done, then we talk about it between ourselves, rather than criticise in front of other people. We don't tend to argue in a shouting, chucking saucepans kind of way, though, but we do sometimes disagree about things, of course!

michaels wrote: »

I know I sometimes moan about DW on here when we disagree and I am unable to understand her point of view, apologies if that makes you lot feel uncomfortable.

I've never felt uncomfortable about anything you've said about your DW. Discussing different points of view, things you'd rather do or not do, is different from criticising.

It's the difference, I think, between saying, "my wife / husband / 'er indoors thinks X, I think Y, what do you lot reckon?" and, "that idiot reckons that...."

One is a disagreement, looking for different points of view. The other's b1tching. Does that make sense?

Edited to add - you've never spoken about your wife with anything other than respect, and that's the difference, I think. Of course you don't think and do everything the same, how boring would that be? But you do respect her, and that comes across, even when you don't agree with her.

neverdespairgirl

lostinrates wrote: »

Hit the deck.. The man here to repair the woodburner freaked.

Eye clinic this afternoon....going to tell them I'm going down a lot.

And also, weirdly that I think my eyes have changed colour a little...vain or possibly relevant?

OH claims my eyes change colour all the time, from grey via blue to greeny-blue. Depends on my mood, apparently!

lostinrates

I'll b1tch if you like?

My transport attempts for today fell through so I have to rely on both parents today. They usually get along ok but today are carping at each other over a cup of tea.

I feel like crying. I hate having separated parents, I actually find my parents hard work. I am immensely grateful to them for everything of course. And I am very 'mature' about a lot of difficult situations, but I am cross because I HATE being dependant on anyone let alone them who I fought so hard to be independent from very long for personal reasons and now here I am sitting in my kitchen grumping and sulking like a kid.

Phew, feel better, can go next door like a grown up now.

Sorry.

GDB2222

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

We don't tend to argue in a shouting, chucking saucepans kind of way

I'm not sure whether it's such a bad thing to shout. I suspect it's a lot more therapeutic for the shouter than the shoutee, though, so it needs to be both ways. I don't have a problem with chucking saucepans about, as long as it's 'about' and not 'at somebody'. It's far better to argue than bottle it up.

When DW really wants to make her point, she doesn't say anything. Just broods. She's had me appeasing her for days on end that way.