Ever acceptable to not pay for kids?

shegirl

SuzieSue wrote: »

I said probably. Why do you only read what you want to read?

You also earlier said that a decent man wouldn't leave a decent woman!

Rottensocks

Originally Posted by harrys nan
Social services seem to be a waste of time, how many more children have to slip throught the net before something is done about everything that is going wrong????

In this case, the OP says that the kids are satisfied where they are, so social services are going to have them at the bottom of the list because they aren't starved, flogged or beaten...they're grubby and a bit neglected.

And (no offence to OP here at all, or a reflection upon her) Social Services are well used to seeing seperated parents calling each other out on child welfare issues: goes with the territory and I bet they put it down to 'custody dispute' a lot of the time. (Rightly or wrongly - the idiots who abuse these services ruin it for the ones who NEED intervention).

ViolaLass

If I thought my step-children were suffering, I wouldn't wait for Social Services to do something, I would move heaven and earth to get full custody.

The OP hasn't done this - no criticism intended, it just leads me to assume that she feels the kids are OK where they are.

fawd1

muchly wrote: »

Bit of back story, partner has 2 kids with ex, has court ordered equal parental rights which state no party would be required to pay the other, however he has never missed a payment, giving her a substantial amount every month.
We have 2 children together, I lost my job without warning at new year and despite applying for jobs daily I've had no luck (doesn't help I've had limited availability due to lack of childcare). Partners wage is higher than nmw but lower then local average. Last 7 months on one wage has been hell, fallen behind on several bills etc.
This month it's our youngest birthday and both our children will be starting school and require uniform (school jumper alone is £12 each, eldest has problems with her feet so can't have the cheaper supermarket shoes) I've tried to buy as much second hand as possible but several items need to be school logo and therefore cost more. Family has helped as much as they can by buying school bags/lunch bag etc but actual clothing they still need.
On the other hand neither his ex nor her partner work, he has some dodgy dealings though. They are just back from an expensive holiday abroad, they have latest gadgets, always getting tattoos, going for meals and nights out. Their younger children (not my partners) are dressed head to toe in designer clothes. They received a uniform grant of £55 per child but admitted she didn't need to get much so she bought herself new trainers instead. Partners children are not well cared for. Shoes are much too small, 10 year old wearing shorts and crop tops for 3-4 y/o when it's snowing. We have to keep clothes and shoes here for them (they split custody) we tried sending clothes home with them but they'd be sold! They don't get to go on holidays or day trips with their siblings.so we are paying her maintenance although he's not required to, and we still have to feed and dress them half the week.
Now this month we got hit with an earnings arrestment for council tax (for this years bill). We were granted a time to pay order but not before they'd arrested this months wage! It's left us absolutely broke. I have been trying to go bankrupt ( I have a lot of debt built up by my ex that I'd been paying off until hit with redundancy) however I can't afford the fee so had to put it on the back burner. In a moment of desperation I'd looked for a loan to pay for uniform, something very small for birthday and food/electric/gas for the rest of the month but it's not going to happen.
Now I've asked my partner if it's possible not to pay maintenance JUST THIS MONTH, which would mean we could get food mad electric and minimum essential uniform he refuses. What upsets me is hearing his ex brag that she's spent £100 on alcohol on one night out while I can't put shoes on my children's feet or food on the table!
Am I being unreasonable? If I thought for a moment his children would be at risk if he didn't pay then I would never ask him to miss it. But it feels like we fund her lavish lifestyle while I'm counting pennies to buy bread and milk!
I apologise if this is hard to read, trying to-do this on a tiny phone screen after an epic 9 hour drive back from a funeral after 3 hours sleep!!

I know it may not seem fair because his ex is living the high life whilst you're in dire straits. However, the reality, for me at least, is that it's never ok to stop providing for your children. Ever. You can contact CSA to see whats fair, and go from there. They may not be ideal but at least it's official

muchly

I understand people asking why if its that bad we don't just take them away from their mum but as I previously said, we attempted that before and was warned that there was nothing stopping her from coming into their school and taking them home, while stopping us from access. If we kept them off of school it would be us who would be prosecuted. Also without the support from the school,health professionals and social services, as well as the children not wanting to leave their mums house, we would be highly unlikely to be granted custody by a judge. In fact if we were seen to be acting irresponsibly the judge could remove the joint custody altogether!!

As well as the fact we have no money for solicitors. At the moment we feel all we can do is make sure they have somewhere stable and loving half of the time at least. They aren't in danger at their mums, they are unloved and uncared for but they are fed, they are housed and they do well at school.

The school doesn't know if they have the same pants and socks on for a week, or not been washed, they have classes with 30 odd children, in an area where most residents are on the bread line. They blend into the background.

Hubby has to work late tonight so haven't had a chance to talk, will try and get 5 minutes peace away from 4 children over the weekend and discuss everything. Im going to ask if he will consider only giving her half this month. I don't know if he will agree but I will try. Would be nice to be able to have more than 1 meal a day this month!

jenhug

How much does he currently pay her Muchly?

muchly

£300 per month :-(

jenhug

sweet mother of jesus! thats a heck of a lot more than the nothing she is supposed to get off him!

I have sent you a PM. x

jenhug

While I respect his moral stand point, Seeing his wife and other 2 children go without is just as bad as not paying her anything at all in my opinion.

muchly

I know! This was the amount agreed on back before there was shared custody and before we had our own children. While I may not of liked it it wasn't a problem when we were both working.
I think knowing the changes in legal aid now, would mean he worries less about her using the children as a weapon. He'll hopefully feel more confident in telling her he needs to reduce the amount he pays her.