Ever acceptable to not pay for kids?

RAS

I think this is a Scottish case? In which case a lot of the legal rules will be very very different to England and that will limit the use of comments by English posters.

LannieDuck

muchly wrote: »

...she even went as far as saying they could live with us full time but only if she could keep the benefits!!

Difficult to tell what their home situation really is if the school say they're happy and well adjusted. Why were they removed from her care previously?

If you honestly believe the kids are suffering neglect, then you should accept her offer of them living with you full time. Ensuring their welfare is more important than child benefit. You don't get the money now anyway, although I appreciate having two more mouths to feed for 1/2 the week will make things tight for a while.

Get them living with you full time while she's in the mood to let you do it without a fight, then you can worry about official residency/the money when you've got an established situation.

muchly

Wow apologies, this ended up more of a rant/off loading then it was supposed to be!

I should also maybe say my partner is looking for another job as well, he has spoken to his boss about a pay rise but no one is getting them this year :-(

I have applied for everything going, I spend hours per day looking and applying.

I know my partner needs to grow a backbone, I'll say it before anyone else. I don't know if its because his ex beat him (the taboo subject where she would hit him and he never raised his hand, so bad he needed surgery on his shoulder after she threw a massive mirror at him, she's also given him concussion when they were together) so he hates any arguments now.

Thank you to everyone for your comments and advice, it is appreciated. I suppose I needed to know if I should stand my ground when arguing over whether to pay her just this month or not, or if I was being unreasonable!

As for youngests birthday I've found our local cinema are doing their £1 movies during the holidays so I will take her on Monday, and since its at 10am I wont need to worry about snacks!

Surely if we took the children in and allowed her to continue claiming benefits we could be prosecuted for fraud? I don't care if she is but we always assumed we would be party to that so could also come under fire? Even so that was last year, I doubt she would agree to it now, she needs the kids as a bartering tool :-(

They were removed from her care before as there was concerns over her new partner, as well as neglect. She got pregnant and there was little effort made over her children with my hubby. Then she decided she wanted them back, she seemed to get her crap together and Social services decided that they were better off living with their mum and having routine contact with husband!

Social Services here have admitted unless they are being dangerously neglected (not fed etc) that they aren't interested. They don't care if they arent being washed or clothed properly, if they are witnessing violence, if their stepdads getting stoned in front of them and they have all kinds of violent criminals in and out their house!

Guest101

option a, buy her PR from her.

option b, she cant stop access any more than you could, but a fight probably wouldnt help the kids. accept her offer to live ith u, without the benefits.

Person_one

Gosh, from the way you've described her his ex is pretty much the worst human being alive. What are the chances, eh?

SuzieSue

Person_one wrote: »

Gosh, from the way you've described her his ex is pretty much the worst human being alive. What are the chances, eh?

Yes, there are some awful women (and men) around. My husband's ex was unbelievable too - she actually blackmailed him using her own widowed mother as the pawn in her games.

Person_one

SuzieSue wrote: »

Yes, there are some awful women (and men) around. My husband's ex was unbelievable too - she actually blackmailed him using her own widowed mother as the pawn in her games.

Seems strange though, I've never seen a thread like this where the ex is described as a normal, decent person who doesn't deserve to be screwed over, they alway deserves it, somehow...

SuzieSue

Person_one wrote: »

Seems strange though, I've never seen a thread like this where the ex is described as a normal, decent person who doesn't deserve to be screwed over, they alway deserves it, somehow...

Because in my experience it is the decent men who are trapped by manipulating women. If the ex was a normal, decent person then she wouldn't be an ex because the decent man wouldn't have left her.

My husbands ex was not as bad as the OP's husband's ex but she trapped him by getting pregnant by pretending she was on the pill and then was violent towards him etc.

tea_lover

muchly wrote: »

Their is drug use in their home, their step fathers family are all violent criminals, there is violence between their mum and stepdad, and there is serious neglect (not being washed, not given clean and suitable clothing or shoes, his ex admitting she doesn't have a bond with the children) she even went as far as saying they could live with us full time but only if she could keep the benefits!! We have done everything we can.

Why on earth are you sending children back to this environment for half of their lives if it's as bad as you say? If you have serious concerns about their welfare surely you'd keep them with you.

MakeupAddict_2

Person_one wrote: »

Seems strange though, I've never seen a thread like this where the ex is described as a normal, decent person who doesn't deserve to be screwed over, they alway deserves it, somehow...

Because if the ex is a normal, decent person who doesn't deserve to be screwed over, there'll be open communication and everything gets sorted rationally, so there's no reason to be posting on here asking for advice?

MuAx