Ever acceptable to not pay for kids?

Erinnire

If they have split custody I don't see why he is paying anyway? If the mother is claiming all the child related benefits as well but only has the children half the time?

If the children are being treated so poorly why hasn't he done something about it? Surely that's his duty as their father (as much as it is hers) to make sure they are safe, well cared for and loved.

Is he really over that relationship?

Kudos to him for supporting his kids but when he is doing so over the benefit of his other children and also denying those kids a better quality of life when they stay with him unessacarily (spelling) when it seems even with that money the qol at their mums is poor.

To me that just doesn't make any sense.

Spendless

Erinnire wrote: »

If they have split custody I don't see why he is paying anyway? If the mother is claiming all the child related benefits as well but only has the children half the time?

If the children are being treated so poorly why hasn't he done something about it? Surely that's his duty as their father (as much as it is hers) to make sure they are safe, well cared for and loved.

Is he really over that relationship?

Kudos to him for supporting his kids but when he is doing so over the benefit of his other children and also denying those kids a better quality of life when they stay with him unessacarily (spelling) when it seems even with that money the qol at their mums is poor.

To me that just doesn't make any sense.

It doesn't make sense to me either, but I was wondering why Dad has been told he doesn't need to pay when he's in work and Mum isn't. Is that usually the case where shared residency happens, isn't the income of both parents taken into account too?

shegirl

Ok,the mother sounds dreadful if she is treating those kids like that.Even more so that she doesn't the others.

However,your oh needs to step up and do something about it rather than watch and complain!

With regard to 'doesn't have to pay' 'court said so',I'm afraid not quite...

If he stops paying,even for one month,or if the mood just takes her,she can go to the csa.

What percentage of his pay is he giving her?

How often do the kids stay with him overnight?

Gigglepig

No. One should pay at least what is legally required in maintenance. But if you have fallen on hard times it makes sense to only pay the minimum (csa % based on earnings and contact? Sum agreed in a court order? )

Sorry to say this but if your OH already had 2 kids perhaps he should not have had another 2 with you. Kids are expensive and many people would not afford 4.

it sounds like you are going through a really rough patch at the moment so not strange at all that you feel resentful about these payments. I hope things work out for you, with a new job things could get better very quickly hopefullly.

ash28

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

It is not his childrens' fault that you have fallen on hard times, nor that his mother may not spend the money on them. Of course he should pay (or have them live with him in lieu of payment, as someone else has said).
I hope you manage to find a way around your situation.

But he does have them live with them, they have shared care, 50% with one parent and 50% with the other. He doesn't have pay maintenance for them, but he chooses to.

I can't see an issue under a shared care arrangement if he stopped making voluntary payments for a while.

Regarding the school uniform grants the OP's partner's ex receives for the children - I'm guessing they live in Scotland where school uniform grants are still available. We used to live in West Lothian and the grant available for infant/junior children is £94 and for secondary school children it is £110. The school our children went to had a full uniform including tie and blazer from the age of 5.....so kitting out the kids for school wasn't a cheap exercise....when our first one went to school in 1985 his blazer cost £30. It still does have a full uniform. No sweatshirts and polo shirts.

She said the children would go back to school on the 20th of this month....when we lived in Scotland that was about the time the new school year started.

I just wondered, as the OP said her husband earned just over minimum wage if they would be entitled to a uniform grant, as they must be receiving some benefits in the form of child tax credits or working tax credits.

liney

OP, your post is difficult to read without paragraphs and it seems the point that you have joint 50-50 custody is being missed.

The maintenance is voluntary, so if you are in such dire straights then I think you need to speak to your DH about making a reduction, if not a withdrawal of payments for a set period, and then review. Point out that your children are equally important and will be going without basics, to fund a voluntary contribution to the others. Does he really understand the situation?

Is you saying that your husband is concerned that his children's basic needs will not be met if he does not pay? Surely if that is the case this is a child protection issue.

thorsoak

If his children are being so badly looked-after by their mother, have you considered applying for custody of his children? The money that you pay in maintenance would pay for them, you would be able to claim the child benefits etc - and if you cannot get employment you would at least know that you have a constructive useful time bringing up four children!

meg72

Sorry dont understand this,if your husband has shared care, why is he paying at all?

Do you actually have the kids 50% of the time or is he paying instead of having them?

shegirl

liney wrote: »

OP, your post is difficult to read without paragraphs and it seems the point that you have joint 50-50 custody is being missed.

The maintenance is voluntary, so if you are in such dire straights then I think you need to speak to your DH about making a reduction, if not a withdrawal of payments for a set period, and then review. Point out that your children are equally important and will be going without basics, to fund a voluntary contribution to the others. Does he really understand the situation?

Is you saying that your husband is concerned that his children's basic needs will not be met if he does not pay? Surely if that is the case this is a child protection issue.

Bizarrely,even with 'shared care' a pwc (determined by who gets the child related benefits) can go to the csa.A bit daft but there you go!

So I would wonder whether the mother would try it.

If they care is truly shared you should,in an ideal world,have the child benefits and tax credits split between both parents.I would consider discussing finances with the mother.

However,if she truly is as painted,I would be cautious that it may lead to game playing,her trotting off to the csa,possibly being off about them spending time with you.This is one who does seem to see those kids now as a funding exercise!

elsien

If you have the children half the time, and currently have little money, your husband could work out the CSA minimum, pay that over to the ex, then use the rest for living expenses. For all his children while they are with him. So he still pays something which salves his pride and keeps the CSA off his back, whilst leaving you more to keep the wolf from the door.
Does your husband fully understand how bad things are financially, or does he think you are exaggerating? Either his priorities are a little lopsided, (why leave his children there if things are so bad), or there's a bit more to this than we're hearing.