Ever acceptable to not pay for kids?

ViolaLass

I agree with those posters who are asking why your husband is paying anything when the court said he didn't have to and he has half of the custody.

MoaningMyrtle

Regarding the bread/milk and imminent birthday, is there anything you can sell to get some cash or do a car boot sale?

They often have new/nearly new toys in charity shops. If you have a Poundland they sell toys/ books too.

jellyhead

Young children are pleased with the effort to make a birthday special, the present doesn't have to be much. I spent £6.99 on mine at that age and he was delighted

Could the children decorate some ordinary white paper (assuming that you have some lying around, or any blank pages in old school books that they brought home) to use as wrapping paper? Or if you have a printer, maybe design their own wrapping paper on the computer.

Presents could be home-made biscuits, perhaps a ball from Poundland? My 8 year old was given two poundland toys for his birthday off his auntie, and he was happy.

You could make a cake if you can get the ingredients, or just buy a cheap one from tesco, a basic sandwich cake. Have you saved candles from previous cakes? I reuse them.

Maybe a picnic in the park? Just use ordinary sandwiches, like you would at home or for school packed lunches. The idea is exciting, the food doesn't have to be

pinkshoes

For 2 children who he has 50% of the time, the CSA would expect him to pay 10%, and the mother would have to pay 10% of all her benefits (including any tax credits, child benefit etc...).

As he doesn't earn much above minimum wage, these amounts probably cancel each other out, so neither pay each other.

He has a responsibility to FOUR children so needs to stop favouring his oldest two and provide more for the other two.

If he won't stop paying money he doesn't need to, he needs to take on extra work.

jellyhead

MoaningMyrtle wrote: »

Regarding the bread/milk and imminent birthday, is there anything you can sell to get some cash or do a car boot sale?

They often have new/nearly new toys in charity shops. If you have a Poundland they sell toys/ books too.

There are car boot style groups on facebook for my town. People sell all sorts of stuff for a pound or two, and because it's within walking distance people are willing to buy, rather than pay postage costs on ebay.

Maybe you could sell Avon in the short term, although it would be a few weeks before you got any profit back from that.

Also, have you renewed your tax credits claim?

I don't know what to say about the maintenance. I can sort of understand why he still wants to pay, but if he doesn't have to, and his younger children are going short then I can see your point too. Maintenance is a tricky issue, with so many people trying to wriggle out of paying, and maybe your husband wants to make his contribution rather than them being solely supported by benefits.

My stepdad kept paying maintenance, even though there were two children and one of them came to live with him! People suggested that if they're looking after one each that he shouldn't need to pay her, but he wouldn't even consider reducing his maintenance. His ex and her new partner being on benefits was part of the reason - he said that the one living with her mum was his child, and he couldn't allow the taxpayer to solely support her. Partly too, he saw my dad wriggling out of paying any maintenance for us and he wasn't impressed.

I've never had a penny off my 17 year old's father, and in general I feel nothing but scorn for absent parents who pay nothing, but in this situation where there is shared care and the mum is getting all of the child related benefits, it's different. It's him you would need to convince though, and perhaps more of a reduction than stopping it altogether?

Guest101

You have 50 50 shared care (not custody) ? if so, a: apply for full custody, because clearly they arent being looked after and b: you're just paying for those gadgets, you have the kids 50% of the time and therefore need to paay absolutely nothing.

LannieDuck

As above, if you have the kids 50:50 and the court mandated no maintenance, why are you paying anything? You may have created a rod for your own back there.

I would check out the CSA rules. As someone above said, if she goes to them, she may be entitled to X% of your OH's wage, but he would also be entitled to X% of her income. Depending on how much you're paying now, your OH may actually be better off through the CSA!

Mojisola

muchly wrote: »

partner has 2 kids with ex, has court ordered equal parental rights which state no party would be required to pay the other, however he has never missed a payment, giving her a substantial amount every month.

LannieDuck wrote: »

As above, if you have the kids 50:50 and the court mandated no maintenance, why are you paying anything? You may have created a rod for your own back there.

In answer to your thread title "Ever acceptable to not pay for kids?" - yes, of course, if you have a court order saying you have shared care! He is paying for them for all the times he has them.

Like LannieDuck and others have said - why is he paying anything?

shegirl

pinkshoes wrote: »

For 2 children who he has 50% of the time, the CSA would expect him to pay 10%, and the mother would have to pay 10% of all her benefits (including any tax credits, child benefit etc...).

As he doesn't earn much above minimum wage, these amounts probably cancel each other out, so neither pay each other.

He has a responsibility to FOUR children so needs to stop favouring his oldest two and provide more for the other two.

If he won't stop paying money he doesn't need to, he needs to take on extra work.

Um,child benefit cannot be used in a maintenance calculation.A parent solely on benefits has a flat rate of a little over £5 a week,whether tax credits can be used in those circumstances I don't know,they can be when working though.It wouldn't even it out.

The amount the father would pay none of us know,but any tax credits he receives would be taken into the calculation.Then there would be a 1/7th reduction for every 52 nights the kids spend with him,as far as I have read.

As far as I'm aware (and I have searched with the results I state above) that is how it works with 'shared care'.
The father does have responsibility to four children but I'd say he needs to take more responsibility for the first two given how they're allegedly treated!

muchly

Sorry I haven't replied, finally managed to get some sleep last night and have been seeing to the kids this morning. I'll try and answer everyone's questions!

Firstly I do apologise again if my post was hard to read, I'd driven over 1000 miles in the last 2 days to a funeral, and at the moment with the stress I'm living on 2-3 hours sleep a night, safe to say my brain was at it's most competent!

As I said before we had children when we both worked full time, apart from the manageable debt I had from my ex that I was working through. We have been together 10 years, married for 7 so he is definitely over his ex (he despises her). Having children was a considered decision. 6/7 years ago we were in a much better position, we had no idea I would be made redundant, my partner would lose his overtime, and we would lose our childcare (meaning I'm now limited in availability to work).


With regards to the concerns of care, honestly the problems we've had over that could take up a whole thread on their own!!

Their is drug use in their home, their step fathers family are all violent criminals, there is violence between their mum and stepdad, and there is serious neglect (not being washed, not given clean and suitable clothing or shoes, his ex admitting she doesn't have a bond with the children) she even went as far as saying they could live with us full time but only if she could keep the benefits!! We have done everything we can. Firstly we have called social services goodness knows how many times. They call the school who have no concerns as while the children are scruffy they are happy well adjusted children. The health professionals have no concerns as there is no sign of malnutrition or physical abuse. Then social services ARRANGE to visit the home so the kids are prepped and the house is clean and tidy. So they end up saying they have no concerns, and if we continue to make complaints it will just be viewed as malicious!
A couple of months ago we refused to let them return home after an incident. Social Services told us they were not interested, there was nothing stopping their mum from taking them out of school and home with her, but if we didn't put them to school we would be prosecuted! We met with a solicitor and was told we didn't qualify for legal aid but she would due to the benefits she receives. If we went after her legally with no support from authorities it could cost us tens of thousands and we would be unlikely to win. In fact it could go against him and he could lose joint custody!! We have been to NSPCC and pretty much every avenue we can think of, but unfortunately the mum always seems to have higher priority, even though they were removed from her care previously!!

That's why we take them 50/50 with her, so that at least half the week we know they are cared for. It is completely joint custody 3.5 days a week. My husband is old fashioned, he believes he should pay for his children. I also think he is slightly afraid of her, she knows she could refuse us access and we couldn't afford to fight it in court, so he tries not to upset her (of course this causes problems). She uses the children that he adores (honestly my man is the type where his children are his world, all 4 of them, he spends every waking minute either working for them or playing with them!). She uses them as a way for money and bribing us.

He does know how desperate the money situation is, and I know he feels devastated that money is so tight. He's given me £20 today Im going to head over to poundland. Luckily our youngest is happiest when drawing or doing a puzzle so I'll get him a couple of bits like that.

I think he feels caught in the middle. He fears upsetting her incase she does stop access and tells us to go to court for them, but he wants to be able to provide for us. Selling the car means he will be walking 7 miles to work at 5am and 7 miles back (he works in the middle of no where with no public transport and work colleagues all coming from other end of town), and we have sold literally everything else we possibly can. I don't want to take out other debts, we are struggling to pay for essentials just now!

We are not currently receiving tax credits, we have an overpayment (not of our fault) we have an appeal in but at the moment we get nothing as it is more than our entitlement.

Hubby earns £21k a year, we get child benefit for our two, have applied for housing/ctax benefit but we get nothing.

And of course I feel guilty because I am not bringing anything into the home. I have never been out of work this long, I've worked since I was 14, always been independent.

I'm still not sure if asking him not to pay his ex one month was unreasonable :-( money is causing so many arguments.

It doesn't help that I had to turn down a job as I would have no childcare (I went for part time during school times, they offered me mon-friday 9-6 and I have no childcare between 3-6pm)

I had really set my hopes on a job as a call handler with NHS 24, but its been 2 1/2 weeks since my interview and no word so I can assume I didn't get that one! I didn't even get through to an interview for a local supermarket!!

Arrrrggggghhhhhhh hello rock, hello hard place, i'll sit here in the middle :-(