Am i getting enough?????

lostinrates

justme111 wrote: »

I believe it is all politcorrect rubbish about "whatever suits you is fine ". I never seen and can not imagine a happy couple who would have.it twice a year. Something is wrong if it is less than once a week. Because if it is it means either one of them.or both don't fancy each other any more. We have.only one life and.living it with person who dies not fancy you/ you don't fancy is a waste.

I do genuinely believe some people are less sexual than others.

At other times stresses mean appetites are less. Or other impacts. E.g. Some of my medications have really impacted on my libido a lot. It doesn't mean I am not attracted to my husband at all, far from it, just that I have no sexual appetite at such times. As someone with quite a high sex drive I find such times quite stressful as I feel unlike myself. Which has even more of an impact.

So e of my friends and I are by our natures and interests particularly open about sex and there are lot of people who enjoy sex but just don't want it every single day or second day. Just like others like cake or chocolate but in moderation I suppose.

justme111

lostinrates wrote: »

I do genuinely believe some people are less sexual than others.

At other times stresses mean appetites are less. Or other impacts. E.g. Some of my medications have really impacted on my libido a lot. It doesn't mean I am not attracted to my husband at all, far from it, just that I have no sexual appetite at such times. As someone with quite a high sex drive I find such times quite stressful as I feel unlike myself. Which has even more of an impact.

So e of my friends and I are by our natures and interests particularly open about sex and there are lot of people who enjoy sex but just don't want it every single day or second day. Just like others like cake or chocolate but in moderation I suppose.

Very much agree. If it happens every day or second day variety will be difficult to keep up and quality would probably suffer too , in our society we plainly do not have time /mood every day for doing it properly. it would become like a toothbrushing , routine. - the only thing I hate more than no sex . I do not talk about particularly stressful times or medication , I do feel for you re medication , it would have.got me down as well , hope you do manage to substitute it somewhat. Sex is not cake , it is far healthier , compare it with fruit

justme111

Ok ok once a fortnight:beer:

ilovelondontown

justme111 wrote: »

I believe it is all politcorrect rubbish about "whatever suits you is fine ". I never seen and can not imagine a happy couple who would have.it twice a year. Something is wrong if it is less than once a week. Because if it is it means either one of them.or both don't fancy each other any more. We have.only one life and.living it with person who dies not fancy you/ you don't fancy is a waste.

I'm not ashamed to say that my average is "below-this-mystery-average" someone's plucked from a 70's sex manual...

I adore my husband and find him SO sexy and I know he does me, and we are always kissing and hugging and tell each other "I love you." Even after 5 years together I get giddy and excited when I know I'm going to see him. Just because we're not at it like rabbits it doesn't mean our relationship is a waste :rotfl:

In a world where you can have sex with someone you do not love/fancy, does it not stand to reason that you can love/fancy someone you do not have sex with?

lostinrates

justme111 wrote: »

Very much agree. If it happens every day or second day variety will be difficult to keep up and quality would probably suffer too , in our society we plainly do not have time /mood every day for doing it properly. it would become like a toothbrushing , routine. - the only thing I hate more than no sex . I do not talk about particularly stressful times or medication , I do feel for you re medication , it would have.got me down as well , hope you do manage to substitute it somewhat. Sex is not cake , it is far healthier , compare it with fruit

I think every day is fine too, btw.....if that's what suits. If DH and I lived together we'd probably have it in a different pattern to how we tend to. We enjoy sex (well, most people do) and keeping it fresh is not so much a chore as a hobby and variety is not too much of an issue for us. Like most people time often is.

I changed meds again five weeks ago and have to admit to a certain degree to working through a lowering in libido which doesn't sound very sexy I know, but I have found its a bit 'use it or lose it' with libido and the less you get the less you want for a while. .

Edit...

The post about women not wanting is as much or what ever earlier on made men chuckle. I have had a higher sex drive than most of my partners and my female friends who complain of issues say its their chaps not them. I think the main difference is its more acceptable for women to explain the issues.....stress, tiredness, juggling are all things its accepted impact on us whereas their seems a culture of 'unmanliness' over these things which also impact on men.

While I do note you didn't mention times of high stress, they are often recurring themes for many, and for some nearly constant ways of life that can impact significantly.

justme111

ilovelondontown wrote: »

In a world where you can have sex with someone you do not love/fancy, does it not stand to reason that you can love/fancy someone you do not have sex with?

Oh absolutely. It does not mean that either of those options is optimal /desirable /sustainable long term.

ilovelondontown

justme111 wrote: »

Oh absolutely. It does not mean that either of those options is optimal /desirable /sustainable long term.

But surely if both parties are happy with the intimate and private arrangement they have in their sex lives then it is entirely optimal and sustainable?

justme111

ilovelondontown wrote: »

But surely if both parties are happy with the intimate and private arrangement they have in their sex lives then it is entirely optimal and sustainable?

Haha how many times one thinks on is happy with it but then later on realises one was not ...I seen cases when people are adamant they are happy just because they can not face the truth and a few years down the line in a divorce procedures they bring up something they said they were "happy " about at the time.or their partner does it. Some people are happy living in a completely sexless marriage having affairs on.a side , does not mean it is the optimal thing to do.

justme111

Lostinrates , when I mentioned the caveat of stress I thought about people who live in a constant state of it. Yes I would say they don't fancy their partner , if anything for the reason that they are consumed by some other issue. Still don't fancy. Still not right.

justme111

Society frowns upon people who have something they are unhappy bout but do nothing to change. As it is difficult to change - whatever , job , partner , lifestyle we feel pressured in defending what we have by insisting we are happy because adlitting.otherwise would put us under pressure to change and change is painful and feared.