Terminal illness....Save or Spend?

ValHaller

lushmush wrote: »

Thank you everyone!!

Very excellent answers from you all :-)

Financially I have nothing.....I don't own a house, a car, nothing.
All I have is whats in my home.
I don't have an insurance policy unfortunately. Its something I was always going to do and never got round to.
Neither do I have a Will as of yet as I am trying to think of the right thing to happen to the boys. I want them to stay together but I don't know if it will be possible.

I am really excited to start my memory boxes. Its a brill idea with the perfume, I am going to wear some everyday to instill the smell-memory!

The boys don't know what is happening to me. I feel they won't understand and I don't want them to be scared of the future.

Like any parent I just wish for happiness for them, I wish I could win the lottery so we could have the best time ever :-)

xx

You have your time now and however much or little you have, please don't fret about what wealth you don't have or the things you cannot do.

If you had the money, you could go to Alton Towers every day for a month and you wouldn't have to think. But your boys would be saying years after 'Remember that time we went to Alton Towers every day for a month - I was fed up 2 hours into the second day'.

Doing your best with what you have will mean so much more.

Ruby_woo

Oh my darling

Well you're so brave, i dont know what to say apart from your children are lucky to have a mummy as brave as you. How do you do it?

Memory boxes are just wonderful, im all for having special items that will take you back to a certain time or place. How about having a teddy made for each child by using a special item of your clothing? Maybe a nightie, dressing gown, jumper etc and then it is made into a wonderful teddy. I cant do links but i know a lovely lady on here who does so will pm her and ask her to help me.

Perfume idea is wonderful. Writing down information very important.

Do you have close family?

Oh and i would maybe save a little bit back for the children and then spend the rest. I can't say anymore really:(

xxxx

bossymoo

Hi

Ruby Woo pointed me towards your thread. My heart aches for you and your boys.
I lost my DH to cancer 20 months ago. Our 2 kiddies were both under 3 at the time. I'm very afraid they won't remember him, and so I've had a photo book made up for each of them, pics of themselves with daddy, or all of us together, with little captions explaining when / where the pic is from. I did mine through snapfish.

You could also do scrapbooking. Your children are old enough to help. Maybe collect a postcard on each outing, stick in a scrapbook with some photos and little story about the trip? I did "retrospective" scrapbooks, as we didn't really have enough time - it was an aggressive cancer and all happened quite quickly.

We have made (with help from MIL) each child a patchwork quilt. Some of the squares are cut from daddy's clothes, and the edging is denim from his jeans. We decorate one square each year (eg this year DS will put his swimming badge on).

And I had some bears made out of two of his sweaters by this lady. Each child has a framed photo of themselves with daddy wearing a sweater, and the bear made from that sweater - so they can see it was real, he was real. The lady also had enough material left to make the mini bear for me, bless her!

Mostly, they love the photos. My youngest, who will be 3 in September, doesn't really remember (she was 14mths) but she loves her photo book, and her bear.

I redid my will shortly after, covering guardianship for the children, and it has really given me peace of mind.

Person_one

lushmush wrote: »

Hi all

I totally get this is a money saving site and I am frequently on here having a browse :-)

However I just wondered if anyone could give me any opinions......

Well, where do I start....
I am a 27 year old single mammy of 2 boys aged 10 and 5. In December 2011 I was making tea one night and was feeling tired. I put my head on the sofa for a minute and when I lifted it up my face had all dropped to the side, I had had a stroke. To cut a long story short I got diagnosed with congenital heart problems and had open heart surgery. However because I had had these problems for so long I have ended up with a terminal illness (bloody GP's and their 'anxiety' excuse for everything).

I was back in hospital last week and I have had a bit of a set back - the open heart surgery was unsuccessful. Its probably the first time I have thought about dying before the boys grow up and its really concerned me.

I haven't got a great deal of money and I want to use it wisely...
On one hand I would like to save to leave the boys some money for when I aren't here anymore. On the other hand I am thinking that memories are more important than a few quid I have managed to scrimp and save.

I suppose what I am asking is what you would do if you were in my position? Save or Spend :-)


Thank you to everyone that reads xx

So sorry to hear your bad news.

I have to ask though, have you ever had a second opinion? I can understand that you might want to be vague about your exact condition/diagnosis on a public forum, but are you confident that this is all correct and that you've had the best treatment/options available to you?

Sneezy

Memories are far more important when someone you love has gone & what you do doesn't have to be expensive to be fun-filled so you could still leave them a little money

How about including something like this in their memory boxes? It'll take a while to complete but they'll have all the information in one place and it'll be lovely to look through.

Rev

I'm so sorry for the situation you're in. I can't imagine how you feel.

I'm an adult. I lost my mum in December. I wish with all my heart we'd not given a toss about cash and made memories. Taken photos and enjoyed time together. I'd been her carer since I was a child so money was very tight. And as stupid as it is if I had the time over I'd max out every credit card I could to make memories with her (I know you're not talking about getting into debt).

Basically, I'm saying money can be earned. Memories can't.

whitewing

I haven't read all the posts yet, but just wanted to say make sure you record your voice for them.

My grandparents had lovely accents and manys the time after they died that I wish we had just recorded some of their conversations and trips down memory lane.

You could record yourself (and the children) telling them why you choose the names you did for them, and where they get their little quirks etc from.

DKLS

whitewing wrote: »

I haven't read all the posts yet, but just wanted to say make sure you record your voice for them.

My grandparents had lovely accents and manys the time after they died that I wish we had just recorded some of their conversations and trips down memory lane.

You could record yourself (and the children) telling them why you choose the names you did for them, and where they get their little quirks etc from.

This is a good idea, when I volunteered at a Hospice, I used to produce a number of videos messages, designed to be viewed at various stages of the childrens life.

For me it was a big eye opener, and I was never ceased to be amazed by the people in the hospice I laughed a lot, and cried a lot, I still recall certain moments when I feel like moaning about a gas bill or something similar.

lushmush

Hello all you lovely wonderful people :-)

I am absolutely overwhelmed by the amount of responses I have had and you are all being so helpful. I am actually getting quite teary about them all!
The ideas you have given me are absolutely fantastic, I would love to know more about the teddy bears getting made.... (no idea how to do quotes lol)
Oh and the lovely poster who has a friend who said she could help me with a will...would you mind if I pm'd you?

What do you all think of a blog that I have written to the boys? Then I could upload photos straight away and write little memories then and there. Does anyone know if those things are around forever? Or do they get taken offline if you don't bother with them after a while? I did start one but for these reasons I am a bit wary of upkeeping it for it just to disappear.

I feel really self-absorbed doing these things that are centred around me, if you know what I mean.

I am carefully noting all these excellent ideas down and I am really looking forward to finding a special box each to pop them all in.

xx

thorsoak

I wondered if this website might be of help with ideas for you :- http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/11/05/3083133/a-mothers-legacy.html