Terminal illness....Save or Spend?

lushmush

Hi all

I totally get this is a money saving site and I am frequently on here having a browse :-)

However I just wondered if anyone could give me any opinions......

Well, where do I start....
I am a 27 year old single mammy of 2 boys aged 10 and 5. In December 2011 I was making tea one night and was feeling tired. I put my head on the sofa for a minute and when I lifted it up my face had all dropped to the side, I had had a stroke. To cut a long story short I got diagnosed with congenital heart problems and had open heart surgery. However because I had had these problems for so long I have ended up with a terminal illness (bloody GP's and their 'anxiety' excuse for everything).

I was back in hospital last week and I have had a bit of a set back - the open heart surgery was unsuccessful. Its probably the first time I have thought about dying before the boys grow up and its really concerned me.

I haven't got a great deal of money and I want to use it wisely...
On one hand I would like to save to leave the boys some money for when I aren't here anymore. On the other hand I am thinking that memories are more important than a few quid I have managed to scrimp and save.

I suppose what I am asking is what you would do if you were in my position? Save or Spend :-)


Thank you to everyone that reads xx

whitewing

So sorry for you and your boys.

Make memories and have enough of a cushion that you can spend what you need to when you need to ie don't blow it all on holidays if there may be practical things that you will need it for later on.

Courgette

Oh my goodness. I'm so very sorry to hear this.

my own personal instinctive reaction is that it depends on what sort of money you're talking about. If it's enough to set them up as adults, eg house deposit or similar I might go that way. If on the other hand it's much less than this I think I'd be thinking about having some wonderful experiences that they will always remember.

Sorry, that's not much use is it. I'm completely winded by your post

Lagoon

Courgette wrote: »

Oh my goodness. I'm so very sorry to hear this.

my own personal instinctive reaction is that it depends on what sort of money you're talking about. If it's enough to set them up as adults, eg house deposit or similar I might go that way. If on the other hand it's much less than this I think I'd be thinking about having some wonderful experiences that they will always remember.

Sorry, that's not much use is it. I'm completely winded by your post

I would agree with this.

The fact is (and it's going to sound wrong however you say it), life will go on without you. People will look out for your sons, and they will be okay.

Many people with two living parents don't have any money given to them at any point, and they get by.

Your sons will have what they physically need provided. Your loved ones will ensure that happens. The only thing that they'll really miss out on is you.

Give them memories, let them remember the happy times and the bond you share, because that's what will matter when you're no longer around. Nothing can replace that.

wantnomoneyworries

Sorry for you and your boys - I would spend what I could get away with! But also know that making memories doesn't need to cost a lot of money Happy times can be simple pleasures too.
Good luck to you xx

peachyprice

Memories of wonderful times spent with their mum, without a shadow of a doubt. As long their immediate needs are taken care of spoil them rotten for as long as you are able.

I don't know how much money you're talking, but by the sounds of it it's not a life changing amount. Spend it now while you can enjoy it together, don't leave them wondering when they grow up why making sure Auntie Jean had enough money for new school uniforms once you were gone was more important than giving them good times with you to remember.

sukysue

Spend it now and make lots of happy memories for you and your dc. We none of us know how long we have left and when something like this comes along it is a huge reminder to ppl that life is not forever and we don't know what will happen to us in the future. I wish you many many happy years left with your dc make the most of what time you have left and enjoy yourselves. Good Luck!

lushmush

Thank you all for your replies,

No the money I have is certainly not life changing, it is enough to get by and have a few holidays here and there.

With the time I have left I would probably be able to save them a few thousand each but it would have meant a lot of days sat in our (rented) house having no spend days lol.

I am really glad that you have gone for the memories option, it makes me feel a lot better about spending money on the here and now

xx

thorsoak

{{hugs}} - how hard for you, to know that you won't be there for them as they grow up. I'm of the opinion that you build memories for them - whether they're simple ones, like camping under the kitchen table, or mega holidays - it doesn't matter - just build them. Make them memory boxes and don't worry too much about the money.

Might I ask if it is possible to make contact with their father(s)? So that t(he)y could become part of their lives? Or is that a definite no-no? You don't need to add excessive strife to your life now.

lushmush

Oh I forgot to say, please don't be sorry about the situation I am in. What will be will be. I am glad in a way it has happened to me because I feel I can cope with it a little better than some, if that makes sense.

I am a little stuck on some memory box ideas too. I want to start it straight away so there is definitely something there for them, I seem to have the most grand ideas and then think it is a bit much and I'm going over the top.

xx

iammumtoone

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I lost my mum when I was young and at no point in my life have I ever thought sad that she did not leave me any money (until reading your post, money never even occurred to me). What I do have are memories and from someone who knows no amount of money would buy that.

sending hugs.