Terminal illness....Save or Spend?

alwaysonthego_2

It is good that you are feeling positive. It might be possible for you to apply for a grant from http://www.cashforkids.uk.com/ which might help ease things for you x

Sky_

I'm so sorry to read of your situation, it is truly heart-wrenching.

Some practical ideas for the memory box: your 'story' will mean a lot to them: maybe write a brief biography of your life, what you like and what your interests are (favourite flowers, colours, foods, books, music, any quirks you have, hobbies and so on).

The other thing that often means a lot is how you feel about each of them, how you felt when they were born, what they were like as babies, what we did for their Christmases and birthdays, what they were like as babies and small children, their quirks, likes and dislikes. Basically all those memories that people reminisce about with their children as they become older.

Photos also mean a lot, maybe laminate some of them if possible or make photo CDs for them, so damaged pictures can be printed off again.

Good luck, I hope your heart stays strong for many years to come.

Spirit_2

I am sorry to hear of your situation and hope that you stay as well as you can for as long as you can.

My thoughts are that you make the best of every day you have. This may not be doing wildly extravagent things but enjoying everyday life and creating a shared history for your children of their time with you, from simple story time, baking cakes/planting plants to holidays and outings.

A nest egg of memories of what you all shared will do more to prepare them for life than any savings fund.

Spirit x

Tiddlywinks

lushmush wrote: »

That bit also concerns me. I don't want to upset their Dads in anyway but if they go separately they will probably never see each other again :-/

xx

Everyone has given really fantastic suggestions for memory boxes etc...

On a more practical note, I think you should use some funds to get legal advice about where your boys will live in the future and trying to secure their contact with each other.

Also, is there any way to bond the two dads so that they will encourage the boys to have a continuing relationship?

If the boys lose you they will be devastated... To then lose their brother would just add to the pain.... I just wonder if this is something you could work on that will make a real difference to the rest of their lives.

lika_86

http://www.fromyoutome.com/personalised/name.html.php?type=Son

How about these books for something to pass on? They give questions for you to answer.

Triker

Hi, we'll done for grabbing back some control in your situation. X

Some suggestions for your memory box...

A particular recipe that 'only Mum makes', or more if you have a few, write a Mums recipe book, with detailed instructions.

A message to your children from a video recording.

Maybe pick out some stars in the night sky and remind your boys that you'll always be looking down on them and to look for those particular stars.

Regarding the money, I think spend wisely but have some left to be left if that makes sense.
Are you insured? Don't for get to get all paperwork ready for whomever will be sorting stuff out.

I think if you have a terminal illness there are certain benefits that you are entitled too.

Perhaps give these a ring

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/HowWeCanHelp/FinancialSupport/BenefitsMadeClear.aspx

74jax

I am so very sorry for your situation.

I would say spend. BUT keeping some back to help your boys. Do you have insurance on your house so when the time comes your boys will be looked after financially?

My mum and dad saved, and saved..... And saved.

Mum had a very bad stroke affecting both side two years into their retirement. Dad now has months to live with various forms of cancer. They planned for cruises, weekends away, the money in the bank is worthless. They won't spend it now...... In case....

My brother and I wish rather than an inheritance they have 'lived' there lives, I have no memories of days out, meals at a seaside cafe, days at the fanfare etc.

I would possibly have a daydreaming session with your boys, a what would you love to do type thing - it may just be the park and a picnic or see their football team, or something bigger which you then can decide from.

Good luck.

Rummer

lushmush wrote: »

Oh I forgot to say, please don't be sorry about the situation I am in. What will be will be. I am glad in a way it has happened to me because I feel I can cope with it a little better than some, if that makes sense.

I am a little stuck on some memory box ideas too. I want to start it straight away so there is definitely something there for them, I seem to have the most grand ideas and then think it is a bit much and I'm going over the top.

xx

It sounds as if you are taking as much control of the situation as you can and I am sure you are providing great support to your children.

In relation to the money I would ensure that all of your financial affairs are in order and then just put a small amount away for your boys and use the rest to create lovely memories.

There are lists of suggestions for memory boxes including cards, gifts, letters and dvd clips for key life events and birthdays. However I know that I would like to know all about my mum and there are many questions that your children will have in the future. The From me to you books are great as a place to start but I would want to know the little things like fav film, colour, things to do etc

Take care of yourself and your boys.

burnoutbabe

I'd go through my old photo albumns, showing me from child to teen to now and add notes about who people were, where it was etc.

I'd also spend the money on the legals needed to keep the boys together and dealing with their dads to ensure they can agree to some friendship, compromise.

tia86

Sorry to hear about your situation.
Like others have said enjoy spending time with your children. Focus on making some good memories they can look back on, days out don't have to be expensive - picnics, beach trips.

For the memory box I heard a good idea mentioned on radio 2 the other week - have a message jar and ask friends/relatives to each write a memory of you e.g. funny stories, favourite times they have had with you. This will then help your children know a bit more about you and give them something to open when feeling down.

Keep strong