Giving up my child

ognum

Cantdothisanymore wrote: »

Hi everyone

I just wanted to update and say thank you for all the messages. Today has been a better day. As backward as it sounds, I have put LO in a nappy to save my sanity for accidents.

I called my GP surgery and have an appt on Friday morning and tomorrow there is a drop in clinic (like a weigh and stay thing) with the local HV team so I am going to pop up there as well and try to get a private chat with someone.

Someone mentioned 'hitting a wall' and that has hit the nail on the head. I Am exhausted from it all. I will have a word with my ex on Friday about having/helping more but I can foresee the answer already. Because of his work he just isnt available and even though I feel I could almost 'threaten' him with the option that LO may have to go elsewhere so I can have some respite, I really dont think it will make a blond bit of difference.

My teen does help as much as she can. It will all work out and I am thankful for the good advice I received last night/today to help me make sense of it all.

Well done for seeking the help you need, it's not always easy to ask for help. Sometimes just the admitting to yourself you need help is a step forward.

My only other worry apart from you OP is that somehow there needs to be an understanding of how your little one feels, why she is being as she is at the moment and how your need for space will reflect on her in the future and now.

I can't help feeling that it is very important for you to ask for and get help in your home with your children rather than your little one being taken into care. Good luck I really hope you get the help you need.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You could get larger size sleepsuits/babygros - it might slow her down long enough to not bother with her 'fingerpainting'. I know she's older, but she may have seen a kid at the nursery getting lots of attention as a result of doing something similar.

But definitely, it sounds more that you are depressed (and MS could well be a significant factor in that - are you under regular review with the Neuros? - the clinic can often have a Nurse Specialist who can help you access more assistance) than anything else. And making such monumental decisions when you are unwell is a recipe for disaster, particularly if you are struggling with behaviour that's at least partially influenced by how you are able to respond to her needs.

She's not in danger from you, not from abuse or from neglect and, to me, that is the only reason why a child should be placed into the care system. It's a place of last resort. You're doing your best, but it's that you are finding it hard, not that you are likely to harm her.


I really have limited tolerance for babies and tots. I'd rather have a puppy or a kitten. Toddlers can be absolutely vile little creatures, but soon enough, they turn into preschoolers and then small children, who are so much nicer to be around, because they are developed enough to have proper conversations and basically, give something back into the relationship.


Get help. Don't make decisions that you could regret forever and could irrevocably damage her psychological health (the 'I was sent away because Mummy didn't love me/I was bad' scenario so many adults still carry with them decades later) and that of your eldest when, in all likelihood, some more help and a little time will mean that you are able to cope well again.

Savvy_Sue

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I really have limited tolerance for babies and tots. I'd rather have a puppy or a kitten. Toddlers can be absolutely vile little creatures, but soon enough, they turn into preschoolers and then small children, who are so much nicer to be around, because they are developed enough to have proper conversations and basically, give something back into the relationship.

I don't 100% agree with that, I quite like babies and think the rot sets in once they start solid foods .... but I know where you are coming from! I wondered with the first two if I'd like a two year old better if I didn't have a baby at the same time ... and then found out that no, I actually don't much like two year olds.

OP, you're doing the best you can under difficult circumstances. Ask for help, don't be embarrassed to do so. It doesn't mean you're a bad mother!

Morganarla

Disclaimer: No kids here!

But - I read somewhere online - when littlies do this, put them in a babygro BACKWARDS, so they literally cannot get to the nappy to do this. Preferably one with a zip rather than poppers.

I know this doesn't sort out the root of the issues, but at least it will stop it happening (hopefully..)

Best of luck OP, hope you and your daughter feel better soon x

Cate1976

The heat could well be part of the problem, wet/dirty nappy against skin in this heat is going to be uncomfortable, you can't watch over them 24/7, there's housework to be done. You could try saying to her when you do a poo/stinky/no 2 come and tell me, if she goes to you and points or pulls at the nappy, reward her for telling you even it's only verbal praise.

Glad you've got an appointment with your gp and have found a drop in session with the HV team. Good thing about the thing HV's are at is that you'll be able to talk to other Mums, some of whom may well be having the same problem with poo smearing as you.

If you have Surestart in your area, get registered with them. Our local one is fantastic, earlier this year they put on a Nurture Course done over 10 weeks and creche provided for the kids. It gets parents to think about reasons for the kids behaviour, how they are feeling and how you felt about situations. My husband & I did it and found it so useful especially for handling discipline especially for the one who has Global Developmental Delay. The course covers loads of things and parents can ask for specific issues to be covered.

rozmister

I don't have any children but I do have a 2.5 year old niece and she to redecorated her room with her business a few months ago! I know its rank but a few of my friend's kids have done it too so I think its quite common in LOs.

I'd be very careful putting your child into voluntary care, I've known two mums who've done that and then struggled to get their children back so I'd be very cautious. Try to take these 10 days to recover and see the GP and such to try and get support. Take some time for yourself and I hope things get better.

elisamoose

From my experience as a professional involved with Childrens services it is highly unlikely that they would accommodate the child or children unless Mum was either sectioned or a voluntary in patient or was seen as a significant risk to them.Even in these cases a family member would be sought to look after them in the short term whilst a support package was put in.
In my area a case like this would not meet the threshold for involvement and it would be sent back to universal services , such as the health visitor, to provide services or to do a CAF ( common assessment framework) to pull in other services such as high level family support.
The best thing for OP to do is to seek help from her GP,Health visitor or children's centre.Be honest with them so that they can offer the right support. Good luck

Cate1976

Might be worth you going for a CAF, we've had one in place since October last year. It involves everyone who is involved with the family getting together every 6-8 weeks. As situations come along, ways are found of dealing with them, it avoids the risk of conflicting advice from different professionals. It helps in our area that the local Children's Centre (Surestart) works closely with local midwifery team & health visitors. The centre also works very closely with the infant & nursery school it's attached to, literally.