Giving up my child

Blackpool_Saver

just wanted to send hugs and support, I REALLY do know how you feel.

I am also so delighted that all comments have been supportive, I hope we don't get any smart Alecs on this thread

dizziblonde

Just a thought - did she actually smear or did her nappy leak? I've had the wall and furniture repainting scenario earlier last week with my 15 month old (but blooming heck she started the terrible twos early) - she had a bit of a tummy bug (confirmed when she gave it to me) and things were squirtier and flew out of every leg and body hole in the nappy.

I'll admit for a second in the morning when I saw the state of things I thought she'd done it herself.

kezzygirl

Hi Cantdothisanymore, I am sorry to hear you are going through this. It is obvious you are perhaps not in a good place at the moment,but I would think VERY carefully before getting child services involved.

How do you think you would feel when you start to feel better and find that you cannot have her back?Or in a years' time,do you think you will feel the same about her?

Good suggestion going to gp, they may be able to prescribe you something to help your mood.

*Do you attend ms support groups?
*Could you contact homestart? they are a great organisation to help people who are struggling.
*Do you take time for yourself? what are your hobbies?
*Your health visitor may be able to advise regarding the night time situation

I hope you feel better today x

Brewstersmum

Hi just wanted to offer hugs. As a mum of 3 I know how you feel. Last year when my youngest was nearly 3 I was feeling depressed and worthless, thought I was an awful mum, cried all the time, shouted at the kids for the slightest things. I am a single mum but I share my kids care with their dad (im lucky in that respect that he wants to be a hands on full time dad) we both have them for half the week.

a few months on anti depressants, a bit of counselling and my eldest sons support (he was 14) helped me through.

Love and hugs xx

emweaver

Cantdothisanymore wrote: »

I know. I feel terrible guilt and when I snapped earlier I told the older one I hated the younger one and didn't want her here. Im not proud of it and it was the lightbulb moment I needed to really think about what my options are to rectify the situation.

As suggested by some, ill give my GP a call and see if I can talk to her and see what she can suggest. I just know I cant go on like this for all our sakes.

You really need to tell her father how you feel so he can help.

Maybe she is picking up on how you feel about her and this is why shes acting like this.

I am going through terrible twos myself, never experienced a toddler like mine before it is hard work and sometimes has me in tears but I would never dream of giving her away.

Galaxy1987

The best thing to do is see your GP for yourself as nothing else will work until your mood is lifted and you feel better. Spend the time she is away doing things that you used to do before she came along.

After this arrange to see the HV about services or techniques that will help to overcome this. They might try to pap you off with the terrible 2's but stay firm and ask for support. With regards to social services, they are there to help keep children at home and to provide the resources to do so. They will only take kids into care for major or protection issues.

The main thing is, is to use all resources available to you even if you dont think it will work.

NEVER agree to care orders voluntary or compulsory until you see a legal expert, these things have a habit of turning sour.

julie2710

Didn't want to read and run. Not sure I have any decent advice to give to you but I can completely understand where you are right now. You sound to me like on of life's copers. You have two children and until recently were working and looking after home and everything else on your own apart from the time that your ex has them. It's tough! I know I have two boys and work full time. I "cope" like you have been.

Every now and then though I hit the wall. Things start to go wrong, get too much, there may be something that triggers it or it may just be a snowball effect. The boys behaviour deteriorates and I react badly to it as I'm struggling, I know if I'm in a better place I cope with it better. Before I know it I'm wishing I never had children and thinking about how much easier life could be. Then I wait until they're asleep, I go into their room and look at their faces and listening to them breathing and know that life would be so much worse without them in it.

Do you have any friends? I know you are having a break now while your youngest is at her dads but what about a regular night out? Do you know a friend with a teenager who would babysit for a few £ to allow you to go out for an evening? Even if its just for a couple of hours? Just taking a little tiny bit of me time on a regular basis makes all the difference. It took me a long time to realise that. I'm also rubbish at asking for help and accepting it because I'm so used to doing it on my own but sometimes you just have to and no one judges you for it.

Take the 10 days you have to do whatever you feel like doing. I bet you'll be missing her after a few days. She will turn a corner, you sound like a lovely mum but like so many of us you put yourself down. None of us can ever do the right thing all the time, all we can do is the best that we can and our kids will love us for just that.

Sorry if I've just waffled for a while but I hope the break will give you the respite that you deserve and you'll understand that you're not alone and there will always be good times along with the bad.

red_devil

paulineb wrote: »

I feel very very sorry that you are in such an upset state of mind, but I also feel that your kid is 2 years of age?

How can she know shes causing you this much upset? She cant

And what do you think your elder daughters reaction would be if you said you were putting the wee one into care?

It might not help the relationship with your eldest, it might make it worse, they are siblings and they would I expect miss one another terribly.

can the older sibling help out sometimes?

Cantdothisanymore

Hi everyone

I just wanted to update and say thank you for all the messages. Today has been a better day. As backward as it sounds, I have put LO in a nappy to save my sanity for accidents.

I called my GP surgery and have an appt on Friday morning and tomorrow there is a drop in clinic (like a weigh and stay thing) with the local HV team so I am going to pop up there as well and try to get a private chat with someone.

Someone mentioned 'hitting a wall' and that has hit the nail on the head. I Am exhausted from it all. I will have a word with my ex on Friday about having/helping more but I can foresee the answer already. Because of his work he just isnt available and even though I feel I could almost 'threaten' him with the option that LO may have to go elsewhere so I can have some respite, I really dont think it will make a blond bit of difference.

My teen does help as much as she can. It will all work out and I am thankful for the good advice I received last night/today to help me make sense of it all.

alwaysonthego_2

I work with families who have hit rock bottom and are struggling to cope with their children's behaviour. I would urge you to reconsider a 'Section 20, voluntary care' as it can be difficult to get your child back out of care. Children usually smear poo etc when they are suffering emotionally and do not do it out of spite. There are many resources you can use such as behavioural charts etc, but I think you would benefit from a support worker, it may be worth contacting your local Children's centre and asking if they can offer this and if not can they refer you to another organisation. Children do not come with manuals and you sound like you are doing good in difficult circumstances, things will look up once you have the appropriate support in place. Lots of hugs xx