Giving up my child

squirrelchops

As others have said I would approach the health visiting team and your local children's centre for support first.

Should social services be approached their first question will be 'who else in the family can look after her' and would exhaust every possibility before placing her in care. At the end of the day her father would be expected to step up to the plate - work or not.

It is very courageous saying you cannot cope - but remember you are not alone in feeling as you do.

meritaten

I know I have said I don't have much liking or confidence in Health Visitors - but, have you spoken to yours? This is very much in their field of expertise.
If you have a good HV then she can refer you other agencies for help - you may just need a brief period of respite care or perhaps a 'befriender' who can come in and support and help you?
I know how you feel - my third child was a total nightmare (he is currently being assessed for adult ADHD - its only taken 27 years!).
You need help and you need it NOW!
first port of call is the HV, if no joy then your GP.
I wish I could help you hun - I really do know what it like to have a child like this.

cte1111

Another possible avenue for some support:
http://www.home-start.org.uk/findsupport/search

Homestart can provide volunteers to help provide support to families with young children. Definitely worth giving them a call, as I think they try to prioritise families with health problems when they can.

minimoneysaver

From an outsiders point of view...have you thought about applying for a job? If you work your 16 hours, or so then you will get child tax credits etc which will help you to pay for childcare. Working gives you and your baby a break from each other, but it can also give you a sense of purpose and get you out into the adult world.
Good luck, what ever you decide to do. x

jellyhead

I'm no expert but I think you sound a bit depressed, like I was when my eldest was 2.

He's older now and there are no problems in my life, but I've recently been prescribed something for my moods. It's not menopause, but I've turned into a bit of a cow, with crazy moodswings. After 2 months of being on the pills I reckon that around 75% of the moodiness is gone, and I feel like me again.

It can happen to anyone and there doesn't have to be a particular 'reason' although being single mum of a 2 year old is reason enough, I think.

Go and talk to your doctor and see if they recommend treatment or perhaps counselling. See how you feel after you've had a break.

I volunteer at the sure start centre now, and there are support workers there who help families who are overwhelmed for one reason or another. You might already be getting all the nursery help that's available, but they could still help with advice or just a friendly ear. They help ordinary families, not just people with problems like addiction. Anyone can need support and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I hope you feel better soon xx

Cantdothisanymore

cte1111 wrote: »

Another possible avenue for some support:


Homestart can provide volunteers to help provide support to families with young children. Definitely worth giving them a call, as I think they try to prioritise families with health problems when they can.

Thank you for the link. Sadly they are not available in my area.

Cantdothisanymore

minimoneysaver wrote: »

From an outsiders point of view...have you thought about applying for a job? If you work your 16 hours, or so then you will get child tax credits etc which will help you to pay for childcare. Working gives you and your baby a break from each other, but it can also give you a sense of purpose and get you out into the adult world.
Good luck, what ever you decide to do. x

It has crossed my mind but I have also applied to do a full time diploma from September (been accepted) which is 2 years. Until last year I worked full time from 16 (now mid thirties) when redundancy and I sadly met.

fbh

Hi Op,

Long term user but wanted to remain anonymous too.

My youngest daughter went through this stage with the poo and it was awful I dreaded bed time this went on for a few months and I tried all sorts of different clothing techniques that would work for 1 night before she worked out how to get into her nappy again.This was about 9 months ago now. (I still do dread nighttime's but for different reasons they go to bed between 7.30 and 8 and are still up screaming and crashing about at 10)

I had/have a very difficult relationship with my daughters because of my illness and also got to the point where I really believed they would be better off in care. I have no support network, no friends or family to speak of apart from the girls Dad and at times he is as useful as a chocolate teapot to put it politely.

He also never takes them away from the house so I am with them 24/7 just with him about as well.

I accessed some support through ringing social services and they put us onto a family resource worker who comes in once a week/fortnight. She is great and has been a real support in our lowest moments. We are about 15 weeks on and although it is still a struggle with her support I do not feel half as bad.

There was never any question of them taking the kids even though part of me wanted them too, although now I know I would have been devastated if that had happened.

There is a lot of difficult emotions when you feel like this or at least there was for me.

Why was I not good enough
The kids would be better off
Can I really trust myself not to snap and lash out
Hate directed at the children and myself
so much guilt
How much of a failure I was
What would other people think
Anger at family for not being there etc...

And many more I couldn't even list.

I never got to the bottom of the poo thing with youngest but it did stop eventually and i'm sure your daughter will too. I know you wont be able to see it now as I never could.

Not really anything constructive in my post but just wanted you to know you are not alone in how you are feeling right now.

iammumtoone

I have nothing to offer in the way of help as it has all been said, lots of great advise already been given.

I just wanted to let you know that I have felt the same way as you in the past, I convinced myself that giving my son up would be better for him. I also remember asking my ex to have him full time and if he had said yes I know I would have willingly signed the papers giving him custody. I will be forever grateful to my ex in the fact he said no he wouldn't have him (although I still moan and groan about him!)

In the end (after some other stuff happened) I got myself to the doctors and got the help I needed. I should have gone a lot sooner but at least I went before it was too late and I did something I would always regret.

Please think very carefully about giving your child up, I often think about what would have happen if I made that phone call and I now can't believe I got to the stage that I wanted to do that. I urge you to speak to your doctor first.

Good luck, there is no shame is feeling this way, I wish you well and hope you get the help you need.

mich13x

Hi OP,

As others have suggested I think you really need to inform the health visitor. As much as I have sympathy for you and understand you are going through a difficult time, the most important person in this is your little girl, who at 2 years old is still learning how to express herself and most likely doesn't understand how her behavior affects you, but will almost definitely be feeling the negative vibes from you which will impact her behavior.

I also think as much as your older child may be someone you feel you can vent to, you must control yourself and not say negative things about the youngest to her. It's simply not fair.

I also think a full or part time job would help you and your daughter immensely as you will get the breathing space you need and she will get the benefit of some structure and routine.

Hope things do get better for you and your precious daughter.