Giving up my child

Cantdothisanymore

Thank you everyone. Those who have shared experiences and all of the advice offered is very much appreciated. I have had a good cry and just writing how I am feeling down has helped. I am usually a rational person and my behaviour/feelings are quite out of character.

I have had a chat with eldest daughter and apologised for my behaviour. Youngest is asleep but ill give her a squeeze in the morning.

I will call my GP for an appt to talk things over and see what she can suggest and I have just suggested to eldest that maybe a few days away somewhere from the daily stresses of life next week might be in order so we can spend some quality time together.

meritaten

Cantdothisanymore - please realise that you are not alone - I had a husband in residence when my son was little and I still felt that for two pins I would let him be adopted! there were times I just shut him (son not husband) in his room and just cried in my room. I also had two older children to care for - and felt so guilty that every day no3 child took ALL my energy! of course, shutting the youngest in his room meant that for the next couple of hours I would be putting the room to rights - or maybe a neighbour would knock on the door and ask if I knew 'son was hanging by his fingers out the window'? or 'taking potshots with an elastic band and whatever missiles he could fashion'.?
I sympathise - I really do - and you need to ask for help - there is no shame in that.

just to encourage you - my son knows full well what a challenge he was - and he is the most loving and supportive to me of my three kids - because as he told his mental health nurse - 'if it hadn't been for mums love and support I wouldn't be here'. hearing that, well, even now I want to cry.

sassyblue

It's worth mentioning too that hot weather can make the most placid child turn into a devil, have you got a fan you could use in the main room?

I sympathise I'll never forget how hard the younger years are. X

Cate1976

My husband & I have had poo smearing with one of our twin girls, it is frustrating and so easy to get angry. I ended up ringing my Dad one evening when she did it and it was all over the tv and a couple of other things as well. Called her a br*t to my Dad (wasn't impressed). There will be a reason for her starting to do it and it could be pushing boundaries and now she's seen it annoys you, she'll do it all the more. The way my husband & I were advised to deal with it was to not show anger or frustration, clean her and anything that has poo on it with minimum fuss, tell her she's naughty once and then that's it.

It might be worth you getting in touch with your health visitor to see what help there is available without getting social services involved. Might also be worth you going to see the gp to see what help you can get, if it's in your area, get in touch with wellbeing, they've helped my husband with relaxation techniques.

Sounds as though your eldest is trying to be a help but as you say, she needs time for study and chill out time. Hope you're able to have quality time with her next week when your little one is with her Dad.

Sassy has a good point that it could be the weather that's making her play up, one of my twins has been struggling to cope in this heat.

southoftheriver

Please consider contacting homestart. They have volunteers all over the country who can come round and be a source of support for you. It is free, and the volunteers have experience with children. Whether you just need a break or someone to have a coffee and a cry with, they can help. Well done for admitting you are struggling, it is a testament to how much you care about your children.

It won't always be like this.

http://www.home-start.org.uk/

sweaty_betty

Lots of sympathy OP. My LO is the same age and has just started playing up before bed (and before going to nursery) and I'm finding the weekends hard work, so can only imagine how you must be feeling. I do think some of it is the heat, some of it is their age, some of it is a response to what's happening around them (we've had a traumatic few weeks which I'm sure he's picked up on).

I agree with other posts suggesting you should go see your GP - you sound a little like I did when I was depressed (not that I want to diagnose you) and use the time when your daughter is away to do things for you. Those things should both give you a bit of breathing space so you feel refreshed when she gets home.

I also think it's worth trying to arrange one night a week when your ex can have your daughter overnight (I would hope that this is possible, even if it's not the same night every week). I do think he needs to step up a bit and take responsibility.

All else I can say is hang on in there, it's hard having a toddler but hopefully this, like everything, is just a phase you have to get through.

jenhug

You have MS, and are a single mum to a teenager and a toddler. No wonder you are stressed!

Is your little ones bedtime routine not working because of the heat?

I recommend learning some breathing and relaxation techniques if you can, I have a special needs child and suffer with depression/stress/anxiety as a direct result of living with a disabled child.

Making time for relaxation really really helps.

365days

Just something practical to add. Wearing a swimsuit under clothes/pyjamas makes poo smearing much harder to do.

tesuhoha

Another practical suggestion. How about buying her some pretty new pyjamas. Take her out with you to choose them and make a big fuss about how lovely she looks in them.

Savvy_Sue

As well as home start (which the OP says isn't in her area), it may be worth asking the HV if they know of any local colleges which need placements for childcare students, there may be students who need to 'catch up' on one over the summer, or new students to be placed for the autumn.