Moving house and area after 22 years- help please

Davesnave

Lou67 wrote: »

Re; the bolded comments: I have always fancied living in a village setting, but this sounds awful to me. The resident was being horrid until his mate said or indicated that you were 'ok' and then decided to be nice. Sounds like primary school!

It used to happen here, but 40 years ago!

I can't speak for Cornwall, but in my area of Devon, which is not on most tourist's radar, things are very different. This is one of the friendliest places I've lived, with a very good mix of people, many originally from well outside the area.

Hermoine

I'm early 50s and single and have moved around the UK quite a lot, for work reasons, which has been interesting but left me feeling a bit rootless. So, about a year ago, I started looking at things the other way round - I decided to find a place I wanted to live in and settle permanently, and then get work to work around that. I was drawn towards the west country, because that's where I come from, and I still have some family there, and then I started doing research, looking for a smallish town to settle in. I looked at practical things such as ease of transport to London and house prices, but I also started to look at what went on in the place - were there clubs, societies I could join? Was there cultural activity of the type I was interested in, was there an interest in sustainability ?? I did all of that online so I could be reasonably confident that there would be activities for me to get involved in and also, people with similar interests to me living there. Only after that did I visit the place and start to see what it felt like. Once I also started house hunting I made sure that I wasn't just looking at the house but at the relationship between that house and those of the neighbours houses - eg I wasn't keen on a lovely period property in the middle of the new housing estate. I have ended up in a terrace described as 'having a strong community feeling" and, indeed, after a month or so, I feel very much at home with friendly neighbours, who might never become my best friends but mean there will always be someone to say hello to. I haven't started joining things yet, but I will... Its not always going to be easy - I have to work in London more than I would like for at least the next few years, and the house is going to involve more work than I had thought - but I feel that I am there for the long haul, and am really quite happy. So, take your time and do your research, and you will find somewhere where you fit.

moneyistooshorttomention

ash28 wrote: »

Do you live in a predominantly muslim area? If you do that's probably the reason you are experiencing what you are.

It won't be anything personal and certainly not breed specific.....muslims aren't allowed to keep dogs as pets - they think they are unclean - they can keep them as hunting dogs or guard dogs or maybe even fighting dogs, but not pets and they would be kept outside.

Obviously there will be some who will have them as pets but they would be a tiny proportion.

They don't like dogs.......they think if one walks in front of them (or is that across them) it makes their prayers worthless. That angels won't come into a house where there is a dog......they will lose a little bit of heaven for every day they have a dog.

If it's a predominantly muslim area that will be the reason for the continued abusive behaviour I would think, and I wouldn't think it would get any better. It's a cultural and religious thing.

Is there no where a short driving distance away where you could your dog out for a walk? I know you shouldn't have to but it would make things far less stressful for you and the dog.

Hope that helps to put what's happening into some sort of perspective, and if it is the reason for the abuse, helps you make a decision about your future.

I didn't know that and I feel I should have done, having had a couple of Muslim boyfriends way back in my "younger days" (that would be why I never noticed them paying any attention to dogs ever then....).

Even given that, its up to THEM to be the ones to adapt. If someone chooses to live in a dog-loving country, then its understandable if they don't want one themselves, but they are expected to accept that other people have dogs as pets and not do anything against what is, after all, part of our Way of Life. The onus is on them to "put up and shut up" and not us to change our ways for their sake.

I would tend to see it as being down to my self-respect personally and would think "Why should I live according to someone else's way of life in my own country? They are the ones who need to change, not me" but I can understand OP feeling tempted to opt for safety rather than self-respect in the circumstances.

So, I wouldn't expect them to make a fuss of my dog (even if they were a "people-loving breed" of dog) or in any way look out for the dog, but they should at least ignore it.

AmberNguyen

That is a very long time you have been residing out there..must have been pretty much hard for you..i hope you get accustomed to your new environment.

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love_lifer

Thanks ash, yes you've explained it really well, there were some bits I didn't get but that makes sense. I have accepted I need to travel out to walk him but I had a knee op and cant drive so I've been going local last few weeks.

I am not religious and find it hard to accept people put so much trust into whats essentially just their faith. No-one knows who if anyone has it right. But treating people who have different beliefs like !!!! to me is abominable. That's why I need to move. I love secular diverse society.

Britabroad thats also really useful, thanks. If I was ignored, as I often have been that would be fine. It's the unpleasantness I abhor. You sound content. Which is all anyone can ask for. Maybe I need to emigrate? I'm not sure I'm that brave

moneyistooshorttomention

Please don't even think of emigrating. I can understand if you don't feel strong enough to stand up for your right to live in accordance with our own way of life in our own country. Are you in a financial position to move to a bit more expensive area in your current location? (maybe there would be a lower proportion of people lacking in intelligence enough to take the abusive attitude you've had from some).

How often are you encountering people who are being abusive to you like this in your current area? Once a month, once a week, several times a day?

EmmaHerts

Get a dog walker?

love_lifer

Thanks for posts. I have a dog walker for when I work. But it's beautiful where I live and I'm not giving up walking to local woods, it's one of the main attractions of the area.

I could move further out. It's one of the possibilities. However I'm thinking Bradford is generally on the slide and I've lost faith in the council and their ability to manage the lack of integration and growing problems in the district. There's a pretense that the problems don't exist. I'm really in limbo with it all

slowcoachme

Do you ever walk out without your dog? What happens when you go to the local shops, do the women engage with you? If not try a smile and a "Good Moorning" , admire their babies and children, Yes, it will take some effort on your part, but to move house because some people don't like your dog is drastic.

love_lifer

Hermione that's so helpful thanks. I need to be more practical, like you I'm single so home is incredibly important, I need to get it right. Unfortunately I don't like my job so being settled and belonging are incredibly important to me.

I have started a list/plan...