Moving house and area after 22 years- help please

Mojisola

love_lifer wrote: »

I'm going to visit a couple of villages I like the look of next week. Will take dog, minus studded harness. Joke.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: ...........................

moneyistooshorttomention

love_lifer wrote: »

Interesting story Ian, sounds lovely. I'm similar- I like meeting people I know when I pop out. I like being part of a community which is why I've disliked what's been happening round here. Walking the dog in a new area is a great idea.

I'm going to visit a couple of villages I like the look of next week. Will take dog, minus studded harness. Joke.

This is the thing and Ian's comment as well about taking an hour just to pop to the shops.

In my own particular tiny bit then I will often bump into neighbourhood people I know, have a chat in passing. In the wider area this used to be the case. It used to be the case that I could walk down the High Street and probably have had several conversations (or at least greetings) by the time I had reached the end of it. Not any more...these days the area has changed so much and expanded a lot that its now rare to have that.

Where I am going to, on the other hand, I was already being hailed and chatted with by (new) familiar faces as I walked around.

It does suit some of us to be in a smaller place.

Thanks Ian for your explanation.

I do feel sorry for that 90 year old woman living on her own that a previous poster mentioned. It must almost feel like being under house arrest from the description. Even if she's on the Internet and has lots of people she can chat with by phone that really doesn't sound like much of a life for her to have.

phoebe1989seb

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Errrrm....I think people will be nervous of some breeds of dog wherever you live and moving area won't make any difference to that.

I must confess I'm nervous of some breeds (and that is one of them actually) but will just look nervously at the dog and steer a little bit clear. I don't know if they deserve the "bad press" they get but that's my reaction. A lot of us are also nervous of ones like alsations for instance. A stranger will have no way of knowing whether a particular dog is well-trained and loves everyone.

Other breeds, on the other hand, tend to make many of us feel rather differently. For instance, I'd walk up to any golden retriever and expect it to be ready and waiting to make a new friend (because all the ones I've ever come across of that breed seem to love people and are usually well-trained). That's the sort of breed I would buy personally if I wanted to make friends with half the neighbourhood in a matter of weeks and I'd just wait for the dog to "introduce me" to everyone iyswim.

So, I'm not sure that moving will solve the particular problem you have if that is your main motivation for doing so in fact I'm afraid.

I have to agree with you here Money I've always been very nervous around certain dog breeds - possibly instilled in me as a child as my dad was bitten when he was young. We never had a dog at home (only cats) and only one of my friends had a dog - a big fluffy cross-breed, so not really scary! DH otoh, grew up with dogs as pets and always wanted one, so when DS was about 7 we got a miniature Dachshund. Unfortunately it was the most vicious, snappy sausage dog ever and after he bit a friend of ours we had to re-home him

Then my SIL acquired a pair of Staffies - one which she took on after a friend couldn't handle it - and whilst one was very gentle, the other was very intimidating imho.......partially as a result of this I avoided visiting her house.

We do now have a dog - a very soppy and extremely shaggy-haired 18 month old Labradoodle - and I've become more accustomed to dogs generally as a result, although another SIL has three Rotties and two of those (the young males) really terrify me. I'm sure they're lovely dogs and they certainly appear to be well-trained, but they just look like they could bowl you over and maul you to death if you so much as look at them!

What I'm trying to say here is that some people are always going to associate certain breeds with violent attacks - however unfounded this may be. I'm in my forties now and don't think I'll ever truly be able to say I have no fear of dogs. However, OP for someone to make comments regarding your dog merely because it looked at them seems crazy and irrational, but it is obviously the breed and the bad press surrounding it, unfortunately. As Money says, we've found with our dog that he's a real people magnet - almost everyone wants to make a fuss of him - he's incredibly friendly and loves everyone, human or animal. IMHO having a friendly dog can definitely help ease you into a new community

moneyistooshorttomention

I've not encountered labroodles personally Phoebe, but I'm told they are also "right softies" and, as a breed, like people so I'm not surprised yours is also a people magnet.

Some breeds of dogs are just so friendly etc that they can even be safely left babysitting young babies (whilst owner is in next room) and they will happily do it and can be trusted to not harm a hair on their little heads.

love_lifer

Dimey your story is so sad. I hope your friend still has some pleasures in her life. As I said earlier I find people to be far more problematic than dogs, no dog will burgle mug or abuse an older person.

I know people are fearful of staffies but any dog well socialised and well treated is likely to pose no threat whatever the breed

Dimey

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I do feel sorry for that 90 year old woman living on her own that a previous poster mentioned. It must almost feel like being under house arrest from the description. Even if she's on the Internet and has lots of people she can chat with by phone that really doesn't sound like much of a life for her to have.

You're right. My 90yr old friend has lived in fear and solitude for over 10 years behind those blessed bars.

She doesn't use the internet. Her son phones her every morning and evening to check she's ok as he lives a long way away. (She won't go to live with him.) Her son visits once a month.

He's tried to find a nice neighbour to pop in but can't find any. He contacted social services and found some volunteers who would have gone in for a cuppa and a chat or to get her shopping but the old dear couldn't understand the accents and was scared they'd steal from her having heard horror stories years ago about one or two bad apple carers. We just couldn't persuade her to persevere till she got to know them better.

It is as awful as it sounds but no we just can't get her to leave as she's too old to face the bother and wants to die in the place her husband died.

I don't think this type of inner city living is right for anyone. I bet my friend isn't the only person living like this.

Edit - She was pushed over in a shop last year (by a girl with a push chair who wanted to get past her) and the fall broke her hip. The girl didn't even stop to apologise. Like many who break their hip, she's been in pain and on a walking frame ever since. She leans on her shopping trolley when she goes out now. But at least she still gets out to do her shopping once a week. Sorry I'll stop now. Going off thread a bit here :-)

love_lifer

god how awful. I understand that desire to stay put, my elderly next door but one neighbour has just gone into a home, against her will. but shes doing ok. I can see why youd get to 80+ and not want to move. I mean im struggling so its completely understandable to me. her son sounds decent, and so do you, these things mean a lot

ash28

love_lifer wrote: »

You'd have to be here, but I'll try to explain. Many people in my area are scared of dogs and it arises from this , something I completely underestimated. I was brought up in a mixed community and some families had dogs. Foolishly I thought it was similar now, I hadn't realized how silly people had become and anti dog, especially stafies, the type of dog I have. I just imagined most people saw that, not dissimilar to racism and homophobia, dog prejudice is irrational. Humans are by far the most dangerous species on earth. I was naive.

This community is scared. My dog gets scared back and barks, its a vicious circle. Then I get abuse. However I also get it without any barking- a few week s ago a man went past me in the park and said f off. I was gobsmacked and challenged him. Your f-ing dog looked at me. As I said you'd have to experience it to understand...

Don't know if this makes sense

Do you live in a predominantly muslim area? If you do that's probably the reason you are experiencing what you are.

It won't be anything personal and certainly not breed specific.....muslims aren't allowed to keep dogs as pets - they think they are unclean - they can keep them as hunting dogs or guard dogs or maybe even fighting dogs, but not pets and they would be kept outside.

Obviously there will be some who will have them as pets but they would be a tiny proportion.

They don't like dogs.......they think if one walks in front of them (or is that across them) it makes their prayers worthless. That angels won't come into a house where there is a dog......they will lose a little bit of heaven for every day they have a dog.

If it's a predominantly muslim area that will be the reason for the continued abusive behaviour I would think, and I wouldn't think it would get any better. It's a cultural and religious thing.

Is there no where a short driving distance away where you could your dog out for a walk? I know you shouldn't have to but it would make things far less stressful for you and the dog.

Hope that helps to put what's happening into some sort of perspective, and if it is the reason for the abuse, helps you make a decision about your future.

BritAbroad

I can definitely relate to the feeling like an outsider thing. I felt like an outsider in the town in which I grew up, and in the city where I worked for 10 years - I was actually told I was an outsider by a colleague as I lived 20 miles away. It was a bit rich considering she'd only lived and worked in the city for 6 months at the time.

I live overseas now and still feel like an outsider - in some ways more so than ever. All of my (few) friends here are fellow expats. It was never my intention for that to be the case, but people here are not particularly friendly. It is very, very hard to make new friends. I have some acquaintances from some volunteer work I do, but sadly that's all it's ever likely to be.

I mostly cope by accepting it for what it is. I do like the area I live in, though I loathe the city it's next to. I like my house, and just try to accept that I am an outsider and that may not change. I try and keep myself busy most of the time, but every once in a while I do get down about it. However, there are also upsides to being an outsider - in some ways there's no expectations of you so it can take the pressure off. You can potter about and know that nobody actually cares - quite liberating really.

When I first moved here I did all the things you're supposed to do to make friends - I volunteered, joined the gym, went to classes, joined a book group, went to every social event possible. In the end none of it made the slightest difference, so now I do things because I want to do those activities rather than because I think it'll help me to meet people.

Lou67

ian103 wrote: »

in cheshire, we had a great social life but never settled in 3 years, it was almost as though a second sense was telling us that it was a temporary stage. this was a place where it seemed possessions were the most important thing to people.

we were concerned moving to cornwall as we are obviously outsiders, but we were advised very early on to join in and become part of the community, in the early stages we made friends with a local old chap and that proved to be a great ice breaker (OH was getting some pointy comments in the pub at one stage about being an incomer, taking local housing etc - the old chap came over and spoke to OH and it showed he obviously knew her - the atmosphere changed in an instant - OH was then spoken to like an old lost friend by the person who had previously been making the pointy comments).

We have lived here now for 18 months and know so many people, more than we ever got to know in a town, if we nip to the shops we could be gone for an hour easily as you can meet so many people you know who will stop and chat - its all very sociaable. I would say this suits us perfectly, but its not to everyones taste.

Perhaps we are people who prefer the village lifestyle where there always seems more community etc, rather than townies.

Re; the bolded comments: I have always fancied living in a village setting, but this sounds awful to me. The resident was being horrid until his mate said or indicated that you were 'ok' and then decided to be nice. Sounds like primary school!