Moving house and area after 22 years- help please

love_lifer

You'd have to be here, but I'll try to explain. Many people in my area are scared of dogs and it arises from this , something I completely underestimated. I was brought up in a mixed community and some families had dogs. Foolishly I thought it was similar now, I hadn't realized how silly people had become and anti dog, especially stafies, the type of dog I have. I just imagined most people saw that, not dissimilar to racism and homophobia, dog prejudice is irrational. Humans are by far the most dangerous species on earth. I was naive.

This community is scared. My dog gets scared back and barks, its a vicious circle. Then I get abuse. However I also get it without any barking- a few week s ago a man went past me in the park and said f off. I was gobsmacked and challenged him. Your f-ing dog looked at me. As I said you'd have to experience it to understand...

Don't know if this makes sense

seton100

I do feel for you and it must be awful to go through this sort of abuse just because you choose to have a dog.

I think you would be wise to move forward. I know you are attached to your property but at the end of the day, it's just a roof over your head, no good if you cant enjoy the wider area around you.

I'd rather live in a shed in the country if it meant I would have a more peaceful, relaxed way of life.

Good luck

rich11

Hermoine wrote: »

Why not try villages and smaller towns around Bradford, or indeed another area of Bradford as that way you could stay part of all the things that you like about your city?

Ilkley sounds ideal for the OP

moneyistooshorttomention

Errrrm....I think people will be nervous of some breeds of dog wherever you live and moving area won't make any difference to that.

I must confess I'm nervous of some breeds (and that is one of them actually) but will just look nervously at the dog and steer a little bit clear. I don't know if they deserve the "bad press" they get but that's my reaction. A lot of us are also nervous of ones like alsations for instance. A stranger will have no way of knowing whether a particular dog is well-trained and loves everyone.

Other breeds, on the other hand, tend to make many of us feel rather differently. For instance, I'd walk up to any golden retriever and expect it to be ready and waiting to make a new friend (because all the ones I've ever come across of that breed seem to love people and are usually well-trained). That's the sort of breed I would buy personally if I wanted to make friends with half the neighbourhood in a matter of weeks and I'd just wait for the dog to "introduce me" to everyone iyswim.

So, I'm not sure that moving will solve the particular problem you have if that is your main motivation for doing so in fact I'm afraid.

Dimey

Over the years my family moved out of London to Hampshire, Hertfordshire and Kent. We all feel safer and happy.

My friend and her husband didn't move as he wanted to stay in London. Over the years the part of London they live in declined with no one keeping the place clean or repairing property and of course crime rose as did intolerance of the old Londoners ways and traditions.

By the time they were 75 they wanted to move out but couldn't face the rigours of moving. Now my friend is 90 and has been a widow for the past 10 years.

She has to have metal bars at her door and windows to stop the local druggies breaking in. None of her neighbours speak English so she never passes the time of day with them. There is rubbish and grime outside her house that isn't hers but she clears up when no one is around. She only goes out once a week for food shopping, in the early morning to avoid the crowds which she finds intimidating.

She doesn't want to move now, only because she wants to be in her home with memories of her husband there. Otherwise she'd go. They left it too late to move.

I'd say to OP, move now while you are young enough to adjust. Don't hang on to an old life that no longer exists. Think of your dog and take him somewhere happier.

Most inner cities will probably be like your place now. Try smaller towns or villages where there are less people so the atmosphere feels less threatening and generally - at least in public - folk are friendlier.

ian103

We've moved area several times, started in a town in staffordshire, then a village on the staffordshire/shropshire border, then cheshire, then worcestershire and now cornwall. Moving area is not easy and can be quite stressful until you have settled in.

Financially we were much better off in the midlands as we both had good jobs, but finally decided there is more to life than just work.

Neither of us felt attached to cheshire, the first village was great but work forced a move. but this is the one place OH would go back to, the property in worcestershire was my favorite but neither of us 'loved' the location.

We then moved to cornwall, into a very active village which we think is great, but not to everybodies taste. Financially we are a lot worse off but have a much better quality of life. Neither of us can see a stage when we will go back to the midlands which is in theory where our roots are.

moneyistooshorttomention

Ian103

I note your comment about "can be quite stressful until you have settled in" and wonder if you'd care to share on how you felt initially on moving and how long it took before you felt settled in and any tips you have on that?

I know friends of mine mentioned someone who moved area and that she was a bit worried about them for the first year, but now its all "Ooh, we're going to this and doing that and the people are very friendly" and she reckons they are happy there now.

Mojisola

love_lifer wrote: »

I hadn't realized how silly people had become and anti dog, especially stafies, the type of dog I have. I just imagined most people saw that, not dissimilar to racism and homophobia, dog prejudice is irrational.

When you find an area you like the look of, make sure you take your dog for a few walks around the streets and see what reaction you get.

A lot of people will make judgments about you because of the type of dog you have which might make settling into a new area more difficult.

ian103

in cheshire, we had a great social life but never settled in 3 years, it was almost as though a second sense was telling us that it was a temporary stage. this was a place where it seemed possessions were the most important thing to people.

in worcestershire, we found it very difficult to mix, meet new people, make friends etc, we both liked the property but couldn't get on in a town location, no one had time for each other - so it was stressful from a lack of community perspective. we stayed 7 years but in reality we only ever got to know our immediate neighbours - we probably only stayed for that length of time due to OH having a very stable job locally and the fact we were away every other weekend through the spring / summer / autumn months.

we were concerned moving to cornwall as we are obviously outsiders, but we were advised very early on to join in and become part of the community, in the early stages we made friends with a local old chap and that proved to be a great ice breaker (OH was getting some pointy comments in the pub at one stage about being an incomer, taking local housing etc - the old chap came over and spoke to OH and it showed he obviously knew her - the atmosphere changed in an instant - OH was then spoken to like an old lost friend by the person who had previously been making the pointy comments). We have lived here now for 18 months and know so many people, more than we ever got to knwo in a town, if we nip to the shops we could be gone for an hour easily as you can meet so many people you know who will stop and chat - its all very socialable. I would say this suits us perfectly, but its not to everyones taste.

Perhaps we are people who prefer the village lifestyle where there always seems more community etc, rather than townies.

love_lifer

Interesting story Ian, sounds lovely. I'm similar- I like meeting people I know when I pop out. I like being part of a community which is why I've disliked what's been happening round here. Walking the dog in a new area is a great idea.

I'm going to visit a couple of villages I like the look of next week. Will take dog, minus studded harness. Joke.