Underage mum and benefits

liney

No idea about benefits, but Freecycle in my area has loads of baby things come up.

Broken_hearted

savagevixen wrote: »

The dad is equally just a boy, and may not adjust to having a baby until the reality is there for him to see. He should not be judged either, I remember being 17 and I was just a kid (didn't think so at the time). He has run away with his girlfriend, fallen in love, felt grown up, its all gone pear shaped and he is probably scared out of his mind and trying to hide from the situation.

As a mother of two lovely boys that post was one of the best I've read in a long time. It's all too easy to blame the boy.

newcook

while Im not denying that they wont be fantastic parents I just think its a shame for all the things they will have to give up which most teens take for granted such as going out with your mates at the drop of a hat, going to sleep at your friends house for the weekend with the rest of the girls/boys, falling in love one week and out of love the next etc.

I really wish them the best of luck and hope they become a great family and i hope that she does well at school and gets a good career but I also hope she realises just how hard it will be (its hard at any age to raise a baby) and I hope that she takes advantage of all the classes and help available both before and after the birth.

kr15snw

pinkshoes wrote: »

My best mate and her husband earn about £55k between them (before tax), but after mortgage, council tax, bills, food, and petrol and cost of running 2 cars to get them both to work, they can't afford a baby. If they went back to work, the cost of childcare would be more per month than they have spare cash, if one stayed at home, the 1 salary wouldn't pay the mortgage.

Holy hell! How expensive a lifestyle do they lead?! Cant afford the mortgage if one gives up work? Wow, must be a damn high mortgage.

Im in full time education and only get about 2k a year from work. My boyfriends only gets 12k a year and we manage a mortgage, council tax, bills, food and petrol. We run 2 cars and have sky, broadband and travel to away games about 6 times a year following our team. Plus I go to sign language lessons (not cheap) and he likes to go watch speedway. We manage (just) but lead a quite happy life Plus we go on holiday every year for a week, and last year we saved so my boyfriend could go to oz with his mum for a month. Obviously we cant wait for me to finish uni, so that we will have more money as we are always skint at the end of the month But were ok

Anyway back to the actual point of this topic:

All I can say is good luck, its nice to see that shes interested in staying at school. How involved with the baby do you think she will be? You see some teenage mums that have no interest at all, and basically ar'nt the mum (if that makes sense). Hopefully she will be highly involved It seems that you want to help with this which will definately come in handy, and hopefully she has family members who will be willing to help aswell Even if its hand me downs, it all comes in handy!

Best of luck, and make sure she gets lots of emotional support aswell

pinkshoes

Oh these worries me taxpayers are always on hand aren't they? Because having a joint income of £50kpa and two flash cars on the drive along with sky TV and a foreign holiday isn't enough for some people is it? And nooo they couldn't afford to have a baby could they? A childminder can cost as little as £500pm so please would the people banging on about how those with higher incomes can't afford to have children - it's a blatant lie. What they mean is they can't afford to have children and keep both cars along with the sky TV and the foreign holidays. Well duh.

I wouldn't consider a 10 year old peugeot 206 and a 7 year old basic renault cleo as flash cars. They don't have sky tv, and they take 1 foreign holiday a year, driving across to france, and staying with relatives, so very cheap! Child care is around £800/month in the area they live for a child in a nursery. Petrol about £30/week each, and they live half way between where they both work. They honestly can't afford to have children at the moment, but i'm sure their taxes are paying for others.

No one is looking down or having a go at any hard working single mother who is doing their best in life and for their kid. They just object to those who irresponsibly get pregnant and make no effort to get out of the council house/benefits cycle. I think you're being a little bit paranoid Elle83, because you don't even "fit the category" that people are irritated about, you obviously have ambitions and want to acheive something in life, so I'm not sure why you feel people are looking at you and judging you. They aren't.

We're only judging and critisizing those whose only ambition in life is to get pregnant and get a council house, and have bills etc... paid by benefits.

poppyscorner

pinkshoes wrote: »

No one has said that everyone is the same, and what iwanttosave has acheived is fantastic. Most have commented on what the OP has said, which implies the pregnant 14 year old is after her benefits and a council house.

There are many people who have children as a teenager and go on to be very successful in life (my aunty for one!), but sadly those are a minority, and in the UK we have a severe problem with teenage (particularly under 16) pregnancies, and something needs to be done.

Sorry but I still don't agree with you what the OP asked for was advice for her friends to help them while the 14yr old finishes her education and can then progress into work she wasnt asking how can she get benefits and coucil house and stay there imho she is seeking temporary help until she can get on her own two feet which is what benefits are for imho.

And the thing about single mums I know many and they are also fantastic mums the majority and I think that it is the reverse and the minority of single teenage mums choose to sit on their buts in their council house and be provided for by the tax payer.

I also used to think like you about single mums till I studied for Alevels and lots of the females also studying were young single mums who wanted a better life and all credit to them and closer to home I have two cousins one had her first son at 14 she is now 28 with 7 kids but still out there working not sitting on her but creaming benefits my other cousin had her son at 17 still only has one son and she also works a full time job to make a better life for them not everyone falls into the same category and I strongly believe in the case of teenage single mums they get a very unfair deal they arent all spongers they just want the best for their families and if that means they rely on benefits for a while then so be it. I for one won't hold it against them.

RichyRich

pinkshoes wrote: »

No one is looking down or having a go at any hard working single mother who is doing their best in life and for their kid. They just object to those who irresponsibly get pregnant and make no effort to get out of the council house/benefits cycle.

I take issue with a number of issues raised in this thread.

1. The OP came asking for advice. Nobody but the OP knows the full circumstances of this girl and her familys situation. I find it very unfair that people form such judgments of these people that they do now know without all of the facts.

2. (per quote above) I find the allegation raised there highly questionable. The OP did not suggest that the family were in "the council house/benefits cycle". Even if they were, the political system we live under necessitates people doing the best that they can for themselves under the rules allowed. If you don't like the fact that "people scrounge off benefits" and that "there are no council houses available for 'hardworking people'", take issue with the political system, not the people occupying them and doing the acts you believe are wrong - they're only maximizing their own utility under the current climate...who can blame them for that?

3. There is some stigma about "benefits" which is pretty unreasonable. Healthcare in this country is provided subsidized or free of charge via the National Health Service. This is effectively a "benefit". There is no difference in theory between this benefit and income support. So if you have ever used an NHS hospital and despise people claiming benefits, you're a bit hypocritical really aren't you?

4. Why do people feel the need to pontificate against the dangers of unprotected sex? We all know what they are, to which the OP's (brave) post is testament. Where does the OP say that the 14 year old and her boyfriend had unprotected sex? It is feasible that they had protected sex and the condom failed. This is not impossible - it has happened to me before (but thankfully I'm 21 and got my better half straight off to chemist for a morning after pill - it may not have been feasible in the circumstances for the 14 y.o. to get there)

5. There are no council houses available because of the RTB scheme eroding stock, councils not allowed to use the money raised from RTB to replace housing stock, and this country's obsession with home ownership, not "teenage mothers claiming benefits"

6. I am astounded at the number of responses saying "abort it or have it adopted". 14 or not, the girl in question is a human being with human emotions - the baby in question is a living thing irrespective of the age of its mother. It's not that I'm fundamentally against adoption or abortion but to imply that it would be a panacea in this situation is pie-in-the-sky lunacy.

OK, mistakes have been made. Instead of vilifying this poor girl and her boyfriend, why not try and help her? Have you honestly never made a mistake? Once it's made it's made and your only option is to get the best out of the situationas it stands. The events of the past cannot be changed, so why pretend they can and use that as an excuse to say "Stupid Girl"? It's happened. Deal with it. If you have nothing constructive to say, don't reply on the thread. Save comments like the negative ones above to the Letters column in the Daily Mail next to the one about asylum seekers claiming benefits, Polish imigrants taking jobs, prisoners living in the equivalent of the Waldorf Astoria and the Princess Diana conspiracy theory.

After that rant, for which I apologise, I wish everyone involved the best of luck with whatever decisions they make, and hope that in the end the family resolve any arguments or disputes that may have arisen from this unfortunate incident.

Now, let's get this thread onto the topic of practical suggestions for the situation, shall we?

Rich

pinkshoes

RichyRich wrote: »

I take issue with a number of issues raised in this thread.

1. The OP came asking for advice. Nobody but the OP knows the full circumstances of this girl and her familys situation. I find it very unfair that people form such judgments of these people that they do now know without all of the facts.

2. (per quote above) I find the allegation raised there highly questionable. The OP did not suggest that the family were in "the council house/benefits cycle". Even if they were, the political system we live under necessitates people doing the best that they can for themselves under the rules allowed. If you don't like the fact that "people scrounge off benefits" and that "there are no council houses available for 'hardworking people'", take issue with the political system, not the people occupying them and doing the acts you believe are wrong - they're only maximizing their own utility under the current climate...who can blame them for that?

I (or anyone else) didn't SAY she was after a council house and benefits, I just said what is written by the OP implies that that's what she was looking for. I'm usually very careful in what I write, and unless something is specifically written, then I would never state or assume it.

As for the NHS hospitals, then that's what I pay my tax and NI for. I have no problem with my taxes helping people out who have hit a "blip" in life, and need some help to get themselves out of it, and put their life, career and ambitions back on track, but I do object to those who see their aim in life to get (and stay in) their council house, claiming their maximum benefits, and making no efforts to do something with their life. I also object to those who stay in their council taxes who now earn enough money to buy or rent privately, because it's preventing those who genuinely need a council house from getting one.

yes, this topic has deviated slightly, but the OP was about a pregnant 14 year old wanting to know what benefits were available, which opened up a pretty good debate if you ask me.

ChasingButterflies

Hi there OP,

I think the best port of call might be for this young lady to have an appointment with a midwife as they will be able to help with things like prescriptions for folic acid and any other vitamins which are important at this stage.

I also believe there is a scheme for those who are pregnant and on low incomes for them to receive vouchers to buy fresh fruit and vegetables - again I am sure that the midwife would have information regarding this and there are probably lots of other information that they would be able to help with finding or providing.

I also found this forum http://www.parentscentre.gov.uk/forum/messageview.cfm?catid=117&threadid=21819
which may help her - there are lots of people there who have experienced what she is going through/about to go through and would be able to provide some emotional and practical support - even if it is just to know that others have experienced the same things that she is going through.

There are a lot of people out there who feel that they have the right to judge others by making sweeping generalisations - there are an equal number of people who will be willing to offer help and support - which this thread I think has proved...

iwanttosave_2

Me and me monkeys, if she has a computer at home and wants someone to chat to who knows where she is coming from, PM me for my email address and I can be her sorta pen friend if she needs one.