Underage mum and benefits

iwanttosave_2

I kept my mouth shut but if some people want to stick the boot in at someone who can't defent themselves, maybe they can do it to me.

I had my first at 15, yes I was stupid, yes I was silly but guess what, I faced my responcabilities and got on with it. I gave birth just before my exams (2 weeks before) and except for French, I passed with flying colours (and stars, but I don't want to brag)

I had next to no support from anyone, family, friends, social services, his dad beggered off and hasnt been seen since he was 4 months old, ect, and you know what? I got on with it, I brought my son up to be one of the most happy, polite and funny boys I have ever had the honour to meet.

Yes I was on benefits for a short while, my family wouldn't help take care of him (don't get me wrong, they didn't dump me or anything, just left me to it) and I didn't want my child in a nursery (personal choice) I started working from home self empolyed, and it grew into my own business. I have more than paid back any benefits I claimed.

I am 23 now, I have another little boy who was born on my 21st birthday, I could think of better places to be on my birthday, but hey, life isn't fair. I am working towards my degree with the open university so one my kids are old enough I can pursue a career in midwifery.

So instead of the unhelpful ideas of her having an abortion and judging her, give advice about the situation asked and wish her luck, she will need it for when she faces people like you in life.

tango

iwanttosave wrote: »

I kept my mouth shut but if some people want to stick the boot in at someone who can't defent themselves, maybe they can do it to me.

I had my first at 15, yes I was stupid, yes I was silly but guess what, I faced my responcabilities and got on with it. I gave birth just before my exams (2 weeks before) and except for French, I passed with flying colours (and stars, but I don't want to brag)

I had next to no support from anyone, family, friends, social services, his dad beggered off and hasnt been seen since he was 4 months old, ect, and you know what? I got on with it, I brought my son up to be one of the most happy, polite and funny boys I have ever had the honour to meet.

Yes I was on benefits for a short while, my family wouldn't help take care of him (don't get me wrong, they didn't dump me or anything, just left me to it) and I didn't want my child in a nursery (personal choice) I started working from home self empolyed, and it grew into my own business. I have more than paid back any benefits I claimed.

I am 23 now, I have another little boy who was born on my 21st birthday, I could think of better places to be on my birthday, but hey, life isn't fair. I am working towards my degree with the open university so one my kids are old enough I can pursue a career in midwifery.

So instead of the unhelpful ideas of her having an abortion and judging her, give advice about the situation asked and wish her luck, she will need it for when she faces people like you in life.

What you have achieved wanty is fantastic;)

The problem is that it won't turn out like that for everyone,it depends on at lot of other factors,the ability and determination of the girl involved for a start.
Thinking to yourself ' I will face up to my responsibilities' may not last long ,when reality strikes.
Support and luck will be needed whichever route she takes

iwanttosave_2

tango wrote: »

What you have achieved wanty is fantastic;)

The problem is that it won't turn out like that for everyone,it depends on at lot of other factors,the ability and determination of the girl involved for a start.
Thinking to yourself ' I will face up to my responsibilities' may not last long ,when reality strikes.
Support and luck will be needed whichever route she takes

No, I think the main problem is, people on read about these little teen mums that take little chardonney to the street corner with her to drink white lightning and how much of a drain they are on the system.

If thats what people think of you whats the point in trying to be anything other than that? Every girl should be given the chance to prove their worth, until then I think people should reserve judgement.

Oh and thank you

Yorkshire-Lady_3

Hm, mixed bag of replies here I see, but only to be expected.

I am a Registered Childminder and care for a baby boy of a 'Teen Parent'. S was 8 months pregnant before anyone knew, and had the most gorgeous baby boy last March 2006. She was 16 and just 3 weeks away from her GCSE's. Fortunately, her school were on the ball and started things rolling with regard to S doing her exams. I first met S and her baby E when he was just 3 weeks old. She came with her Dad, who was delighted that someone was stepping in to help. He'd had visions of S having no chance of passing her exams.

E came to me just before he was 4 weeks old, fully funded by Care to Learn. He's now 15 months, and the most wonderful child I've ever had the privilidge to care for. His Mummy passed 11 GCSE's and is now taking her AS levels at this moment in time.

She's calm, loving, and mature far beyond her years, and a pleasure to work with. She appreciates all I do for E, and I think a lot about her.

What I am trying to say, is that if you don't ask for help, you don't know what's available. Her mum will not receive funding as she's not a Registered Chilminder. School should put her in touch with a 'Teen Parent' advisor, who will be able to point her in the right direction.

Good Luck to all concerned.

Sally x

Broken_hearted

Yes it depends on the person some people will fail whether they have children or not.

tango

iwanttosave wrote: »

No, I think the main problem is, people on read about these little teen mums that take little chardonney to the street corner with her to drink white lightning and how much of a drain they are on the system.

If thats what people think of you whats the point in trying to be anything other than that? Every girl should be given the chance to prove their worth, until then I think people should reserve judgement.

Oh and thank you

A very good point..maybe we are all a little jaded in our view of many things in life
Whether that is teen mums,older mums or people who choice to remain childless,everyones story will be different and individual to them;)

iwanttosave_2

tango wrote: »

A very good point..maybe we are all a little jaded in our view of many things in life
Whether that is teen mums,older mums or people who choice to remain childless,everyones story will be different and individual to them;)

Very true.

I have seen other teen mums be fab mums and on the same lines, I have seen older women be terrible parents, its just a shame that when its a teen mum thats a bad 'un, we all get tarnished with the brush.

trish06

to the op,please pass on my good wishes to the girl
and i wish her good luck in the future :hello:

poppyscorner

I think it is absolutely disgraceful the way some people have stuck the knife in to this girl.
As I said earlier if she was a variety of scrounger who thinks she can have a baby to get benefits etc then she wouldn't be making a commitment to her education whether it is law or not I am sure we are all aware of kids who at 14/15 give up going to school and are never made to go back at all.
So we all know it shouldn't happen but it does.

Yes it will be a struggle for the girl but why shout her down before she has even had the chance to prove herself some people are very cynical on here and in my opinion the OP never asked to have this girl who is obviously very dear to her pulled to shreds by a group of people who think she is no better than something they have trodden in.

If we want to talk about people claiming benefits what about people who are drug addicts get help on the NHS at a cost of god knows how much get accomodation and benefits on a plate just to spend the money on more drugs and throw it all back in everyones faces.
Now I am generallising and tarring everyone with the same brush some people have problems for whatever reason and have a heartbreaking story to tell and fall into that way of life because of it and others do it because they think its cool and would rather spend their days spaced out.

Its not all black and white there are lots of grey areas just think if that was your daughter and she read it how upset would she be.

No matter what her age is she deserves a chance to prove herself and how she handles this the choice is entirely her own and speaking as a tax paying citizen with two kiddies I don't mind paying to support her its always single mums especially young ones that get the boot stuck in them and they are not all the same.

Before anyone makes any comment about me I am 24 married with 2 boys and working.

iwanttosave good on you for posting shows all the critics that not everyone is the same and well done on what you have achieved you should be very proud of yourself a midwife that is my dream job just cant afford to leave my job to do the training

Oldernotwiser

There's obviously been a great deal of strong opinions expressed here and people often have very different views on this sort of thing. However, nobody should be criticised for suggesting abortion or adoption as valid alternatives for someone in this situation. If individual choice is what counts, then that needs to be informed choice, not a general assumption that there's only one way forward in this situation. It's a shame that somebody in this girl's situation doesn't have access to unbiased information so that she can make the choices that will affect her life (and the lives of others) from a position of knowledge and strength, rather than sentimentality and fashion.