Underage mum and benefits

Rikki

Becles wrote: »

Depends on the attitude and maturity of the child and the support she gets from her mother, or the baby's father and his family.

I had a baby last month. I also have 2 boys, 2 collies and the usual household jobs. I'm managing to juggle all that with doing a uni degree, including completing an assignment the day after I came out of the labour ward. If the girl is determined to manage looking after the baby and her studies and with plenty of support, she'll get there.

I understand all that. I just feel she wants to learn and make something of herself and have a child at this young age could ruin all that.

Rikki

me_and_me_monkeys wrote: »

Have you never had a lightbulb moment when suddenly you've realised that you messed up big time?? I have, maybe not the same but still I messed up BIG TIME and I realised my mistake, grew up overnight about it, and I wasn't much older.
But I didn't come on here to justify her behaviour or that of her mum, I cam to ask for some practical advice/ideas so they can sort themselves out - As i know how knowledgable people on here are

I too have had several life changing moments. Many a time I could have just given in and taken the soft option, but I choose to fight and struggle on.

My advice was genuine based on the information you gave.

Zara33

Becles wrote: »

Depends on the attitude and maturity of the child and the support she gets from her mother, or the baby's father and his family.

I had a baby last month. I also have 2 boys, 2 collies and the usual household jobs. I'm managing to juggle all that with doing a uni degree, including completing an assignment the day after I came out of the labour ward. If the girl is determined to manage looking after the baby and her studies and with plenty of support, she'll get there.

But you aren't a 14yr old kid having a kid are you?

Let's hope the novelty doesn't wear off when she's done playing with being mummy.

pinkshoes

My best mate and her husband earn about £55k between them (before tax), but after mortgage, council tax, bills, food, and petrol and cost of running 2 cars to get them both to work, they can't afford a baby. If they went back to work, the cost of childcare would be more per month than they have spare cash, if one stayed at home, the 1 salary wouldn't pay the mortgage.

And at the other end of the scale we have a 14 year old, probably too naive to realise she could get pregnant through unprotected sex (otherwise why the surprise?!?!), who seems to think that the key to life is benefits and a council house. Yes, great that she wants to continue with her school, but i very much doubt she has any idea of how hard it's gonna be, and i hardly think palming her baby off on her mum while she studies is a good idea.

What's wrong with suggestion adoption?? If I was in her position, then I'd be happy that the baby could have a fantastic life with some loving parents elsewhere. She would be making a childless couple eternally happy and grateful, plus she has all the time in the world to settle down later in life, AFTER she's finished her education and found a career she wants to follow.

The OP wanted advice, so I offered an alternative to be considered. If she wants to keep the baby, then she should be a stay at home mum for 5 years until the child is old enough to go to school, then at aged 19 she can return to school herself and finish her education.

BernadetteN

Nicki wrote: »

She is however now, according to OP, facing up to her responsibilities, and has decided that it is best for her to keep her baby and continue her education.

Where is the evidence that the family is facing up to their responsibilities? How can enquiring about benefits be facing up to responsibility, that is asking the state to take the reponsibility and provide finance instead of those who should eg mother, father and (because the parents ARE CHILDREN) the grandparents too?

In any case, babies can cost next to nothing for the first years of life. Breastfeeding is free, cloth nappies, clothes and prams can be found on freecycle for nothing. I would be more concerned about the emotional side of expecting a CHILD to bring up a CHILD, the affect it might have on the younger sibling and the grandmother who may end up becoming the de facto mother.

Bernadette

Temporary single parent to 4 kids aged 1 to 10 years who HAS WORKED THROUGH ALL 4 PREGNANCIES, 4 TODDLERHOODS AND STUDIED TOO.

Broken_hearted

Rikki wrote: »

If she wants good grades and a good job my suggestion would be an abortion. She will find it very difficult with a child in tow.

i

I sorry but that is utter rubbish, I had a baby at 17 bought a house at 18 and finished Uni at 21.

BernadetteN

me_and_me_monkeys wrote: »

So she is damned forever for going to work and leaving others to look after her kids
And shes damned forever for staying at home. Ever get the feeling she cannot win??

Join the club. This dilemma is not exclusive to single parents or 14 year old child parents. It's a dilemma that nearly all parents in western society are faced with, what makes the this grandmother and her child and grandchild so special?

Hapless_2

As she is 14, no doubt Social Services will get involved. The most important thing is that she realises that whatever she chooses it will be HER choice, BUT she must be informed what those choices may mean the pros and the cons..
Have the child, no money, doubtful chance of full time work and career.
Have an abortion, the possible emotional baggage that goes with it, the guilt etc.
Have the child adopted, the constant thoughts of..where are they, are their new parents treating them well, will they thank me or hate me for giving them up etc.
I would not say yay or nay to any of these choices as it is not my position to tell someone what to do in this situation.
But as to benefits, I believe the girls mother can claim but not the girl herself as she is under 16.

Oldernotwiser

silvercar wrote: »

I wonder if the she could claim help with childcare to pay her Mum to look after the baby whil she is at school.

As her mother's not working, why should the girl be able to get money to pay for this?

Oldernotwiser

poppyscorner wrote: »

the OP has stated that the girl wants to carry on her education which to me is very commendable

Commendable or not, as she's still below school leaving age she doesn't have much choice in the matter. If you were allowed to leave education when you became pregnant there would be far more teenage mothers than there are now!!