Problem Neighbour. Thoughts?

ska_lover

ruby-roo wrote: »

There is only one person on this forum clearly out for a b!tch fest today and that is you not marisco.

It is your prerogative not to agree with other peoples opinions but that does not give you the right to haul them over the coals for them as you have done above. How exactly can you diagnose that the OPs neighbour could have dementia from the few posts from another complete stranger?

Oh, my mistake, it must be YOU then - jumping in with silly accusations on a post to which you have not previously responded..

If you bothered to read my posts, which you clearly haven't, I have said that it is a possibility that there is a medical condition and have never said that I believe it is for certain???. I am not the old womans doctor so could not know for sure, but it is a FACT that a large proportion of elderly do have some degree of dementia. I am talking facts not assumptions here..

Thumper7

MentalMinnie

I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation.

The woman is over 80 years old, how much of a threat is she actually. Her calling your husband a terrorist, whilst not nice and offensive does sound like she is living in the past.

I know old people can be cantankerous old [EMAIL="b@stards"]b@stards[/EMAIL], and some of them can be down right vicious and I've met a few that I would have strangled quite happily if I could have gotten away with it.

Do you think that she is just wanting attention, especially since she has alienated her family, and that even negative attention is better than none at all. I mean how sad it must be for her, even if it is all her own fault, to have no one.

ska_lover

make_me_wise wrote: »

Oh the irony, considering how you have chosen to address other posters today!

If someone comes on here making medical diagnosis then they are talking complete garbage and are just having a b1tch fest in implying that a complete stranger is behaving badly just for the sake of it - yes I stand 100% by what I say....none of us can say for sure if this lady is ill, or not.

Dementia is not an illness that can be seen and there is a lot of prejudice regarding any kind of mental illness

coolcait

MentalMinnie wrote: »

... The lady that lives next door to me has known her for 40+ years and has said she's always been like this. Categorically said that she doesn't have dementia or any such like.

TBH, that's hearsay.

Just like everything else you 'know' about your neighbour's alleged past history and past experiences is hearsay.

geoffky

Poor women needs help not hindrance..Social services may need prompting.

coolcait

One of the advantages of being the 'OP' on any thread is that you are often given the benefit of the doubt.

So, if an OP says that one of their neighbours is the problem, that's often taken at face value.

However, on this thread, the OP has told us about a number of occasions where she and her OH could well have been the 'problem neighbour' in another thread.

Putting on the radio at a high volume, with the windows wide open.

'working on the car' before 9.00 on a Saturday morning. 'Working on the car' can be a noisy activity in itself. If the radio is on, even more so.

Making it clear that she is standing at her front window watching her neighbour (the neighbour could have interpreted the 'waving' in that way, especially if she already feels that the OP is a problem neighbour...).

The OP's defence against the allegation about 'car music' is that the car is 30 miles away, with her husband. Yet, this morning it wasn't.

Does the car start the day and finish the day at the OP's house - with or without music - and then sit in a car park 30 miles away? Or, does the OP's OH - and the car - usually stay 30 miles away from their home.

Did the neighbour explicitly call the OP's husband 'a terrorist'? Is that the 'derogatory remark' which the OP coyly refers to at first? Or, it that the OP's interpretation of the phrase "we don't need his sort of trouble over here"?

I don't think that it's so easy to rule out the possibility that the neighbour genuinely has mental health issues - be that dementia, schizophrenia or something else. Her alleged behaviour does fit in with various diagnoses.

Equally, I don't think that it's so easy to rule out the possibility that the OP and her OH have in fact caused their neighbour some distress - albeit unknowingly.

Nor is it so easy to rule out the possibility that the OP is over-reacting.

MentalMinnie

coolcait wrote: »

One of the advantages of being the 'OP' on any thread is that you are often given the benefit of the doubt.

So, if an OP says that one of their neighbours is the problem, that's often taken at face value.

However, on this thread, the OP has told us about a number of occasions where she and her OH could well have been the 'problem neighbour' in another thread.

Putting on the radio at a high volume, with the windows wide open.

'working on the car' before 9.00 on a Saturday morning. 'Working on the car' can be a noisy activity in itself. If the radio is on, even more so.

Making it clear that she is standing at her front window watching her neighbour (the neighbour could have interpreted the 'waving' in that way, especially if she already feels that the OP is a problem neighbour...).

The OP's defence against the allegation about 'car music' is that the car is 30 miles away, with her husband. Yet, this morning it wasn't.

Does the car start the day and finish the day at the OP's house - with or without music - and then sit in a car park 30 miles away? Or, does the OP's OH - and the car - usually stay 30 miles away from their home.

Did the neighbour explicitly call the OP's husband 'a terrorist'? Is that the 'derogatory remark' which the OP coyly refers to at first? Or, it that the OP's interpretation of the phrase "we don't need his sort of trouble over here"?

I don't think that it's so easy to rule out the possibility that the neighbour genuinely has mental health issues - be that dementia, schizophrenia or something else. Her alleged behaviour does fit in with various diagnoses.

Equally, I don't think that it's so easy to rule out the possibility that the OP and her OH have in fact caused their neighbour some distress - albeit unknowingly.

Nor is it so easy to rule out the possibility that the OP is over-reacting.

Where have I said about working on the car on a Saturday morning?!

And with regards to the waving at her, I was at the window of our car, last night as my husband was on his way out, she was in her front window watching us with the curtain pulled back, as I was saying good bye to him.

The remarks about my husband- she's commented about this nationality before, how else should I interpret it? If he'd been black and Nigerian, would we still be having this conversation?

She's alleged there has been 'numerous' times we've come down the street with the music very loud. Not true. This week has been the first time, and the first time I've had the car on a weekday. The date the council have given as the first time it happened is impossible. We were in Ireland at the time and the car was parked at the airport. The letter doesn't give any further dates/times, but I'm suspecting more of the same. There's several people on the street that have music on coming down, perhaps she thinks its us. I don't know.

Thumper7

coolcait wrote: »

One of the advantages of being the 'OP' on any thread is that you are often given the benefit of the doubt.

So, if an OP says that one of their neighbours is the problem, that's often taken at face value.

However, on this thread, the OP has told us about a number of occasions where she and her OH could well have been the 'problem neighbour' in another thread.

Putting on the radio at a high volume, with the windows wide open.

'working on the car' before 9.00 on a Saturday morning. 'Working on the car' can be a noisy activity in itself. If the radio is on, even more so.

Making it clear that she is standing at her front window watching her neighbour (the neighbour could have interpreted the 'waving' in that way, especially if she already feels that the OP is a problem neighbour...).

The OP's defence against the allegation about 'car music' is that the car is 30 miles away, with her husband. Yet, this morning it wasn't.

Does the car start the day and finish the day at the OP's house - with or without music - and then sit in a car park 30 miles away? Or, does the OP's OH - and the car - usually stay 30 miles away from their home.

Did the neighbour explicitly call the OP's husband 'a terrorist'? Is that the 'derogatory remark' which the OP coyly refers to at first? Or, it that the OP's interpretation of the phrase "we don't need his sort of trouble over here"?

I don't think that it's so easy to rule out the possibility that the neighbour genuinely has mental health issues - be that dementia, schizophrenia or something else. Her alleged behaviour does fit in with various diagnoses.

Equally, I don't think that it's so easy to rule out the possibility that the OP and her OH have in fact caused their neighbour some distress - albeit unknowingly.

Nor is it so easy to rule out the possibility that the OP is over-reacting.

Coolcait

You know, you are more often than not a voice of reason on a lot of threads. You seem to be able to dissect a post and see it for what it is.

You may ben wrong in this instance, the neighbour might really be an old cantankerous sod, but you give posts that you comment on some perspective.

ska_lover

coolcait wrote: »

One of the advantages of being the 'OP' on any thread is that you are often given the benefit of the doubt.

So, if an OP says that one of their neighbours is the problem, that's often taken at face value.

However, on this thread, the OP has told us about a number of occasions where she and her OH could well have been the 'problem neighbour' in another thread.

Putting on the radio at a high volume, with the windows wide open.

'working on the car' before 9.00 on a Saturday morning. 'Working on the car' can be a noisy activity in itself. If the radio is on, even more so.

Making it clear that she is standing at her front window watching her neighbour (the neighbour could have interpreted the 'waving' in that way, especially if she already feels that the OP is a problem neighbour...).

The OP's defence against the allegation about 'car music' is that the car is 30 miles away, with her husband. Yet, this morning it wasn't.

Does the car start the day and finish the day at the OP's house - with or without music - and then sit in a car park 30 miles away? Or, does the OP's OH - and the car - usually stay 30 miles away from their home.

Did the neighbour explicitly call the OP's husband 'a terrorist'? Is that the 'derogatory remark' which the OP coyly refers to at first? Or, it that the OP's interpretation of the phrase "we don't need his sort of trouble over here"?

I don't think that it's so easy to rule out the possibility that the neighbour genuinely has mental health issues - be that dementia, schizophrenia or something else. Her alleged behaviour does fit in with various diagnoses.

Equally, I don't think that it's so easy to rule out the possibility that the OP and her OH have in fact caused their neighbour some distress - albeit unknowingly.

Nor is it so easy to rule out the possibility that the OP is over-reacting.

Yes some very interesting points made by Coolcait

coolcait

MentalMinnie wrote: »

Where have I said about working on the car on a Saturday morning?!

Post 21, 8.44 this morning, you talked about her coming out of the house in her nightie, to watch your OH do something with the car.

And with regards to the waving at her, I was at the window of our car, last night as my husband was on his way out, she was in her front window watching us with the curtain pulled back, as I was saying good bye to him.

If you can see exactly where she's looking, how close is your car parked to her house? Might she think that you are spying on her? If the car is parked further away, how can you be sure that she is actually looking at you, rather than just gazing out of her window?

Waving at someone? That clearly says 'I see you'. Which could be interpreted as 'I'm watching you'. It's not a good idea if there is already friction and mistrust.

The remarks about my husband- she's commented about this nationality before, how else should I interpret it? If he'd been black and Nigerian, would we still be having this conversation?

Given the recent, and current, news from Northern Ireland, and the neighbour's alleged noise phobia, she might well fear that your OH is going to start an Orange Band, and march down your street! That would also fit in with her comment about not wanting 'his kind of trouble over here'. Her attitude is prejudiced. 'Terrorist' is your word and your interpretation. You may be right in your interpretation, but you cannot say categorically that she called him a terrorist.

She's alleged there has been 'numerous' times we've come down the street with the music very loud. Not true. This week has been the first time, and the first time I've had the car on a weekday. The date the council have given as the first time it happened is impossible. We were in Ireland at the time and the car was parked at the airport. The letter doesn't give any further dates/times, but I'm suspecting more of the same. There's several people on the street that have music on coming down, perhaps she thinks its us. I don't know.

Maybe there are other people who come down the street with the music very loud. Maybe your OH is one of them. And he seems to be the one who has the car most of the time. Maybe he doesn't realise how loud the radio is. Did you?

Your neighbour may well be the problem. If you think that's the case, then keep your own diary of events .

That said, if your diary of events resembled this thread, I couldn't say where the problem actually lies.