Problem Neighbour. Thoughts?

CKhalvashi

marisco wrote: »

The way your neighbour is carrying on is not acceptable. Her conduct amounts to harassment. No-one has the right to say or do the things she has and to make a neighbour feel so intimidated. Going by your other neighbours comments and feelings towards her, this has been on going for a long time. Put a stop to it now. Phone the police and inform them of what has been going on and ask if they can have a word with her about not coming onto your property uninvited. I would also contact social services and put your concerns about this woman's state of mind to them, and see what their take on the situation is. You don't have to put up with any of this from someone that is a verbal bully, who thinks she can throw her weight around and hound people.

I'm with this.

I did have a car (parked on the drive) broken into the other week, and whilst the only thing in there to steal was a 12yr old radio, I'd rather they'd attempted to tamper with one of our two 'everyday' cars, rather than the one that can't be locked/doesn't have an alarm, occasionally, it's life.

CK

ska_lover

OP..I can understand you are getting upset here, and I can only imagine the impact this is having on your life, but PLEASE think - this old woman (as irritable as she is being) sounds highly likely to have some kind of dementia. Old age dementia is a harrowing topic. One of the neighbours has mentioned she has mental health issues..

This could be you or I one day. God willing it won't be, but you get my point.

My suggestions would be:-

1 - Keep your own diary of incidents for back up when the council contact you. Photograph her in your garden etc. Next time the council contact you tell them that she is showing symptoms of dementia and show them the proof that it is HER hassling you.

2 - Does she have any grown up children that visit her? Speak with them. They need to know what is going on and get involved esp if she is living alone.

3 - Contact social services and explain that this woman is showing signs of dementia, she may need some help?

4 - In the meantime do not give her the time of day, no speaking, no eye contact, if she knocks your door or stands in your garden, get your camera out.

This is what I would do anyway, obviously I am not living it day to day as you are but I do think you need to chill a little and have some perspective - An old lady is stood in her garden in her nightie watching your husband repair his car......just ignore her, it is not something you need to be getting upset over. Do you see what I mean, I don't mean to belittle your situation, but really I do think you are giving this far too much headspace if her standing in her front garden is causing you actual upset.

MentalMinnie

ska_lover wrote: »

OP..I can understand you are getting upset here, and I can only imagine the impact this is having on your life, but PLEASE think - this old woman (as irritable as she is being) sounds highly likely to have some kind of dementia. Old age dementia is a harrowing topic. One of the neighbours has mentioned she has mental health issues..

This could be you or I one day. God willing it won't be, but you get my point.

My suggestions would be:-

1 - Keep your own diary of incidents for back up when the council contact you. Photograph her in your garden etc. Next time the council contact you tell them that she is showing symptoms of dementia and show them the proof that it is HER hassling you.

2 - Does she have any grown up children that visit her? Speak with them. They need to know what is going on and get involved esp if she is living alone.

3 - Contact social services and explain that this woman is showing signs of dementia, she may need some help?

4 - In the meantime do not give her the time of day, no speaking, no eye contact, if she knocks your door or stands in your garden, get your camera out.

This is what I would do anyway, obviously I am not living it day to day as you are but I do think you need to chill a little and have some perspective - An old lady is stood in her garden in her nightie watching your husband repair his car......just ignore her, it is not something you need to be getting upset over. Do you see what I mean, I don't mean to belittle your situation, but really I do think you are giving this far too much headspace if her standing in her front garden is causing you actual upset.

Doubtful it's dementia to be honest. Just a poisonous old woman. She's estranged from her 2 children, they don't like her apparently.

I've spoken to the letting agent this morning, she's well known to them, as they manage several properties in the street. According to the she's also very well known to the police and has been cautioned for wasting police time.

GotToChange

MentalMinnie wrote: »

I see your point barbiedoll, but frankly I would really love nothing more than to shake her senseless, so I'm keeping my distance in case I launch a verbal attack on her the next time she collars me. Therefore, being kind isn't an option!

Really?

I know that you're getting angrier by the second but may I say that never once during all my issues with my "neighbours" end especially their insolent and agressive foster child, never once did I think that I would want to shake him, them or anybody - particularly not if that person was getting on in years, so shame on you for even thinking that and writing it here....
Again, please be careful about letting this escalate.

Even though you are understandably feeling "got at" in many ways, remember that you are the one with a clear(er) head on your side .

And, when I had my issues and raised complaints with/via the Police, it was turned round on me as I said; but what I forgot to mention was that I was the one threatened with something along the lines of an ASBO. Marvellous.

Make the best of your clearer head and deal with this calmly and - dare I say it - with some extent of understanding and tolerance.

marisco_2

I don't buy the poor little old lady with possible dementia take on this at all. To be well known to the police and to have caused upset to several neighbours over a long time period, suggests to me that she is far from being a cuddly, friendly granny type who isn't responsible for her own actions. It is plain odd for someone to stand outside in their nightie and watch someone go about their every day business.

MentalMinnie

GotToChange wrote: »

Really?

I know that you're getting angrier by the second but may I say that never once during all my issues with my "neighbours" end especially their insolent and agressive foster child, never once did I think that I would want to shake him, them or anybody - particularly not if that person was getting on in years, so shame on you for even thinking that and writing it here....
Again, please be careful about letting this escalate.

Even though you are understandably feeling "got at" in many ways, remember that you are the one with a clear(er) head on your side .

And, when I had my issues and raised complaints with/via the Police, it was turned round on me as I said; but what I forgot to mention was that I was the one threatened with something along the lines of an ASBO. Marvellous.

Make the best of your clearer head and deal with this calmly and - dare I say it - with some extent of understanding and tolerance.

Yes, really. She's called my husband a terrorist so of course I would like nothing more than to confront her. But I'm better than that, therefore I will choose to ignore her.

paulineb_2

Unfortunately its very difficult to deal with problem neighbours, but at least you have a witness. My mum is being harassed by a neighbour, well a couple, she owns her home, its an ex council house but her neighbour hasnt bought his.

She was reported to the council for feeding birds in her front garden (she does), so does the man who reported her. She got trees cut down by the next door neighbour, the man who reported her lives two doors away.
My brother was harassed, dating back 20 years now.

He screamed at one of my mums cats (he also has cats), leaving her so traumatised thats shes terrified of strangers, the next door neighbour threw a rock at another cat of my mums. They are now complaining about overhanging branches from a tree that arent overhanging even though their hedges are a complete mess and hang over the fence.

Neighbours have been doorstepped asking to join in a complaint about my mum, shes been there 38 years now.

And the final straw was when a bag of excrement (dog) was thrown in her front garden. We contacted the anti social task force last week, we were told nothing could be done for her.

Im afraid the suggestion that if you complain the council have to do something is not true. Councils often dont want to get involved, even if they have an anti social task force. I live alone so proving the harassment Ive suffered (I too have awful neighbours) is hard even though theres CCTV inside my block of flats.

I had two neighbours turn up at my door accusing me of partying, two men, it wasnt pleasant. I made it clear it wasnt me, it was actually the flat underneath them. I contacted the council to ask them to check the CCTV, they told me it was a police matter and were really rude to me. I then went to the police because I was under the impression that the housing could only check the CCTV if police were involved, thats not true, police said it was a housing matter.

I could write a book about some of the stuff Ive had to endure over the years and in 15 years plus of dealing with incidents here, one neighbour got a written warning because they were harassing me and another family so badly they moved.

Im not trying to tell you not to bother but what I am trying to tell you is that unless this situation escalates to a very serious matter, councils generally will not evict for anti social behaviour, there are less people evicted than incidents Im sure, its not easy to evict people for anti social behaviour, its easier to get someone out because they arent paying their rent.

All you can do is complete a diary, ask to see the complaints procedure and follow it, find out if theres an anti social task force team in your area, involve the police if you have to at the time of any incident as I believe when an incident is recorded the housing get notified.

And I agree, getting angry is the last thing you should do, I do know its tough because Ive been in my flat 18 years and I dont think Ive had a peaceful 6 months at a time without something happening in that time frame.

I also emailed my local councillor (didnt reply), MP, my MP replied and said he doesnt deal with housing issues, but yours might. You can contact your MP through the site fax your mp or fax my mp, not sure which.

FatVonD

I'm with marisco on this one, you need to raise concerns about HER behaviour with the letting agents, social services, the council and even the Police if necessary if she continues to harass you.

aileth

You could always offer for the council to install noise monitoring equipment just to prove you're squeaky clean. My parents have a psycho next door who refers them for stupid things like washing machine noise (which no one else can hear). They offered to the council to install the equipment and the complaint went quiet.

paulineb_2

FatVonD wrote: »

I'm with marisco on this one, you need to raise concerns about HER behaviour with the letting agents, social services, the council and even the Police if necessary if she continues to harass you.

Im not sure what social services could do to be honest unless this is an issue where the woman needs support in her own home as shes not coping.