Can narcissists change?

pukkamum

I have noticed so many posts about narcissists on here and I have 2 close relations that show 9 out 9 of the characteristics said to indicate narcissistic personality disorder.
One of my relations I have no real relationship with and no wish to have, the other however, I am very close to.
So my question is can they change, is there anything I can do to help them change, if not how do I live with it?
Personal experiences and advice welcome.

csnann

They may be able tochange but its unlikely that they will. In my experience, narcissistic people are perfectly happy with the way they are, there is nothing you can say or do that will have any effect on their personality. The best way to deal with one is to keep away from them.

pukkamum

csnann wrote: »

They may be able tochange but its unlikely that they will. In my experience, narcissistic people are perfectly happy with the way they are, there is nothing you can say or do that will have any effect on their personality. The best way to deal with one is to keep away from them.

I totally understand where you are coming from but the one close to me is very close, I love her and her children as do my children and I want to maintain a relationship.
I hope others can tell me if they manage it and how!

Manchee

The problem with the true narcissist is that they don't believe and cannot accept that anything is wrong with the way they are or the way they act, it is everyone else with the issue. From my understanding this means that even if you seem to convince them that they need help, the acceptance of the problem is only ever surface deep, and only ever expressed as a way of brushing the 'problem' away.

I have known a couple of people I thought of as being narcissistic, and I know I currently work with one.

Narcissism is really quite an interesting subject.

sassyblue

I think they could change if they accepted they had a problem and did something about it. But l also agree with manchee and think these people would be very reluctant to think the problem lies with THEM.

My sister is a narcissist and there's no way she will ever change, she WANTS to be a victim and positively thrives on being one!

pukkamum

Manchee wrote: »

The problem with the true narcissist is that they don't believe and cannot accept that anything is wrong with the way they are or the way they act, it is everyone else with the issue. From my understanding this means that even if you seem to convince them that they need help, the acceptance of the problem is only ever surface deep, and only ever expressed as a way of brushing the 'problem' away.

I have known a couple of people I thought of as being narcissistic, and I know I currently work with one.

Narcissism is really quite an interesting subject.

Yes it is very interesting, I have been reading about it and read one theory that the narcissist had a childhood trauma that left them at the emotional age they were when the trauma hit, this certainly fits with both the narcissists I know, but am sure it is not the case for all.
I am also so worried abouth her children, what does being raised by a narcissist do to a child, how can I help prevent the damage?

pukkamum

sassyblue wrote: »

I think they could change if they accepted they had a problem and did something about it. But l also agree with manchee and think these people would be very reluctant to think the problem lies with THEM.

My sister is a narcissist and there's no way she will ever change, she WANTS to be a victim and positively thrives on being one!

It is my sister I refer to, do you have a relationship with yours?
I have recently started to talk to mine again after a big fall out, for which she didn't apologise but hey ho.
I want to be close to her, it terrifies me that she will follow in our fathers footsteps and alienate her whole family, yet I will no longer pander to her whims, demands and tantrums.
So how do I assert myself without another war?
Is it even possible?

jacques_chirac

Narcissistic personality disorder, also known as being self obsessed. It really doesn't need to be dressed up as a mental illness, just a negative personality trait.

pukkamum

jacques_chirac wrote: »

Narcissistic personality disorder, also known as being self obsessed. It really doesn't need to be dressed up as a mental illness, just a negative personality trait.

I too thought that it is just a nasty personality but the duality of it, one minute charming, generous, lovely etc, the next minute screaming banshee, strikes me as more than just a personality trait, I'm not saying I would describe it as mental illness but perhaps it is?

Manchee

jacques_chirac wrote: »

Narcissistic personality disorder, also known as being self obsessed. It really doesn't need to be dressed up as a mental illness, just a negative personality trait.

Its in the name, its a personality disorder, aka a mental health disorder. Being 'self obsessed' is only a part of NPD. Thats like saying the flu is just a cold. I think any illness, especially invisible illnesses, deserved to be treated with respect, and the individuals suffering from them don't deserve to be brushed under the carpet. Shame on this kind of attitude.

stir_crazy

pukkamum wrote: »

I too thought that it is just a nasty personality but the duality of it, one minute charming, generous, lovely etc, the next minute screaming banshee, strikes me as more than just a personality trait, I'm not saying I would describe it as mental illness but perhaps it is?

My dad has 4 brothers and sisters and I would say that 4 out of the 5 of them are narcissists to varying degrees.

It's now come to a head between myself and my dad where I'm not sure if we can really have a good relationship any more. The last time we spoke he said some awful things and I know that he's expecting me to come round again and act like nothing happened.