Confidence

michael243

Lieja wrote: »

You really should go and have a chat with your GP. They deal with this stuff all the time, and you'll feel better as soon as you've spoken to someone about it who can understand what's happening.

You sound similar to me when it comes to speaking - I used to wonder why I wasn't like everyone else; why I was never 'part of the group' or why I never had anything to say when everyone else did. It took a while (and some brilliant support) for me to realise that EVERYONE feels badly about themselves in one way or another, and that the only person judging me harshly was me. You need to really embrace who YOU are, and feel good about what makes you different. You are clearly very intelligent - and I can tell you from my experience of working to get young people into employment - 19 year old's who are able to express themselves well in an interview are very few and far between!

I really cant speak to anybody in person about it, this is the first place I have opened up about this in a while.

Honestly it seems I am my biggest enemy, I hope to sort this myself with professional help but it doesnt seem I have the belief to do that.

I wouldnt say I am intelligent at all, as if I was surely I would of been able to help myself by now.

Never been to a interview but keep missing them as I get very scared at the last moment then not attend.

hgotsparkle

michael243 wrote: »

It has been a long time since somebody has said something good about me, thanks

If I had to choose something about myself it would be that I am a nice person and happy to help the people I can speak to.

I need to have a step by step plan which I am comfortable with, and I am sure I will be able to crack it and be "normal"

Thanks for seeming to believe that I can change, it helps me that other people believe I can

Now just for me to believe that I can

If you like to help people and you seem to be a very careful, courteous person, then why not volunteer for a charity? Something like walk in centres, where you will be able to help people but at the same time, talking to people will help your confidence grow.

heartbreak_star

What's the worst that could happen in the gym? *bemused*

If nothing else, vow to go for a half-hour walk EVERY day, and stick to it The exercise will help, and it means you're getting out and about. Say hello to people on the walk.

Agree with "fake it till you make it" - I'm still faking it, but I'm getting there

HBS x

fashionlover10

I can really relate to how you feel. I have panic disorder which has just come back full force after about 18 months of me being in 'remission'.

I'm in a happy relationship, was doing great at work, get on really well with my colleagues etc and then the panic attacks just decided to rear their head again. Now every morning is a struggle. The thought of leaving the house makes me feels physically sick. I went to my GP and was put on beta-blockers and have been referred for counselling.

I would give anything to just be my old self again so I would really advise you to get some help before this becomes more of a problem than it is. At the moment your social anxiety definitely sounds manageable, please don't let it get any worse. Go and see your GP. They won't laugh or judge you, they're there to help you.

Another thing I would advise is if your friends ask you to go out and you don't feel you can face it don't just say No. Explain to them why it's a problem otherwise they'll think they've done something or you're being rude and will just walk away and at this time in your life you need as much support as you can get.

meritaten

I have been thinking about you Michael and really - the advice you have been given has been excellent. perhaps a bit varied and a lot for you to get your head around.
One thing that does come through your posts is that you self-sabotage I think. You agonise over matters until you have got yourself in such a state - your worst fears come true! This I think is where you need to control your thinking. You cannot seem to imagine a situation where you meet someone and they like you! where conversation flows smoothly and you leave feeling good! This is where counselling CAN help! a good counsellor can draw the real you out and help you. as you are not working at the moment I hesitate to recommend a Therapist specialising in NLP. they usually do confidence building too - but can be expensive per session. I am not sure if one would be available on the NHS - that is something to ask your GP.

michael243

Thanks for the help everybody, I need the support right now.

There has been some really good replies and suggestions, I shall try the ones I believe I can do.

Over the few hours, I have officially lost my job and agreed finally to go out after 4PM, It will either be tomorrow or monday, depending on when my best mate is free to go, not sure where to yet but I think anywhere will help, just got to stick to my word of saying I will go instead of saying no and just sitting here in front of my computer wasting my life away.

I shall update with how it went, if anybody wants to know

:hello:

quietheart

"I shall update with how it went, if anybody wants to know"

Of course people want to know! How many replies and views has this thread got?!:j
One of the things you could work on online is not letting your negative /low self esteem feelings come through. It will feel unnatural at first but just try and stick to the positive. "I shall update with how it went". Language is such a powerful tool and effects how you feel as well as others. It's more sub-conscious than you realise. You need to believe in yourself first before anyone else can. It's not easy but you've got a lot going for you and seriously don't worry about the grey hairs, we all love a silver fox!
Btw way I think CBT would work wonders for you and your gp may be able to arrange that. I've had it and it helped more than I could believe. I'm still over-anxious but it's now manageable.
All the best!

michael243

quietheart wrote: »

"I shall update with how it went, if anybody wants to know"

Of course people want to know! How many replies and views has this thread got?!:j
One of the things you could work on online is not letting your negative /low self esteem feelings come through. It will feel unnatural at first but just try and stick to the positive. "I shall update with how it went". Language is such a powerful tool and effects how you feel as well as others. It's more sub-conscious than you realise. You need to believe in yourself first before anyone else can. It's not easy but you've got a lot going for you and seriously don't worry about the grey hairs, we all love a silver fox!
Btw way I think CBT would work wonders for you and your gp may be able to arrange that. I've had it and it helped more than I could believe. I'm still over-anxious but it's now manageable.
All the best!

Sorry, it something I have gotten used to, I have been called an very emotional person a few times before which is probably true, like I was reading another thread on here yesterday, it brought a tear to my eye BUT for a good reason

Yeah I need to believe in myself before trying to get this sorted and feel better about myself then I do.

Regarding the grey hairs, I think the problem is everybody who is my age who I have met has none unless they dye their hair

I want to try without professional help for a little bit longer to see if I can do it myself.

Thanks

heartbreak_star

Grey hairs? I had a massive grey streak at 19.

Everybody else noticed before me, but that's because everyone else is taller than me. At 34, I'm now pondering stopping dying my hair...but I don't want to see how big the grey streak's got :rotfl:

Professional help might get you there quicker. Good luck!

HBS x

morganedge

you sound a fair bit like me and I've got about 10 years on you!

I've never had any treatment though, partly because i'm too nervous to make an appointment with the GP about my anxiety issues.
I think maybe i'd need 2 seperate medications. 1 for general anxiety, and one for stressful situations like exams/interviews etc? Maybe betablockers too?

I'm OK with things like going out for a beer with friends, so in certain respects I don't seem to have social phobia, but other situations kick my anxiety into overdrive.

I also don't look at mirrors. I don't like the way I look.
It's funny. When me and friends are walking together, and there's a big mirror near us, every one of my friends will admire themselves in the mirror and do their hair etc, whereas i'll be the only one looking straight ahead, actively avoiding my reflection! lol

Someone earlier said ''what's the worst that can happen at a gym?''.
I can't answer for the OP, but when I am feeling particularly low on confidence, EVERYTHING seems like a nerve-racking experience with the potential to make me feel stupid.
When I have a job interview, I get nervous about things like not being able to open the door properly and having the receptionist think i'm a complete moron! (I always have bad luck with them doors at building where someone buzzes you through).
At a gym, i'd be nervous about getting lost or something! I have AWFUL bearings, and could get lost in a small flat!

I also lost my job recently, and I don't have any confidence to get a new one. I can't handle job interviews. My mind goes completely blank, and the whole experience is usually mortifying!

As you can see, i'm a mess too, and so really can't offer much advice.

If you can muster the courage up, I think speaking to your Doctor would really be helpful, and maybe put you on an even keel as it were...