Confidence

michael243

I could write a long post out but I dont want to bore everybody

A quick intro

19 year old male, with hardly any confidence.

I have convinced myself that going out is quite a scary thing to do, something somewhere made me scared of going out. I have lost quite a few "friends" from not going out at all.

The odd thing is I can speak to some people but not others, no idea how that works but anyways, I just want to gain more confidence to be able to go out, have fun and be "normal" as everybody tells me I should be.

Also I think seeing all the friends I have left are in relationships has hurt my confidence and self belief

I dont quite know what else to say :wall:

I just want help

Thanks for taking the time to read this

hgotsparkle

You need to just push yourself to go out. Don't care what anyone else thinks, go out for a stroll, sit in a cafe for a while.Its not going to get any better unless you put yourself outside of your comfort zone.I used to hate going in busy areas such as cities, then one day, I got up and decided I was going to drive to the city (which city driving is my idea of hell), park up and just walk around for a few hours.Since I did that, I go quite regularly now and love going out either by myself or for a meal with friends. Just don't care what other people will think of you whilst you're out, more than likely they won't even be paying attention to you. Just get yourself out there!

michael243

hgotsparkle wrote: »

You need to just push yourself to go out. Don't care what anyone else thinks, go out for a stroll, sit in a cafe for a while.Its not going to get any better unless you put yourself outside of your comfort zone.I used to hate going in busy areas such as cities, then one day, I got up and decided I was going to drive to the city (which city driving is my idea of hell), park up and just walk around for a few hours.Since I did that, I go quite regularly now and love going out either by myself or for a meal with friends. Just don't care what other people will think of you whilst you're out, more than likely they won't even be paying attention to you. Just get yourself out there!

Honestly you picked up on one of my main issues, I do care a lot about what people think of me, I wish I never but I do, It just getting the belief that it wont mess up, I just feel stupid.

DomRavioli

Hi there,

Firstly, thank you for posting. It takes a lot of bravery to bare your soul on an online forum

Secondly, please see your GP and explain that you are having what sounds like anxiety problems - they are there to help you - and ask if you have a GP who specialises in this area, as some are less than sympathetic to mental health issues and we don't want you feeling any worse.

Anxiety is perfectly normal, but sounds like you might have a little more than the normal person. I also have anxiety issues, and am having therapy, as well as medication but these were my choices and are not for everyone, especially the medication.

Here's hoping you feel a little better soon, and don't ever feel like you're alone - there's always someone to help.

michael243

DomRavioli wrote: »

Hi there,

Firstly, thank you for posting. It takes a lot of bravery to bare your soul on an online forum

Secondly, please see your GP and explain that you are having what sounds like anxiety problems - they are there to help you - and ask if you have a GP who specialises in this area, as some are less than sympathetic to mental health issues and we don't want you feeling any worse.

Anxiety is perfectly normal, but sounds like you might have a little more than the normal person. I also have anxiety issues, and am having therapy, as well as medication but these were my choices and are not for everyone, especially the medication.

Here's hoping you feel a little better soon, and don't ever feel like you're alone - there's always someone to help.

Honestly, one of the reasons I posted here was to try and get help from people who dont know me so that they dont see me in a different light and think oh he cant go out as he such and such as its happened a few times before, one thing I cant do is tell anybody about this face to face it just makes me close up and look at the floor, I am just really scared of being like this forever

Thanks for the kind words

penguingirl

You could ask your GP to refer you to your local IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) service, or self-refer if it's available in your area- check your area here http://www.iapt.nhs.uk/services/services/ . They can provide support with anxiety difficulties and should be able to help you.

heartbreak_star

Agree with a visit to the GP - good luck, OP!

HBS x

tattycath

Hi Michael. How did things go with your job? Have you still got it or did they let you go in the end?

FBaby

michael243 wrote: »

Honestly you picked up on one of my main issues, I do care a lot about what people think of me, I wish I never but I do, It just getting the belief that it wont mess up, I just feel stupid.

This is what you need to work on. Amazingly (it might seem) people are much more attracted to people with confidence (but not arrogance) rather than people who do what is expected. It is people with great confidence who start unexpected trend that would have been laughed out before.

Remember that what people think of you or act upon is a reflection of themselves, not you. The saying 'to be loved you need to love yourself first' is cliche but yet so true.

One good start is to concentrate on what could be the worse that could happen. You go out, you say or do something very silly, all your friends laugh at you, you go home and feel miserable....which is very much where you are now, so the worse is not worse than what it is now. Try to be yourself, unless you are naturally very unpleasant, annoying, boring, selfish, arrogant, there is no reason why you won't find friends who appreciate you (and even with some of these traits!). Maybe you could start with going with small groups of friends, even maybe only one and go from there rather than mixing in with a gang. Take it slowly and just concentrate on having fun for yourself rather than being fun for the others.

michael243

tattycath wrote: »

Hi Michael. How did things go with your job? Have you still got it or did they let you go in the end?

I kept it till Thursday when they sacked me once again

I need a new job, but too scared to go to a interview, so kind of stuffed for a while till I can gain some confidence to go

michael243

FBaby wrote: »

This is what you need to work on. Amazingly (it might seem) people are much more attracted to people with confidence (but not arrogance) rather than people who do what is expected. It is people with great confidence who start unexpected trend that would have been laughed out before.

Remember that what people think of you or act upon is a reflection of themselves, not you. The saying 'to be loved you need to love yourself first' is cliche but yet so true.

One good start is to concentrate on what could be the worse that could happen. You go out, you say or do something very silly, all your friends laugh at you, you go home and feel miserable....which is very much where you are now, so the worse is not worse than what it is now. Try to be yourself, unless you are naturally very unpleasant, annoying, boring, selfish, arrogant, there is no reason why you won't find friends who appreciate you (and even with some of these traits!). Maybe you could start with going with small groups of friends, even maybe only one and go from there rather than mixing in with a gang. Take it slowly and just concentrate on having fun for yourself rather than being fun for the others.

Thanks for the reply, I just dont want to try and do anything that could take more away from me as I did have a little more confidence but lost that since then, I think everything that has happened form losing "friends" to what has happened with my job as really dented the confidence I did have.

One of my friends asked me to go cinema, I straight away said NO but I think I might go now, even through I hate it there, too many people around.

I hope to fix myself without the need to see a GP as it makes me feel worse about myself talking to somebody as I just look at the floor and say nothing at all.