Confidence

michael243

Debrac wrote: »

Give yourself small, achievable goals e.g. smile at one person you don't know (this can be a cashier in a shop or someone you pass in the street). When you have done this a couple of times, try speaking to someone you don't know - this could be just a simple "hello" to a shop assistant or a comment about the weather "crikey, it's warm today isn't it?" or saying "thank you" to someone who holds a door open for you etc.

At first you will feel self conscious but by forcing yourself to do these little things, you will find you are less uncomfortable doing them.

I was very quiet and shy when I was younger and felt like everyone could tell I was nervous, but as I got older I learnt how to act confidently, even when I was shaking inside. Try it - honestly just hold your head up high and focus on a point in the distance when you are walking. It's all just about bluffing your way through it!

Good luck!

One thing I am not good at is hiding the fact I am scared and nervous, if I am in a situation that I am scared and nervous I will just look at the floor and all I can think about is what they are thinking about what I am doing why I am not speaking etc

I hate that I am 19 and like this, it really ruins everything I want to do but it seems that with age it should be sorted, I just dont want to be that person that just sits at home watching TV by themselves with no friends or hope in life which is where I seem to be heading.

I think it stresses me a lot as I now have quite a lot of grey hairs which nobody my age I have which lots of people comment about which kind of hurts but it true.

I have got to find a new job now so hopefully that will help me

meritaten

michael243 wrote: »

One thing I am not good at is hiding the fact I am scared and nervous, if I am in a situation that I am scared and nervous I will just look at the floor and all I can think about is what they are thinking about what I am doing why I am not speaking etc

I hate that I am 19 and like this, it really ruins everything I want to do but it seems that with age it should be sorted, I just dont want to be that person that just sits at home watching TV by themselves with no friends or hope in life which is where I seem to be heading.

I think it stresses me a lot as I now have quite a lot of grey hairs which nobody my age I have which lots of people comment about which kind of hurts but it true.

I have got to find a new job now so hopefully that will help me

What you think mirrors are for? practise! keep practising and keep a sort of fantasy in your head when you meet peeps. you look up and in their eye then shake hands and you can look away then back up and assure them ' its lovely to meet you'!
they may even ask you a question - listen and answer it!
usually they are mostly thinking of moving on and who else they are meeting! if you are really tongue tied just dip your head! they will move on.

michael243

double_mummy wrote: »

pop down to milton keynes i will make sure you go out!

hubby is very similar and we have had to slowly build his confidence over many many years starting with little things but i can so proudly say that after 8 years of lots of hard work on both our parts he has a job interview next week (YAY) start small -chatting to people online in a group, then chat to someone one on one then something you enjoy doing (think hubbys first one was fishing) so we went to go buy his fishy licence thingy together and he did all the talking - are there any interest groups around you for things you enjoy?

when you are at a shop ask how the cashier is - ask someone for help (even if you already know where the thing is eg excuse me where is the nearest newsagents) - wave at bus going past - all little things that can make a big difference

write down a list at the end of the day of everything you did that day that scared you and underneath in big letters write I DID THIS

by coming here you have taken a massive step and i hope you are proud of yourself because i am proud of you

and as lostinrates said not only does the way you present yourself here make you interesting it also makes you highly employable and to the right woman (or man whichever you prefer) highly attractive

As of yet my best friend hasnt managed me to go out other then to town.

I did have a couple job interviews, never showed up to any through as I backed out at the last moment as I couldnt face it

Honestly I dont enjoy anything now as I have incased myself in this hole that I dont seem to enjoy anything, or the hobbies I had I got bored of and now dont have them at all.

I am fine speaking with people that I have known for years, and the odd person I have just met which I find really odd and quite annoying

I need to write a daily list for things I want to do like look at myself in the mirror when I wake up, go out to the shop etc

I think everybody about me, has made me dislike myself further as they all can speak and seem to be much happier then me and all in relationships.

lostinrates

michael243 wrote: »

One thing I am not good at is hiding the fact I am scared and nervous, if I am in a situation that I am scared and nervous I will just look at the floor and all I can think about is what they are thinking about what I am doing why I am not speaking etc

I hate that I am 19 and like this, it really ruins everything I want to do but it seems that with age it should be sorted, I just dont want to be that person that just sits at home watching TV by themselves with no friends or hope in life which is where I seem to be heading.

I think it stresses me a lot as I now have quite a lot of grey hairs which nobody my age I have which lots of people comment about which kind of hurts but it true.

I have got to find a new job now so hopefully that will help me

Firstly, a fair few nineteen nineteen year olds have some grey hairs. My sister in law did. Honestly, it makes people no less attractive, particularly men.

As for 'having this sorted' at your age, well, goodness, for a start I don't think many people do (although I think lots of people SEEM like they do) and many people don't really start to challenge themselves on their lack of confidence until they are older, so I think you actually are ahead if the curve in some ways..

You have really had some great advice. The exercise one is very good, do you exercise (exercise in team sports is also a great way to become confident with body language around people) and also, it might be worth considering your diet and whether you eat well and healthily.

marisco_2

michael243 wrote: »

Hmm how I feel about myself

I feel that I am a boring person but willing to try to help the people I know. Right now I dont have much to offer at all

You don't come across as a boring person with nothing to offer at all on here. Throughout this thread you have shown yourself to be a thoughtful individual, well able to articulate your feelings and opinions. You have politely taken on board other posters advice and have the foresight to recognise the benefits of their suggestions. You are keeping an open mind and trying to find a positive way forward.

You also have an awareness about you and value how you project yourself and are viewed by others. That is a great trait to possess, way better than going through life in a rash fashion not caring what people think of you. I think you underestimate yourself and how much other people would appreciate getting to know you.

michael243

lostinrates wrote: »

Firstly, a fair few nineteen nineteen year olds have some grey hairs. My sister in law did. Honestly, it makes people no less attractive, particularly men.

As for 'having this sorted' at your age, well, goodness, for a start I don't think many people do (although I think lots of people SEEM like they do) and many people don't really start to challenge themselves on their lack of confidence until they are older, so I think you actually are ahead if the curve in some ways..

You have really had some great advice. The exercise one is very good, do you exercise (exercise in team sports is also a great way to become confident with body language around people) and also, it might be worth considering your diet and whether you eat well and healthily.

Sorry I am confused about what is happening with me, I dont know when other people sort it out I only know about myself and how I am trying to sort it.

You are right about the advice, thanks everybody

I shall think about the gym, but not too much as I will start to think of all the worse things that could happen

michael243

marisco wrote: »

You don't come across as a boring person with nothing to offer at all on here. Throughout this thread you have shown yourself to be a thoughtful individual, well able to articulate your feelings and opinions. You have politely taken on board other posters advice and have the foresight to recognise the benefits of their suggestions. You are keeping an open mind and trying to find a positive way forward.

You also have an awareness about you and value how you project yourself and are viewed by others. That is a great trait to possess, way better than going through life in a rash fashion not caring what people think of you. I think you underestimate yourself and how much other people would appreciate getting to know you.

Thanks, this is how I was raised by my parents, I take the advice as it could help me change and be how I want to be.

Honestly I just want people not to take the !!!! and ask me why I aint speaking, cant go out etc. As its quite hurtful for me to hear and has made me just walk away and sit somewhere and just cry that I cant do something as simple as speaking, I think I need my self belief back in order for me to gain the confidence to be the person I want to be

passatrider

Hi mate,

I think you may have a Social Anxiety Disorder - AKA Social Phobia. Google these and see whether your symptoms match or not?

michael243

passatrider wrote: »

Hi mate,

I think you may have a Social Anxiety Disorder - AKA Social Phobia. Google these and see whether your symptoms match or not?

Thanks for the reply

Quite a few of the symptoms I have just found I have, which doesnt sound too great for me

Lieja

You really should go and have a chat with your GP. They deal with this stuff all the time, and you'll feel better as soon as you've spoken to someone about it who can understand what's happening.

You sound similar to me when it comes to speaking - I used to wonder why I wasn't like everyone else; why I was never 'part of the group' or why I never had anything to say when everyone else did. It took a while (and some brilliant support) for me to realise that EVERYONE feels badly about themselves in one way or another, and that the only person judging me harshly was me. You need to really embrace who YOU are, and feel good about what makes you different. You are clearly very intelligent - and I can tell you from my experience of working to get young people into employment - 19 year old's who are able to express themselves well in an interview are very few and far between!