Confidence

michael243

quietheart wrote: »

Hi Michael
You sound like a lovely guy. You just don't know it yet!
You are very polite, you communicate your message clearly and you are very self-aware (I wish more folk were!)
If you had to choose something that you like about yourself, what would it be? You can't say nothing by the way! Just one thing, even if your toes aren't too bad.
You need to work on a gentle programme on increasing your confidence slowly and realising you aren't too bad after all.
I think an earlier suggestion of making friends online is a good starting point. There's much less pressure that way.
I think you've got a really strong foundation to work on and you want to do something about your confidence issues and that is the first step.
Best of luck!

It has been a long time since somebody has said something good about me, thanks

If I had to choose something about myself it would be that I am a nice person and happy to help the people I can speak to.

I need to have a step by step plan which I am comfortable with, and I am sure I will be able to crack it and be "normal"

Thanks for seeming to believe that I can change, it helps me that other people believe I can

Now just for me to believe that I can

lostinrates

michael243 wrote: »

Hmm how I feel about myself

I feel that I am a boring person but willing to try to help the people I know. Right now I dont have much to offer at all.

One thing I need to do is go out and take a more serious approach, as just hiding away isnt helping it just I need the self belief to go out and believe it wont be as bad as I now believe.

It hard to see people younger then me who do believe in themselves and have the confidence to go out to where ever it is they want to go to.

One day I will overcome it, but its one step at a time until then

Thanks

You ARE very eloquent.

You say you are boring, but a serious, eloquent and thoughtful person is immediately interesting to me. These are attributes to be proud of. I'd say they are attributes you could consider 'something to offer', potentially and in different ways, in both a professional and a personal situation.



Did you manage to phone the GP surgery about a telephone appointment?

michael243

lostinrates wrote: »

You ARE very eloquent.

You say you are boring, but a serious, eloquent and thoughtful person is immediately interesting to me. These are attributes to be proud of. I'd say they are attributes you could consider 'something to offer', potentially and in different ways, in both a professional and a personal situation.



Did you manage to phone the GP surgery about a telephone appointment?

I have had to google a few words today, as I have never heard of them before, at least I learnt some new words today :T

I think I help them but I dont believe I can help myself, which is quite odd

Also no as I had to do something, I dont want to through as It hard to speak about my problems in person

lostinrates

michael243 wrote: »

I have had to google a few words today, as I have never heard of them before, at least I learnt some new words today :T

I think I help them but I dont believe I can help myself, which is quite odd

Also no as I had to do something, I dont want to through as It hard to speak about my problems in person

Ok, if you don't think you could talk about your problems in person how about an appointment where you take a print out of this thread and just say, ' I can't talk about it, but it says it all here?'

And the GP will read it?

(It would help if you highlighted your posts if you did that, so he can read just your posts because the appointment time needs to be best focused on your needs)

(If you are wondering how I know all these GP tech niches it is because I am actually very confident but I DO have a phobia of doctors, particularly GPs!, not terribly helpful as I have to see them a fair bit. so I have a few different ways of dealing with different problems. One is I take telephone appointments, the other is I prefer walk in centres or out of hours care at my surgery to normal surgeries, (although this is less good for ongoing care) the best for me is to go with my husband. you might have one person who you could trust to come with you?)

michael243

lostinrates wrote: »

Ok, if you don't think you could talk about your problems in person how about an appointment where you take a print out of this thread and just say, ' I can't talk about it, but it says it all here?'

And the GP will read it?

Is that even possible for that to happen :eek:

Debrac

Give yourself small, achievable goals e.g. smile at one person you don't know (this can be a cashier in a shop or someone you pass in the street). When you have done this a couple of times, try speaking to someone you don't know - this could be just a simple "hello" to a shop assistant or a comment about the weather "crikey, it's warm today isn't it?" or saying "thank you" to someone who holds a door open for you etc.

At first you will feel self conscious but by forcing yourself to do these little things, you will find you are less uncomfortable doing them.

I was very quiet and shy when I was younger and felt like everyone could tell I was nervous, but as I got older I learnt how to act confidently, even when I was shaking inside. Try it - honestly just hold your head up high and focus on a point in the distance when you are walking. It's all just about bluffing your way through it!

Good luck!

lostinrates

michael243 wrote: »

Is that even possible for that to happen :eek:

If you want it to. Then you just have to force out the one sentence, .

Doctors are used to dealing with this sort of issue and they are used to it being hard for people going to them with it.

double_mummy

pop down to milton keynes i will make sure you go out!

hubby is very similar and we have had to slowly build his confidence over many many years starting with little things but i can so proudly say that after 8 years of lots of hard work on both our parts he has a job interview next week (YAY) start small -chatting to people online in a group, then chat to someone one on one then something you enjoy doing (think hubbys first one was fishing) so we went to go buy his fishy licence thingy together and he did all the talking - are there any interest groups around you for things you enjoy?

when you are at a shop ask how the cashier is - ask someone for help (even if you already know where the thing is eg excuse me where is the nearest newsagents) - wave at bus going past - all little things that can make a big difference

write down a list at the end of the day of everything you did that day that scared you and underneath in big letters write I DID THIS

by coming here you have taken a massive step and i hope you are proud of yourself because i am proud of you

and as lostinrates said not only does the way you present yourself here make you interesting it also makes you highly employable and to the right woman (or man whichever you prefer) highly attractive

Lieja

My partner had exactly your problem at exactly your age.

He couldn't go outside, so couldn't work. He lost a lot of friends, and felt terribly about himself and really worried about what people thought of him. He was bullied badly at school, left at 15, and when he went back at 17 he became the 'clown' to make up for it. At 19 he became totally introverted, and suffered with anxiety and depression.

His mum eventually called a doctor to the house, and he was referred to a mental health nurse who worked with him for a while and eventually got him to go out again.

He got a job as a bouncer, and has done that successfully ever since. He knows that this is his way of fighting back at the bullies, and proving to himself that he is capable of something. He still struggles with depression sometimes, and he says the biggest thing that keeps his mind calm is exercise. He goes to the gym around 5 days a week. Have you thought of using exercise as a way of both helping with your anxiety and your confidence issues?

I also suffer with depression and self esteem issues - I hate the gym but nothing makes me feel as good as a long walk in lovely countryside.

meritaten

if anyone who knows me now would believe I was 'shy'! I was, painfully. and someone told me 'fake it til you make it'. and I took that advice. I studied how the 'popular' walked into rooms, how they interacted (keep eye contact and make that person believe that they are only one you are interested in'! sort of how a politician 'works' a room. don't slink into rooms! make an entrance! don't dress to disappear into the background! dress to impress! or wear all black!
and 'press the flesh'! meaning make skin contact - shake hands or put your hand on their arm - nothing else or you will give the WRONG impression.
look into peoples eyes but don't stare - and don't drop your eyes down their bodies - that's a NoNo!
be INTERESTED in them! respond to what they are saying. and try to relax!