Confidence

michael243

hgotsparkle wrote: »

Try this, go to your nearest town, observe people who you think appear to be confident and note how they walk, and what they look at as they walk around. You will see that they will walk tall and look straight ahead; not noticing other people and definitely not judging anyone.This is what you need to do.Never be scared of being judged, those who judge are the most cowardice of people.

I have done that before, there is quite a difference, they walk and look at their eye level and I walk around looking at the floor

michael243

JanCee wrote: »

Start saying "yes" to invites, even things you don't really like doing. Saying no all the time becomes habit forming and eventually the friends you do have will stop asking.

I met my husband on a night out I really didn't want to go on. I only went out that particular night as a favour to a friend who wanted to go clubbing and didn't have anyone else to go with.

I have lost a couple of "friends" by saying now, I am now down to 3, I know if I carry on saying no I will have none then

bitemebankers

michael243 wrote: »

Well put it this way out of everybody I know, I am the quietest one by a long distance

Thing is, that in itself is fine. It just means you're an introvert and there's nothing at all wrong with that.

and I honestly dont know what has made me fall back down like this what I used to be before I got more confidence and now its back to before then

But this bit does make me wonder if it would be worth your while having a quiet word with your GP. If social anxiety is getting in the way of stuff you want to do with your life, that's something they can help with.

And, as lostinrates says, seeing your GP is just one part of building more social confidence. Another way is to connect with people who share the same interests/hobbies as you. The internet is a great way to find like-minded people and as you live in a major city, this should be relatively easy to do. It probably feels like a big leap from when you are right now, so just take it one step at a time.

michael243

bitemebankers wrote: »

Thing is, that in itself is fine. It just means you're an introvert and there's nothing at all wrong with that.



But this bit does make me wonder if it would be worth your while having a quiet word with your GP. If social anxiety is getting in the way of stuff you want to do with your life, that's something they can help with.

And, as lostinrates says, seeing your GP is just one part of building more social confidence. Another way is to connect with people who share the same interests/hobbies as you. The internet is a great way to find like-minded people and as you live in a major city, this should be relatively easy to do. It probably feels like a big leap from when you are right now, so just take it one step at a time.

Thanks, it needs to be one step at a time, I need to not take it too far at a time so that I dont get very scared and close up and walk away

lostinrates

michael243 wrote: »

Thanks for the long reply, it a little hard to read it all so if I miss anything out sorry

I have read a few self help books all that happens is I get angry that I am like this and reading things that sound to help but in reality with me they dont at all.

I cant remember last time I had a natural high about anything :eek:

I cant look in my mirror at all, I just look away instead, I have decided I hate how I look which honestly is stupid but I do so cant really help it, I think being called things like ugly and freak hasnt helped but it how some people are they want to hurt people for no reason.

I just want to be more happy about myself, be able to go out and not be afraid of what COULD happen

You can feel like that. You probably need to give your self time and get yourself some help though. As well as working on it yourself.

Michael, the natural high reference, are you using drugs too?

michael243

lostinrates wrote: »

You can feel like that. You probably need to give your self time and get yourself some help though. As well as working on it yourself.

Michael, the natural high reference, are you using drugs too?

Yeah I understand that

NOPE never taken drugs and never will

hgotsparkle

JanCee wrote: »

Start saying "yes" to invites, even things you don't really like doing. Saying no all the time becomes habit forming and eventually the friends you do have will stop asking.

I met my husband on a night out I really didn't want to go on. I only went out that particular night as a favour to a friend who wanted to go clubbing and didn't have anyone else to go with.

That happened to me also, I had agreed to go on a date, really didn't want to go, once I was on my way I was very close to texting to cancel but decided to go and just see what happened. We now live together, are extremely happy and I wouldn't have it any other way.The only way you'll get over this is by not having any reservations and saying yes to everything.

marisco_2

I think it is great that you have found the confidence to come on here and ask for advice over something that troubles you.

Taking everything else out of the equation for the moment, how do you feel about yourself? By liking and acknowledging all you have to offer, you invite people to appreciate and want to get to know you. By respecting yourself and understanding your worth, you invite people to respect and value you? They way you view yourself is subconsciously portrayed to others. Working on your own self-esteem may help you to feel more at ease around other people.

At your age I was extremely shy and lacked confidence in my abilities to mix and socialise too. It reached the stage though where I realised my feelings and emotions over being so inhibited and isolated, were worse than anything I could experience by just putting myself into a social situation and seeing where initial interactions would lead. I took a 'what's the worst thing that can happen' approach.

Showing an interest in others and asking about their lives, interests etc. is a really good ice breaker. Most people reciprocate and show a desire to get to know you. I am more than twice your age and even now I don't find socialising easy all the time. Everyone you come into contact with has a presence about them. Some you will instantly feel at ease with in their company and others you wont. Over time you learn to adapt how you are around different people.

Putting yourself into social situations and gradually growing in experience of how to handle them is the only way to overcome how you currently feel.

quietheart

Hi Michael
You sound like a lovely guy. You just don't know it yet!
You are very polite, you communicate your message clearly and you are very self-aware (I wish more folk were!)
If you had to choose something that you like about yourself, what would it be? You can't say nothing by the way! Just one thing, even if your toes aren't too bad.
You need to work on a gentle programme on increasing your confidence slowly and realising you aren't too bad after all.
I think an earlier suggestion of making friends online is a good starting point. There's much less pressure that way.
I think you've got a really strong foundation to work on and you want to do something about your confidence issues and that is the first step.
Best of luck!

michael243

marisco wrote: »

I think it is great that you have found the confidence to come on here and ask for advice over something that troubles you.

Taking everything else out of the equation for the moment, how do you feel about yourself? By liking and acknowledging all you have to offer, you invite people to appreciate and want to get to know you. By respecting yourself and understanding your worth, you invite people to respect and value you? They way you view yourself is subconsciously portrayed to others. Working on your own self-esteem may help you to feel more at ease around other people.

At your age I was extremely shy and lacked confidence in my abilities to mix and socialise too. It reached the stage though where I realised my feelings and emotions over being so inhibited and isolated, were worse than anything I could experience by just putting myself into a social situation and seeing where initial interactions would lead. I took a 'what's the worst thing that can happen' approach.

Showing an interest in others and asking about their lives, interests etc. is a really good ice breaker. Most people reciprocate and show a desire to get to know you. I am more than twice your age and even now I don't find socialising easy all the time. Everyone you come into contact with has a presence about them. Some you will instantly feel at ease with in their company and others you wont. Over time you learn to adapt how you are around different people.

Putting yourself into social situations and gradually growing in experience of how to handle them is the only way to overcome how you currently feel.

Hmm how I feel about myself

I feel that I am a boring person but willing to try to help the people I know. Right now I dont have much to offer at all.

One thing I need to do is go out and take a more serious approach, as just hiding away isnt helping it just I need the self belief to go out and believe it wont be as bad as I now believe.

It hard to see people younger then me who do believe in themselves and have the confidence to go out to where ever it is they want to go to.

One day I will overcome it, but its one step at a time until then

Thanks