7 year old exposed to inappropriate photos? What do I do?

tea_lover

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I disagree - he was taking photos of an explicit nature whilst his 7 year old son was awake in the same room.

How anyone can see that as OK is beyond me.

I think it very much depends on whether he was taking the photos then, or just sending ones he had taken previously. Neither is great of course! But if he was sending photos he already had on the phone when he thought his son was asleep it's more an error of judgement than anything to get really worried about.

Tiddlywinks

Phone screens are very difficult to see at an angle plus the OP's son mentioned two different parts of the body.

How did a 7yo manage to get close enough to see pictures on a screen without his dad realising? Too engrossed to notice or did the son see the act that led to the photos?

Either way... Unacceptable.

AnnieO1234

Trigger

I think you need to perhaps speak to your GP. As a pp said, this very much sounds like your son saw his father doing these things which is wholly unacceptable. You might be too close to the situation, you need to speak to experts about whether there could be more to this with respect to !!!!!philia.

There's so many red flags besides this and you need to explain to your son his father did something wrong, not just that his dad was messing about like a pp said. You don't want your son thinking its okay either for him to do himself and send around, or worse for someone else to do to him.

This whole thing with sexting, whilst it can be healthy for committed partners, is causing too many problems. Not only is there opportunity for bullying and blackmail, in the States under 18s have been left with criminal records as sex offenders because they took photos of themselves and swapped them around.

I'm sorry OP but there's no way to deal with this nicely, please don't ignore it. Please don't think it's an overreaction because of you brush it away now and something god forbid did happen you'll never, ever forgive yourself.

Hugz

Xxx

Kayalana99

Seanymph wrote: »

I think more the point you should stop facilitating him to be irresponsible and not drive him around. If you let your ex grow up perhaps he'd make better decisions...

I don't see how this is revelant tbh. Not giving her Ex lifts isn't going to make him grow up... perhaps he is being cheeky asking her but if its not that much hassle to her then whats the problem? Why is it seem as such a bad thing to just do a nice thing once in a while to help her childs dad out?

If she didn't give him a lift to work I am sure he would be perfectly capule of getting their himself but obvouisly its easier for her to take him.

So he has to get a taxi or a bus? Serouisly that means he will make better decisions with his child?

Could understand if she was going out of her way to his house to take him to work everyday and babying him but shes not mentioned in anyway being involved in his life other then one lousy lift....it amazes me what people come out with on this fourm when they no nothing of the overall situation.

pigpen

From the title I expected the post to say he had been showing DS pics of animal antics online!!!

My brother slept with my dad until he was 13/14 years old.. so what!!! It isn't a criminal offence, just because you don't want him in your bed doesn't mean his dad is doing anything wrong by it.. unless you'd rather he slept in his own unsafe bed!? TBH I'd have top and tailed the 2 boys in one single bed or just put the mattress on the floor .. but his dad might not have thought of that! It isn't like the gf was in the bed and they were having sex!! My brother is 23 and perfectly normal.. no long term damage at all.

As for the pic.. he isn't unique in sending pics of body parts sadly. It might be one he took for a previous gf being recycled.. unless DS mentioned dad having had a fiddle first? Which I'd not be happy with. Dad just did something a little irresponsible it isn't a criminal act.. he didn't expose DS to graphic sexual material really it was just a miniscule pic of his own bits.. everyone has a body and seeing normal people gives them body confidence rather than being ashamed theirs isn't like those plastic magazine people. Children are not damaged by seeing their parents naked! The newer phones with big screens are easy to see from a distance.. I can see quite clearly what OH is looking at on his phone from the other side of a superking bed!

I think you are over reacting somewhat.. and if the teacher mentions DS has told him/her make sure to tell XH so he can be suitably embarrassed some more and be honest with the teacher.. he saw a pic his dad was texting someone .. it isn't a big deal!

Little boys are meant to fiddle.. it releases the foreskin from the head of the penis so it retracts and they do not need circumcising.. I just tell my boys to take it to their room as we don't need to see them doing it thank you! .. but yes they get hot and bothered doing it.. it is quite usual.. my youngest son asked the HV if she wanted to feel his because it feels nice!!!

It sounds like dad was suitably embarrassed by DS telling you and then grandma.. I think just ignoring it is a sensible option with DS and if he mentions it again just play it down so he doesn't think it is something anyone will be interested in.. 'Yeah well, I don't think anyone needs to know it is just a silly thing to do' or just 'yes you said' and carry on with what you are doing.

Errata

I'm also concerned he might go into school and mention it to a friend or someone.

Might? I'd put a stack of tenners on a bet that he will.

peachyprice

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Your son was in the same room, awake and watching his dad take photos of himself doing whatever he was doing? Is that right? If so, that is even worse than just seeing the pictures.

This is more than an error of judgement; your ex should have had enough self restraint to abstain whilst his son was in the room. Thinking he was asleep is no excuse... as he could have woken at any time if he had actually been sleeping.

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I disagree - he was taking photos of an explicit nature whilst his 7 year old son was awake in the same room.

That isn't what the OP says at all.

FBaby

It didn't come to my mind for a second that he had actually been taking the picturesthere and then just sending them. It would be a totally different matter if he had. Interesting that your boy mentioned the incident in front of both if you. Was it because he didn't think it was anything contentious or on the opposite was making a point to his dad that he tells you everything?

maman

FBaby wrote: »

It didn't come to my mind for a second that he had actually been taking the picturesthere and then just sending them. It would be a totally different matter if he had. Interesting that your boy mentioned the incident in front of both if you. Was it because he didn't think it was anything contentious or on the opposite was making a point to his dad that he tells you everything?

Although I find it hard to comprehend why I do realise that people send such photos. I'm prepared to accept that the dad thought his son was asleep and didn't intend him to see what he was doing.

I think it's possible that the child knew his mum and his gran would react and that's why he came out with it openly. Children love that sort of attention.

I'd recommend that OP deals with it privately with the father i.e. asks that the shelf gets fixed ASAP and that he refrains from such behaviour when the boys are with him. Tell your boy that daddy was very silly and you've told him so. If he wants to practise using his phone camera then there are much prettier things he could take photos of! Be dismissive and matter of fact. Please don't discuss it openly with friends and family while the boy is around. If he thinks it's exercising adults he'll be telling the world and his wife!

clairehi

"his dad thought he was asleep so was doing this unaware that DS1 was watching"

No more overnight stays with Dad until he sorts out the kids' room so both boys can sleep in there.

This is a child protection issue. Kids should not be exposed to sexual behaviour, which this clearly is.

If you are in any doubt OP, speak to NSPCC for advice.