7 year old exposed to inappropriate photos? What do I do?

julie2710

I'm after a bit of advise as I've been thinking about this all day and don't know what I should do or how to approach this.

I have two boys of 4 & 7. They spend time with their dad on alternate weekends which usually includes an overnight stay. Their dad has a two bedroom flat and the boys share a room when there or so I thought.

I picked the boys up this morning from their dads and gave him a lift to work (I'm way too generous!) Just as we were pulling in to where he works DS1 says laughingly "Daddy sent a picture of his willy with a message to someone on his phone!" :eek: His dad instantly denied it but DS1 was insistent. DS1 also added that he had sent a picture of the "ring on his boobie too" he has his nipple pierced. Again ex denied it and went off to work obviously not impressed.

I didn't mention it to the boys after he had gone but did believe what DS1 had said as why would a 7 year old come out with something like that?

Well roll on to this afternoon and the boys and I are at my parents and DS1 tells his nana exactly the same thing. It then comes to light that he managed to see it as he sleeps in his dads bed, apparently there is a shelf over DS1s bed that is half hanging off the wall so he can't sleep there, and his dad thought he was asleep so was doing this unaware that DS1 was watching. :eek::(

Firstly I don't think he should be sleeping with his dad and his dad certainly shouldn't be doing this sort of thing where his son could possibly see it. Don't get me wrong I'm not a prude, but surely if he wants to do this it should be in private not in bed next to a 7 year old, even if he did think he was asleep? I have had problems in the past with DS1 playing with his bits excessively too. I know all little boys do it but he was absolutely obsessive about it and I'm beginning to wonder what else he might have seen.

I'm also concerned he might go into school and mention it to a friend or someone. I know the guy is his dad but if he says he saw photos of his willy whilst he was in bed with him it doesn't sound great

I really don't know what I should do. Should I ignore it? Relations between my ex and myself have never been great and its not the first time he has done something irresponsible or not well thought out with the boys. If I say something I'll probably just get a load of abuse.

Apologies for the long post but I was hoping for the thoughts of someone a little less emotionally involved as I'm wondering if I'm just over reacting or is this as wrong as I feel it is?

Thank you

Netwizard

I have no idea what this obsession is with people taking pictures of their bits on their phones. Bloody disgusting.

Kick your ex up the !!!! or inject him with an ounce of common sense and inform him not to do this sort of disgusting stuff infront of his 7 year old son!

He, as a dad, shouldn't need telling! He should know whats acceptable and whats not!

Kaz2904

Urm this is a tricky one but the way I think I would handle it is to tell your ex that he HAS to get DS's shelf fixed RIGHT NOW as he has seen things that ex perhaps wouldn't want you to know about.
The photos can be explained away by you to DS as in "oh how silly, why would anybody want to see Daddy's bits, silly Daddy!" Or something.
I think it would be an idea for you to mention to your ex in a non confrontational way that DS saw the photo and that he has been fiddling but your ex may be embarrassed and get defensive which is why I would just focus on the getting the shelf fixed.
My DS has been sexual since a toddler age :eek: and humping his teddies which always worried me until MiL saw him one day and turned to DH whilst I was busy being mortified and said "well you were always the same!" :eek:.
Sexy photos, hmm. Not for me but some people go for it so I don't think you can judge him on that per se.
Just let him know about the shelf and DS needing his own bed back.

FBaby

Is he normally a responsible dad? It sounds like his error was assuming the boy was asleep, not that he didn't think there was anything wrong doing that in front of him. If he is normally responsible, he would have come to the same conclusion to what you want to tell him and I would just let it lie.

If however this is another example of inappropriate/irresponsible behaviour, i would say something and make it very clear that it will have to stop.

KhaeJess

Kaz2904 wrote: »

The photos can be explained away by you to DS as in "oh how silly, why would anybody want to see Daddy's bits, silly Daddy!" Or something.

I second that this should do the trick in explaining those pictures to your kids.

I advise that you contact the father no more. Maybe not physically meeting him, but if he wants to see the boys, then go and set your terms and conditions.

It really pretty irresponsible of him about those pictures. I can't think straight as well on what to do, but when confronting your kids about it, don't make it serious. Just say it lik Kaz2904 said.

liney

Dad obviously is aware that the child should have not seen the pictures or he would not deny it, however it sounds like he never intended him to see them in the first place.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a 7 year old sharing a bed with his Dad sometimes, but after this incident i'm betting the shelf is fixed for next time! Ask him to make sure that it is.

I'd brush it off as suggested. He'll forget about it, and certainly not have the same understanding of it as you.

marisco_2

Have a chat with your ex. Make him aware that your son has seen things he should not be exposed to at his age, and that he is mentioning this to other people. If your son repeats any of this at his school, it would definitely raise concerns and be looked into. Something you really want to avoid.

What your ex gets up to in the privacy of his own home when your son is not present is his business. To do this when his son is in his room and sharing his bed is totally inappropriate.

Tiddlywinks

So... It's not just '7 year old exposed to inappropriate photos' is it?

Your son was in the same room, awake and watching his dad take photos of himself doing whatever he was doing? Is that right? If so, that is even worse than just seeing the pictures.

This is more than an error of judgement; your ex should have had enough self restraint to abstain whilst his son was in the room. Thinking he was asleep is no excuse... as he could have woken at any time if he had actually been sleeping.

You need to make time to see your ex and have a conversation about this as soon as possible. Be calm, be matter of fact but be clear that this is unacceptable.

If he suggests that this is normal behaviour and that you are overreacting then you have a bigger problem and may need to seek professional advice.

warehouse

I think your ex will have had the shock of his life when the boy mentioned it. Enforce this a bit more by asking him about it next time you see him and to explain.

I'd be surprised if it happened again.

Seanymph

You can do it non confrontationally - 'I don't believe him, but so he doesn't get any weird ideas and mention anything at school you should sort out anything that may get him confused - perhaps mend his shelf?'

But like other posters I suspect his dad will have it fixed by tea time!

It's not tragic though is it - really? In the scheme of things, he was sleeping with his child, no one else was in the house, he isn't shoving them out for a g/f - he thought he was asleep - he was pantsying around.

I think more the point you should stop facilitating him to be irresponsible and not drive him around. If you let your ex grow up perhaps he'd make better decisions...

As a parent of older children now I can look back and see some really stupid ideas that seemed sensible at the time - they are fairly normal young adults. Your child will not remember this in a fortnight unless you make a fuss of it.

Tiddlywinks

Seanymph wrote: »

It's not tragic though is it - really? In the scheme of things, he was sleeping with his child, no one else was in the house, he isn't shoving them out for a g/f - he thought he was asleep - he was pantsying around.

I disagree - he was taking photos of an explicit nature whilst his 7 year old son was awake in the same room.

How anyone can see that as OK is beyond me.