Buffy's 100 Day Challenge :)

Buffythedebtslayer

kika wrote: »

I love my kindle too, 1-click is sooo easy tho. I can't believe the money attraction rubbish, I'm sure its all wishful thinking.

You see this is what I think. I am SO bloody cynical that I am relatively sure even if the universe could "hear me" it would be over whelmed by my extreme sarcasm and that would be that.

BUT I do think it helps to focus your mind on your goals, the one thing that got me about that book is it costs nothing to do that no one needs to know that you are sitting on your bed saying Money is coming to me over and over or whatever.

And then I think about the whole idea of that quote and others like it about so your thoughts are so shall you be or whatever and I do think that is true. well sort of, there are so many things it simply does not apply to but in some cases I can see how it would have an impact.

The best example of this for me is relationships. They never work out full stop end of for me. Now I know lots of you might write back and say oh it will, they do etc. I distinctly remember a conversation I had with a group of girl friends about this and I was adamant that they were not for me. I could not imagine it(visualise??) me ever having what they had. I can see they work for others, just not for me.

I remember that conversation so clearly because for every point they put forward I had a counter point and for me it was an absolute truth. They were shocked. I am single because relationships do not work for me. don't need don't want. And (so?) they don't. Whereas most of my friends were all about husbands/princes/ being together etc and me I was always on my own in my future.................

It is extreme positive thinking really which I find very difficult.

But do I?

Next example!

Money. had huge debt due to uni and low paid job post uni, in the end it really scared me and I paid it off eventually.

There were some awful moments there but it was rarely to do with running out of money it was more life, work, family men(!)etc.

Current situation - haphazardly ended up with 5000 on a cc, due to legit spends and then a vet emergency. I have 4500 in Savings.

I always think with money I will be ok. It will be ok, I was brought up like that. Money wasn't a problem (it was but it always worked out) it will work - we were always ok, I mean Mum was stressed but she is always stressed about something so I never clearly associated it was money. never rich but never with nothing.

and this is the pattern I have repeated. bit scary but ok and really it is ok so long as you don't panic.

I have noticed recently there have been some issues in the family re money and this should have chipped away at my cast iron belief that it will be ok. It's funny but when Mum was talking about it all, all I thought was but it will be ok! even though the sums weren't adding up etc.

I think there are beliefs you are brought up with that stick to you like glue and it so hard to shake them. I wonder how can I make a new pattern re relationships? Can I Do I *want* to

Any how I am now off to sort through crap in my room and life in general. There is more to write but I have to think some more.

xxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

The Doctor Who announcement made me think of my ex and his kid.

I am pleased about the choice but the ex thing has hit me like a truck again this weekend and I was doing ok but I just can't help it right now.

This is the first weekend he would have been without his kids and we would have been together.

Stupid to think of it really, even got a new diary so I wouldn't see all the dates written in but this is in my memory.

I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND HIM.

and that is really it.

I have made a decision more to quieten my crazy brain at times like this than for any other reason.

What ever happens I will allow myself to contact my ex in November. I love him and this is hard.

It would have been our 1 year anniversary in November and I can't keep getting this upset and distracted. I need an answer for my I want to see him whines...........the answer is November. So shut up brain. and wait.

Hopefully by then I will be in a better place and won't want to or need to. But until I get to that place that is what I will do.

onward with the decluttering

Am trying to resist moving my furniture around. AGAIN.

xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Good Morning Folks

I have had two nights sleep now and no yucky naps, yesterday was sort of productive and today I am up early enough to crack on with stuff.

I was going to write a load of stuff about work and feeling weird about leaving but it got a bit specific! so I won't

I am dying my hair this morning and going to work plus meeting a friend for late lunch. not a cheap day but should be ok.

Have a date tonight and one tomorrow night. Am more looking forward to the one tonight...........

Email guy and I are still chatting even swopped pictures but no suggestion of a meeting. We may well end up as friends....

Money wise everything should go out today. finally! I should be ok really.

De-cluttering and the dissertation are the priorities at the moment.

kika

By relationships, I presume you mean men. What can I say, they're a funny lot. Mine is up and down for no reason I can see but I hope you haven't given up on all of them.

Buffythedebtslayer

I am so !!!!ed off.

I am going to go do something rather than sit here for another night.

!!!! it!

Buffythedebtslayer

Hello Diary readers,

Well I annoyed myself to pieces by falling asleep for half the day! No idea what is up with me - ok not true. Slightly concerned the depression is coming back. If it ever went,

any way not dwelling on that.

Tonight I did de clutter my desk and sorted two bags of paperwork for burning(!)

am sure I made a payment to my CC but it hasn't shown yet.

there was more but I am tired

so off to bed night all xxx

Sun_Addict

Hi Buffy - gosh you were still up at 1.17am!!! Yawn!! Hope today is a productive one for you.

Buffythedebtslayer

Weekend break was fab, a good time with two friends, some interesting messages from various men and lots of time to read lots of books.

It did cost a fair bit tho but lets leave that for a bit.

Weirdly I redesigned my (bloody sodding irritating :mad:) bedroom.

however I need to go to work and then on a date (!) tomorrow. So of course have a GIANT spot on my chin. !!!!ing marvellous!

Although honestly he seems a !!!!!! so you know. Well no I maybe being defensive there (who me? defensive about men, SHOCKING)

Any way moving on............

Money wise..........squeaking through to the end of the month, need clothes so badly. no idea what even to buy!

I was going to write more but I can't think what!

off for a read

xxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Need to make a decision

Car or Train to work?

Car £5 a day for the work journey. 25 - 30 quid a week, 120 a month
Train £200 for the month

I reckon given the extra journeys at the weekend for both car and train.............Well I need more that 25 quid on petrol a week so I think in raw petrol v ticket terms the car is cheaper,I know the car is more expensive full stop but not giving It up - too convenient for the rest of my life.

The stress of driving to work may be difficult I am NOT a confident driver at all. difficult parking at work.

But driving confidence will not be improved by chickening out.
however the traffic is bloody AWFUL. Must get back for other job.

Walking to the train station= exercise much needed. would mean I could meet people post work without worrying about car etc.

Perhaps a combination of both. shall try the journey. look properly at it all when not shattered.

bah. really should sleep.

Sun_Addict

Hi Buffy - why not try one month of driving then one month of train to see which works best. Or just do whatever it convenient on the day. Hope you are well.