Husband wants to loan step-brother 600. How to make sure we get it back?

dandelionclock30

I think your husbands being taking liberties, he doesnt work, so its not even his money its yours.

The family need to accept the basic funeral offered by the hospital. if they cant pay for one themselves they cant be expecting others who are not immediate blood relatives to pick up the bill.

OP you could tell your husband that if he wants to be supporting his family financially then he gets a job and does it out of his own money. Let him throw all the strops he wants, if he doesnt like it he knows where the door is.

27col

Your husband doesn't seriously think that, even if he did lend money that he apparently doesn't have, that it would actually be spent on a funeral. I suspect that the nearest it would come to the funeral would be when it was spent on drinks and drugs at the "wake".

fedupnow

But the step-brother is a blood relative. And his dad has died.

Lots of people haven't got £600 to hand to lend ot the 300-odd to 'lose'. How has husband got so much money if he doesn't work unless you allow him access to your money. Bit silly if you don't want him to spend it.

dandelionclock30

The step brother isnt a blood relative of the OP whos money it is.

OP it sound like your really being taken advantage of by your husband and his family. Is there anyone who can offer you some support regarding standing up to these people?

Arnie123

I set up a business 1 year and 3 months ago. Husband had been involved in a hit and run accident and 2000 compensation he said he wanted to invest in the business.
I have paid him around 2.5K back but he is claiming that since he spent this money on "joint purchases" (ie he put it towards a holiday for us) that the 2.5K was not his money.
Oh and before you call him a Numpty his mum has learning difficulties and I have always thought he is slightly learning disabled too. It was not something they could assess at school as he went to a mainstream school and was totally blind so the teachers did not have a clue how to educate him.
I married him because he has a massive heart and although I am fuming at him promising all this cash to the step brother I am proud he is such a kind generous person.

Dimey

Glad to hear that hubby has redeeming features and is a kind generous chap. Great.

But you should protect him from his over-generous self. And he should understand why. That your family come first. It won't be pleasant to be drained into the level of poverty that his step family are in. It will cause resentment on both sides sooner or later, especially when you run out of money and let the step family down!

As he has had £2500 back from his £2000 investment in your business that's over and done with now so you need not be side tracked by this in your discussions about how best to use £600 for your own family unit, not his semi-detached apparently scrounging family. (I'm basing "scrounging" on the step brother's behaviour.)

If you want to make a token gesture maybe offer to make some cakes for the wake . Hubby can do it while you help.

matttye

JuicyJesus wrote: »

That confuses the OP's husband with a charity that pays for other peoples' funerals.

The person they were putatively "lending" the money to has a proven track record of being given an inch and taking a mile. They'd "borrow" this money and it would never be seen again. Warm fuzzies that they've paid for a funeral for someone who they apparently don't really know are not going to bring back £600 which they need to live on.

I wasn't saying whether they should/shouldn't lend the money, that's not my place. I was merely saying that referring to it as throwing money down the drain isn't very nice.

fedupnow

Arnie123 wrote: »

I set up a business 1 year and 3 months ago. Husband had been involved in a hit and run accident and 2000 compensation he said he wanted to invest in the business.
I have paid him around 2.5K back but he is claiming that since he spent this money on "joint purchases" (ie he put it towards a holiday for us) that the 2.5K was not his money.
Oh and before you call him a Numpty his mum has learning difficulties and I have always thought he is slightly learning disabled too. It was not something they could assess at school as he went to a mainstream school and was totally blind so the teachers did not have a clue how to educate him.
I married him because he has a massive heart and although I am fuming at him promising all this cash to the step brother I am proud he is such a kind generous person.

Personally I think when you marry somebody you do become a member of each other's family.

I too chose to marry somebody for their good heart and so have accepted we will never be the wealthiest family.

Perhaps he needs to fully understand how tight the budget is at the moment. I would also suggest making some sort of agreement long term. In our house, not unlike many I don't think, have a set amount for bills and wotnot which is out of bounds. If the remainder is sufficient enough to help a family member in need, particularly a grieving family member then fair enough. If there isn't enough then ... well. Sorry. In the short term maybe you can suggest another way of helping the step-brother. Perhaps help with organising or seeking funds from an alternate source. There are more ways of offering support than handing over money.

Arnie123

All hell has now broken loose. Despite hubby agreeing not to hand over cash from MY business account (I am a sole trader) the mother in law (mil) just called and he has said she can have the cash today. I phoned back fuming explaining that this is not a good month as 3 of my customers are not paying up and so the whole thing will now go to county court which will take about ten months.

Phone slammed down on me and husband says we are now not going to the funeral.

I know I will get flamed for speaking ill about the dead but I genuinely did not like the guy and considering he punched my husband in the face
And called him the b word I cannot understand why my husband is going out of his way.

I never liked him and I do not like his son who is a young asbo toting thug.

There I have said it. Call me a cow I do not care

fedupnow

Arnie123 wrote: »

All hell has now broken loose. Despite hubby agreeing not to hand over cash from MY business account (I am a sole trader) the mother in law (mil) just called and he has said she can have the cash today. I phoned back fuming explaining that this is not a good month as 3 of my customers are not paying up and so the whole thing will now go to county court which will take about ten months.

Phone slammed down on me and husband says we are now not going to the funeral.

I know I will get flamed for speaking ill about the dead but I genuinely did not like the guy and considering he punched my husband in the face
And called him the b word I cannot understand why my husband is going out of his way.

I never liked him and I do not like his son who is a young asbo toting thug.

There I have said it. Call me a cow I do not care

Nobody should call you anything.

You sound so stressed, bless you.

This too will pass - promise.