Age and driving

lostinrates

Rain_Shadow wrote: »

Why do you keep referring to parent when it would appear to be your mother. It gets confusing for me (although I am quite simple).

FWIW my mother is 78 and recently widowed ( although she had done all the driving for at least a year before my father's death)

She drove my wife and son somewhere recently and they weren't exactly overflowing with praise for her driving. However, they didn't think she was dangerous and I know she values the independence the car gives her very, very highly, particularly now that she is on her own.

Sorry, habit and personal choice. I prefer to refer to them both as my parents. I apologise for confusing you and I am sure you are not simple.



What sort of things was your mother doing that was earning criticism from your family?

securityguy

lostinrates wrote: »

It still makes sense in most cars to drive the distance to London as a single passenger.

In the peak, perhaps. Which is what commuters care about. But offpeak fares are massively cheaper, offpeak + railcard even more so.

lostinrates

securityguy wrote: »

In the peak, perhaps. Which is what commuters care about. But offpeak fares are massively cheaper, offpeak + railcard even more so.

I am really familiar with train routes here and on the other line that my parent might use. . (Its a bit further from London than I am) It's still cheaper for my parent to drive the cheap to run car up closer to town.

(Bus pass is difficult for parent, on and off busses is awkward, tubes are a bit easier, but I think probably uses taxis quite a bit in town):)

Cheaper does not mean wiser, more comfortable or safer, and I agree it is no longer the right choice. I'm really not being difficult, I agree with you, but we have a very expensive line and a pretty direct road link!:o. I have some understanding of the ease of this because I suffer from chronic ill health and so I think I can probably sympathise with the aches and pains of disruptive travel. I last went to London in may and tbh it wiped me out afterwards.:o which is a shame as I'd love to have the energy either of my parents have and to be visiting my husband and friends there midweek......train or car:rotfl:

margaretclare

I think I may have discovered something else that might be a partial alleviation of the issue. Parent is now saying they have not been eating and that day had not eaten anything at all.

Why not? There has to be a reason.

Rain_Shadow

lostinrates wrote: »

Sorry, habit and personal choice. I prefer to refer to them both as my parents. I apologise for confusing you and I am sure you are not simple.



What sort of things was your mother doing that was earning criticism from your family?

Driving a bit slowly. Driving up a long driveway (to a hotel) in first gear when she should have been in second. Pulling out a long way at junctions to look. Some misjudgement of speeds of other vehicles. General lack of mechanical sympathy.

As I said, nothing they felt dangerous but a few things where they were thinking 'don't do it like that'.

lostinrates

margaretclare wrote: »

Why not? There has to be a reason.

'Wants to lose weight'. Magaretclare, its like talking to a brick wall when things like this come into play because I feel there is or may be a mental health aspect coming into play.

Edit. I am happy to be a 'good daughter' but my relationship with neither of my parents is straightforward nor close, despite assumptions because of living arrangements and other things that happen. They are good people and like most people flawed and perhaps might have been better and happier not being parents, both would say so freely. Never the less they have given me good tools in life and I use them as well I can and one of those is perhaps trying to be aware of my own emotional limits.

Whilst I love both of them I feel a bit ' at sea' with this sort of thing because we do not have the closeness of many parent/child relationships for many reasons for which both they and I must all take responsibility. I have no wish to leave either stranded (though have felt tempted at times) but nor do I feel comfortable beyond a certain point, And this is really getting into that certain point...calling the doctor etc. it's times like this one keenly feels the lack of extended family units!

margaretclare

'Wants to lose weight' - I know the feeling. However, just abstaining from food does not have the desired effect. There is a vast amount of information/help out there. You say she visits GP regularly? He/she should be the first person to ask about weight loss.

If I went without food like that, fasted all night and all the next day, I wouldn't be fit to drive or to do anything else.

lostinrates

margaretclare wrote: »

'Wants to lose weight' - I know the feeling. However, just abstaining from food does not have the desired effect. There is a vast amount of information/help out there. You say she visits GP regularly? He/she should be the first person to ask about weight loss.

If I went without food like that, fasted all night and all the next day, I wouldn't be fit to drive or to do anything else.

Exactly. Brick wall.

But it could be a simple partial resolution to the issue.

Savvy_Sue

red_devil wrote: »

if someone gives up driving then the money they save on the car costs, they can put towards taxis?

One reason for not using taxis is simply habit: I've lived in this city for over 10 years and last night was the first time I've used one other than for getting to the airport! Even though I regularly say to DH "you could always get a taxi home if you're very late leaving work."

Then last night my train journey went completely wrong, and my journey ended in a 2.5 mile taxi ride. £7.60 ... :eek:

Also if you're more out in the sticks, simply getting a taxi is more problematic, I feel. Mum will use the local volunteer service (which is an absolutely lifeline, and cheaper than taxis), but booking an actual taxi is problematic because she can't hear on the phone!

floss2

Dunroamin wrote: »

Lots of elderly people realise their limitations and just run a car to tootle round their local area so, as long as this is what's happening normally, I don't see why this has to be a problem.

When they are driving around and family see them almost run another vehicle off the road, or regularly hit gateposts or car park walls, that is a problem. Also driving with more than one serious irrevocable eye illness is a major problem.

Errata wrote: »

Then you may have a problem if your father doesn't feel an appointment with the doctor is necessary. You can't force him to go, and neither can the doctor.

Most elderly people will have regular dr's appointments. If their GP is aware of concerns it can begin a process.

LIR, does your parent have regular eye tests? Are they diabetic or have any other chronic illness?